A list I can understand and appreciate

You know how people are always telling you things you HAVE to do? I can’t stand that. As soon as someone says, “YOU HAVE TO…” a door slams shut in my soul and somewhere, a kitten hacks up a hairball.

I follow Michael Ian Black on Twitter, and he just developed the opposite of the Bucket List (things you want to do or think you should do before you die, though I haven’t seen that movie–and by the way, where WAS Jack Nicholson on Oscar night?). MIB’s list is called The Fuck It List. Before today, getting a root canal was on my list, but now it’s too late. As I sit here drooling on myself–mostly because one side of my face is numb, but also because there’s a bottle of Vicodin in front of me–I’ve been wondering what things are on my Fuck It List. Definitely “eating monkey brains.”

What’s on your list of things you don’t have to do before you die?

14 thoughts on “A list I can understand and appreciate”

  1. “a door slams shut in my soul and somewhere, a kitten hacks up a hairball.”

    Oh, Dear lord I about wet myself with laughter. Thanks for that.

    A: Touch a cockroach.

  2. I read somewhere that Nicholson was probably at home watching the Lakers – would have been bad form to skip the Oscars and be seen courtside.

    As for my Fuck It List, ‘try haggis’ is on it, as is ‘visit a nude beach’. *shudder*

  3. So that rubs you the wrong way, huh? It’s interesting how just phrasing something a certain way can be the difference between somebody being open to an idea or you counter-productively annoying them! 😀

    I’ve loved Micheal Ian Black ever since MTV’s The State in the early Nineties.

  4. Darn. Greg took my answer. Even so, that’s on my list:

    Vote Republican.
    Father children.
    Like children.
    Eat meat.
    Shed a single tear when Barbara Bush, George H.W. Bush, and George W. Bush finally shuffle off this mortal coil.
    Visit Jamaica.
    Go to church.

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