I don’t know how many people read my Live Journal, but I know a number of them are straight women. The ones who’ve commented or e-mailed and who have journals and blogs of their own that I can read show all the signs of being enlightened, intelligent women. So this post is not directed at them, but at any other straight women who happen to stumble across my LJ in whatever ways that happens.
Conventional wisdom has it that about ten percent of any arbitrary population is gay. That is, ten percent of women are lesbians, and ten percent of men are gay. I feel confident in saying that in some professions, the percentage is higher, and in others lower. For example, all declarations of 100% heterosexuality to the contrary, I suspect that the number of gay actors is greater than ten percent.
One of the statements that goes up my spine and sets my teeth on edge is when, upon hearing that a man is gay, or even rumored to be gay, a woman says, “What a waste.” If the man in question is someone you know, were you planning to date him? I’ve read that only 17% of dating relationships are going to lead to any kind of commitment anyway, so you should be focusing on finding a man who doesn’t hate your cat, or whose mother you don’t hate, or who won’t fight with you over who controls the TV remote. How does the sexual orientation of a man you’re not dating really affect you one way or the other? Because it shrinks a woman’s potential dating pool? Take comfort in the knowledge that lesbians have joyfully removed themselves from poolside. And with the rise in the number of metrosexuals ubersexuals, the old adage, “All the hot men are gay or married” is no longer valid.
Another time I hear women say this is when they read or hear a rumor about a celebrity being gay. Unless you’re a supermodel, I’m betting your chances of meeting and bedding the celebrity of your dreams are less than one percent. If your relationship with the celebrity in question is pure fantasy anyway, then fantasize him any way you want him. Straight, bisexual, wildly romantic, willing to stay awake after sex, whatever rocks your world. It’s your fantasy.
But don’t say, “What a waste,” because he’s not. In the first place, he’s a human being (well, most of the time) who deserves to breathe and be who he is as much as anyone else. In the second place, it makes him a candidate for a 17% success rate of forming a committed relationship among ten percent of the population, so he’ll make someone happy or miserable, even if it’s not YOU. And if you haven’t figured out yet that it’s not all about you, it’s not. It’s all about Tim. Who will never, ever be a waste, so don’t say it.
Or unless they’re a whore. Whores seem to get a lot of action from actors.
waste? How rude.
I hear you on this one for sure Becky.
The sliding scale of sexuality is called the Kinsey Scale, and through it there is a number of people that fall inbetween what we know as straight or gay. Nothing is ever SET in stone. A sexual preference is that. Preference. But to be emotionally committed to a specific sex, well that’s something other than sex isn’t it? I have had experiences with the same sex. But I am emotionally interested in men. I would never even say I was remotely gay (Although, I have been told I was a gay man trapped in a woman’s body).
As for using the phrase, “that’s a waste” I think that these particular people are not thinking about what they are saying. That is a waste is something I say when my milk goes bad in the fridge, or some other perishable item. But to say that about any human being, is just saying the same thing. I can relate to it “going up your spine” because I, personally, don’t think anyone is a waste. Let alone Tim.
Re: waste? How rude.
This whole thing makes as much sense to me as when my mother, who recently visited her retired gay coworker and his partner in Florida, commented: I think he is the woman in the relationship… When I pointed out that the whole idea was that there was no woman in the relationship, she said that there is always a woman. You know, the one who like to cook, and clean up, and get all domestic. She still didn’t get it when I pointed out that that would mean that my husband is the woman in our marriage .. Hey at least she is making progress.
Michelle
Has someone been doggin’ my boyfriend?? He doesn’t even put out and I don’t think he’s a waste — The nerve of some people…
1.) I am so going to sleep with Jay Hernandez — I don’t care if he was in that crap movie Hostel, so don’t even think of stepping on that dream!
2.) Totally agree… there was one wench Gregster and I used to work with that always “what a wasted” him, and my thoughts were “like he would ever sleep with you..” Not that she wasn’t physically attractive enough, she just didn’t have a soul.
I am so going to sleep with Jay Hernandez
That’s ’cause you’re a supermodel.
I’m not a straight woman.
I had not known anything about Faulkner.
And though I seldom comment – I do tune in.
It would be impossible for me to count the number of times that I have received this and similar statements by those who harbor the above sentiments.
Well said. Thank You.
(On tangent – I enjoyed “Never Judge A Book” An unexpected journey, fresh, & beautiful story that I enjoyed reading! Thank you.)
Thank you for your comments on the story. =)
Well said.
We have never met but sometimes I just want to hug you so hard! Hug, Hug, Hug!!!
(Actually that sounds a bit odd and restraining orderish, but I hope you know what I mean dear.)
i know i’ve said this before, but i mean it this time too –
i like what you have to say and how you say it.
My mother relayed this bit to me after one of her friends “figured me out.” She’d just met me at some family dinner. After I left, she and my mother sat around and talked. During this conversation, she asked my mother my age then, in a voice that asked and stated at the same time, said, “And she’s never been married. Is Rhonda a lesbian?” My mother didn’t miss a beat and said that I am. The friend’s reply was a bewildered “But she’s so pretty.”
I agree with everyone else when they said ‘well said.’ It amazes me the people who think that it is their business-and their right-to judge who anybody else is attracted to/sleeps with. In my opinion, the only person I should be worried about is my husband (OK, and my minor son, too), and since I’m not worried about that, WHAT DOES IT MATTER?? I have a life, thank you. Too many other people need to get one.
Ten percent? That’s the same as the estimated number of left-handers in any population so I immediately feel a kinship (the kind that comes from being any sort of a minority). But, as you so beautifully said, first and foremost we’re all human beings who deserve to breathe and be who we are, and that’s what counts.