So y’all have probably seen those posts in which people have gone to google.com and written their name and the word “needs” in quotation marks for a search. You’re supposed to put the first ten responses in, but I’m just listing my favorites from the first few pages. Here is what Google tells me I need.
Becky needs to get her skates sharpened.
Becky needs to get to work.
Becky needs your attention.
Becky needs to turn her life around.
Becky needs more people like you on her side.
Becky needs consoling after a humiliating experience.
Becky needs a wardrobe upgrade.
Becky needs to know that her boyfriend is screwing my girlfriend. (My top favorite.)
Becky needs a nanny.
Becky needs help.
i’ve always admired how sharp your skates are..don’t let them tell you how often you should sharpen them.
You’re right. Anyway, maybe I need my skates to be a little dull sometimes.
I thought this was pretty silly until I tried it myself, got these first three, and had to laugh.
1. Tom needs cure for homophobia
(From a message board on the poet Philip Larkin about some a–hole member)
2. Tom needs a dog
(So not true)
3. Fat Tom needs an inside home
(This is really about a cat, Becky does let me inside)
Lisa needs help and a stable environment. But apparently, about 90% of the time Lisa needs braces.
I just want you to know that y’all got my attention, Becky, and I’m on your side. (do you really say ‘y’all’ with that beautiful Southern drawl? If so I hope we get to speak one day, I’d love to hear it!).
My top 5
1) Lindsey needs nurturing, patient, and committed adoptive parents.
2) Lindsey needs to raise money to help with her expenses.
3) Lindsey needs her baby fat.
4) Lindsey needs a room to match her sweet and colorful personality.
5) Lindsey needs a little break from her social life.