I wrote a little comment in the new TJB book that didn’t seem significant at the time, but it must be something I’ve been subconsciously thinking about. I read a number of blogs and online journals written by women who have gay friends–more specifically, gay best friends. A common theme, sometimes even an almost-obsession, seems to be that these women are always scoping out men who could be potential suitors, husbands, or even tricks for their gay friends.
Last night, Tim and I went to Kroger’s. I was alone in Produce, Tim having gone his own way, when I saw a guy shopping alone. My mind did the rapid-fire run down “the list”: height, eye color, dental health, apparel, general demeanor, etc., all for the sake of assessing whether I wanted to say to Tim, “There was this guy in Produce that you should’ve seen…”
Later, Tim and I met up, and as we turned into a different aisle together, Guy from Produce walked past us. I did a quick glance at Tim, and saw this tiny smile play across his face. I don’t know if the smile was because he registered the guy or because he saw that I was doing it again: man shopping for him.
In reality, I would never set up Tim with anyone. Or any of my friends. Because I learned a million years ago, when I was still a teenager, that it almost never works out and generally comes back to haunt the matchmaker. But like these women whose blogs I read, I seem to take an inordinate amount of interest in the courtship habits and preferences of my gay male friends.
After thinking about it, I realized other women I know who have a lot of straight male friends are always scoping out potential females for them, too. WHY? Do we think men need help finding partners? Or can we just not stand it when they don’t seem to be attached to someone? It’s never been a practice for me to do this for the single females I know (lesbian or straight), this constant scanning for available partners. I didn’t even do that for myself when I was single, because I never had a problem being alone and never felt incomplete without a man.
And I sure never wanted anyone to constantly present potential boyfriends to me. But I have no doubt that if I were to go to Walgreen’s with Tim in the next hour, I wouldn’t hesitate to say, “Hot guy on the candy aisle…”
So true, so true! But I find it fun to point out guys to my friends whom are single…but maybe there IS more to it.
*I loved being alone. At times, I miss it. 🙂
I have to tell you with Greg, in the BP days ( before Paul ) I never ever wanted to fix him up, we have completely different tastes.
What??? He doesn’t like the latin men you do????
🙂
oh i am sure he does, only it is the definition of hottie that changes … you see I like a sweet cute face, he probably prefers a better body … although there are certain hotties that we both agree on.
my friend eric prefers guys that are thin and tall. Long hair is okay, but sometimes too girlie for him…micheal, well he loves the same guys I do, so he was easy to set up. He likes the latin hotties too. Nice chest and so forth. I prefer a nice cut back. Not hairy either…chest hair is good, but not on the back.
I think back hair gets a universal EWW
I would have to say my tastes are usually different from most of my friends’ tastes, too, but since I know what they like (not that they have a type, as one of them might say), that doesn’t deter me.
Recently, on Everything and Nothing, Shawn Lea posted a list of “10 Bad Guys Worth Dating Anyway” from Glamour magazine. I loved this one: The Cute-But-Dorky, because in the long run, dorky might not matter. A lot of geeky guys age into someone mighty hot. You can get sexier and better looking, but you can never fake a brain.
I would like to say I cared about a brain but I don’t. One of the best qualities about dating a latin hottie, and I mean like new to the country is that I don’t have to TALK to them … HA HA I KID I KID!!!
Well I sorta kid…
Well, you know, it all depends on what specific need you’re looking to meet. Who you want for a night or a weekend at the beach is different from who you want to introduce your friends to, who may be different still from the one you might want to have children with. For longevity, I think a good brain and a sense of humor are the two hottest traits a man can possess.
Definitely agree with you there, the truth is I don’t really know if I want those things anymore.
I do have to tell ya Becks, I heard you have a hottie!
I agree, of course, for longevity. Bob is hot to me, and he has a brain. He is smart in a different area than I am, and so we compliment each other.
My ex was SUPER smart and sexy. But he used his brain for evil. That is a deal breaker.
And btw, Shannon and Marika, if this conversation had begun with my in-person friends, we’d have already moved on from men to shit. Yes, real shit, just like I’ve said before.
hahahahaha
I so know what you mean. What, are you in my head? lol
“I did a quick glance at Tim, and saw this tiny smile play across his face. I don’t know if the smile was because he registered the guy or because he saw that I was doing it again: man shopping for him.”
Yes, I smiled because I knew what you were thinking and was surprised when you didn’t say it aloud.