My week in words and pictures

Someone asked me recently about a post I did that “disappeared.” A lot of times when I write about something private–especially having to do with my family or friends–I’ll keep it public long enough for it to be read by them. Once I know they’ve seen it, I’ll make it private, which means it stays in my archives for me to see, but it’s no longer accessible to the public or even to my LJ friends. I can’t make those posts “friends only” because–weirdly–not everyone has a LJ account. I know; it mystifies me, too.

This is one of those “Dear Diary posts,” so I’ll put it behind a cut and y’all can skip the boring minutiae of my daily life because honestly, I know it’s not that riveting. It’s just my chance to include far-away family and friends in things they’d normally be part of.

Sunday, Tom and I went to Lynne’s because family was in town. Margot and Guinness went with us. They were interested in Lila for a while, but ultimately decided she really wasn’t as fascinating as, say, a bowl of raw turkey necks and chicken gizzards.

Margot always gets very gentle around children.

Guinness gets bossy about the proper way to do anything, like hold a baby.

My favorite photo of the day, Lila holding on to Tom’s thumbs.

After I was soundly beaten at Yahtzee, we moved the party. It’s a good thing I’d gotten pictures of my dogs at Lynne’s, because they went into hiding once we got to Jess and Laura’s. Maybe it was…

Seig the doberman; Sam, 160 pounds of mastiff; and Sue, the American bulldog who’s a model for the dog Sue in A Coventry Wedding. I’m pretty sure that nobody will be getting through Lila’s canine bodyguards to yell out such questions as, “Who are you wearing?!?” The answer, by the way, was Ralph Lauren–Granny Lynne’s been doing some shopping.

I was the biggest loser at progressive rummy. Something is not right with the universe, and if I needed more proof, it was my excitement that Jess could, through the magic of DVR, replay the moment when Tiger Woods forced a playoff in the U.S. Open by his putting on the eighteenth hole. I have never cared about golf and can only assume I was channeling Major Byrnes from A Coventry Christmas.

Then it was Monday. First, I took flowers and a thank-you card from my siblings, Tom, and me to the residence where Mother had been living since March, to thank the staff there for taking good care of her.

Afterward, I went to the funeral home to pick up my mother’s ashes and the death certificates.

I include this photo of the bag from Miller Funeral Service for a reason. If anyone ever Googles their name trying to get information about them and ends up here, I want you to understand how profoundly wonderful they were to me. Back in April, I sat down with one of their representatives, Joseph, and pre-planned the arrangements for my mother. I told him exactly what she wanted and what we wanted, and he was not only helpful and sensitive, but he put absolutely no pressure on me to do anything beyond what we wanted. After my mother died, I talked to several people from the funeral home about various matters, and each time, they were compassionate, professional, and there was never any pressure from them. On Monday, I met with one of the owners, Denise Miller. She didn’t just give me this bag with my mother’s remains and send me on my way. She sat down with me to discuss how I was handling things emotionally. She talked to me about some of her own experiences with grief and offered me wisdom and advice about taking care of myself. What she did NOT do was try to sell me anything. It wasn’t even an issue.

Actually, my sister and I had ordered an urn from Mainely Urns in Maine. I’m very satisfied with it, and the engraving was done exactly the way we wanted it.

As I was taking pictures, a yellow butterfly kept me and the dogs company. I never have any luck photographing butterflies, though.

Then I went to the bank, and once again, handling the business side of my mother’s accounts went smoothly. A day that was extremely difficult for me was made a lot better by the kindness of strangers.

And by the kindness of friends, too. Monday night, Lynne brought her aunt and cousin over in between their shopping trip to the Galleria and their dinner out. I love it when visitors are charmed by our house, because I get to see again all the things Tom and I appreciated when we bought it. I can’t believe we’ve lived here thirteen years. I never lived anywhere that long in my life, and I still wake up every day with a happy look around because this little gem of a home is mine.

Then Rhonda and Lindsey brought us food from Ming’s–for no reason, just because. Like, just because they’re wonderful friends. Only one picture was taken during any of this, by Lindsey. After all, we may need another book cover one day.

Tuesday, Tim went with me to pick out Tom’s anniversary present. My back pain has been better, but as we stood around Best Buy looking at TVs, it was really hurting, which led Tim and me to agree that the amount of pain radiating outward from my spine is directly proportional to the increasing dollar amounts on price tags. As we headed home, the skies hurled thunderbolts and driving rain at us, but we managed to navigate the flooded streets without incident–other than my bumming a cigarette off Tim. It’s a known fact that smoking doesn’t count if the cigarette comes from someone else’s pack.

Tom was quite pleased about getting his gift a day early. I was pleased to replace what Lynne calls “The Behemoth”: a TV she once passed to us that was of such monstrous proportions that it seemed to take up half the living room. But look at this sleek little number:

Large, but far more manageable than The Behemoth, which will be donated because it’s still a great TV, just not for a bungalow living room.

Wednesday was a day of many flowers.

To me from Tom.

To us from Tom’s parents.

and steak dinners and much repartee as we watched The Young and the Restless on the new TV and tried to understand how a man finds out that his bride-to-be is pregnant even though he’s had two vasectomies and yet ASKS NO QUESTIONS. In fact, the swimmers that he froze because he was having a vasectomy created a five-year story arc that ultimately involved battles between four of the best divas in daytime TV. I know some writers who need a consistency-checker.

Thursday, Guinness went for a ridiculously expensive visit to the “spa” and I went to Verizon because my cell phone wasn’t charging right. It wasn’t an easy fix, so I opted to upgrade. Unfortunately, the same connection that wasn’t properly charging the battery couldn’t transfer my contact list to the new phone. I had to manually re-input the hundred or so numbers that are in my cell phone. I was able to put all my pictures on a memory card and get them on my computer (I know this is a relief to those of you who’ve seen the James pictures!), but I can’t seem to get them from the memory card to my new phone. It’s a mystery. I’d also just bought some new ring tones, but the Verizon chick told me to call customer service so they could credit me, then I could buy them again for my new phone.

I rode around with Tim while he looked for new shoes. Apparently, when Tim and I both leave The Compound at the same time, it creates havoc in the heavens. We hurried back home as thunderstorms pelted us and trees were uprooted or lost branches across the city. When the weather calmed down, I went to Lynne’s to hang out, then later to my mother’s hospice in-patient care unit to drop off a thank-you and flowers to their staff from my siblings, Tom, and me.

I simply can’t say enough good things about hospice care. Eventually, I’ll probably write a post about hospice in general, and VistaCare in particular, so I won’t get into that here. But just as an example, on Friday, I was sitting at my desk doing things related to the book business and the business of death, and the phone rang. It was someone from hospice calling to check on me. I probably should have told her that I keep bumming Tim’s cigarettes, but I said I was doing okay. For the next year, they’ll call me periodically just in case I’m feeling overwhelmed or depressed. I have a great support system (and thank you to everyone who has sent me and my family cards, notes, and e-mails), but a grieving person sometimes feels reluctant to keep dumping on her friends or family, so hospice has got me covered if that happens.

Another thing that made me feel good on Friday was going to the gym. Well, not actually going to the gym as in working out. My doctor and physical therapist haven’t released me for that yet. But to be able to walk from the parking lot to the building, stand at the desk, and take care of some business matters, without having to sit down or wanting to scream because of the burning poker being jammed through my lower vertebrae all the way to the toes of my left foot is major progress. I’m finally glimpsing the possibility of a life without pain, and that’s amazing.

Lest you think that my life is all Disney birds and butterflies, when I called Verizon, I was told they wouldn’t credit me for the ring tones I’d just purchased because I UPGRADED my phone. My freaking non-working phone was four years old–it’s not like I could exchange it, because that phone stopped being sold long ago. After I argued with her a minute, I said, “I’m not going to quibble with you about ten dollars” and hung up. Then I wrote Verizon customer service a scorching letter. After fourteen years with them and constant upgrades and the addition of two other users on my account, I can’t believe they’re going to begrudge me ten dollars. I’ll remember that when it’s time to renew my contract again. CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW, VERIZON?

I finished The Red Pony, and I learned a lot about “Becky Cochrane–English 4th.” Literature was obviously not my first priority, as shown by the way the book was filled with my scribbling, including:

I LOVE DAVID [middle and last names redacted]

LYNN & WESLEY

TERESA LUFFS TOMMY!

I want love and peace for everybody!

And on page 52, I circled the page number and told the world that it was David’s football number.

Gooooo, Eagles!

I understand what bothered me about The Red Pony as a teenager, but reading it as an adult gave me an entirely new perspective, and I liked it. Also this week, I read some books I thoroughly enjoyed: Jennifer Belle’s Little Stalker, Sophie Kinsella’s Remember Me?, and Camille Picott’s Raggedy Chan. Stay tuned for a LJ surprise involving that last one.

That brings me to today, which began with a call from my sister, who’s also finally out of pain after knee surgery (yay!), then Tom got home from volunteering and a trip to the grocery store with evidence that he’s been reading my LJ:

Finally, I’m SO EXCITED because something I ordered just arrived in the mail. One of my favorite bloggers is Jon Armstrong. I like reading his occasional stories about his life and his perspective on politics, and I especially enjoy his photography. He recently began selling his work through his Etsy account. Since he says that he’ll take requests, I wrote him about a photograph of his that I saw on his flickr site in the fall of 2006. I’d commented then that I’d buy it if I could and hang it in my house. And now I own a copy! Here’s the photo as it looks on the Etsy site:

Copyright Armstrong Media, LLC

Once I get it framed and hung, I’ll post a picture so you can see how it’s complemented by work I have from other artists.

Jon will never know how often his blog has made me laugh and think, or how many times he’s moved me to tears. Though I don’t know him–it takes a lot more than just reading and/or buying people’s work to know them–certain qualities that I attribute to him became part of a character in A Coventry Wedding–so I guess he’s inspirational! =) Which reminds me of a T-shirt that Tom’s sister KT sent me:

I figured Tim was a far lovelier model than I to show it off. Although Tim did color my hair yesterday, and it looks much better. I don’t know how a thirty-five-year-old can have such gray roots…