A long time ago, in a small town far, far away…
My first love (his name is Tim, because there are a limited number of men’s names in my personal history of love and friendship) found someone else over the summer, a girl from a nearby military post. This often happened when a new batch of Army families moved in–they brought pretty teenage daughters with them. So my hero, the boy who’d been the center of my life, my beautiful, motorcycle-riding, leather-jacket-with-fringe-wearing, blond-haired, green-eyed Tim, broke up with me just before my sophomore year in high school. The Other Girl (whose real name I’m stealing for a character because I like it), was not in school the first six weeks of that year. She had mono.
For the first time, upperclassmen could choose our English courses in six-week modules from several topics, which meant that sophomores through seniors might end up in the same classes. That’s why Lynne and I shared an English class with Tim and my friend Riley, though they were older than we were. Riley and Lynne would watch with rolling eyes as Tim sat behind me and played with my long hair, braiding and unbraiding it, or rubbed the back of my neck with his thumbs, or leaned forward and whispered nice things to me during class. They rolled their eyes because once we walked out of English, where people who knew The Other Girl might see us, Tim ignored me. And I let him get away with it.
Those were the most miserable six weeks of my young life–not just because of the romantic roller coaster, but because an expiration date loomed. My parents were moving to a community a few miles away, where my father was the assistant principal of the high school. They couldn’t wait to transfer me there, in no small part to get me away from Tim. The big breakup wasn’t enough for them; they also wanted inaccessibility. It was as if they had a camera in my English class.
Looking at photos of myself from those months, I can still feel tears lurking. Even when I’m smiling, my eyes are pools of misery. There’s nothing quite so intense as the loss of a girl’s first love. When she’s also taken from all her friends and put in a new school where she feels different from everybody AND is the assistant principal’s kid–not a good time.
After I was transferred, Tim and The Other Girl broke up and he began calling me. Maybe it was a case of absence making his heart grow fonder. Since I didn’t have a driver’s license, and he wasn’t allowed to come to our new home, we devised a scheme to see each other one weekend. Lynne’s older sister would pick me up and take me to Lynne’s house to spend the night. Lynne and I were supposedly going to their high school football game. Lynne actually had a date, and the two of them were dropping me at the stadium before they went somewhere else. I’d be meeting Tim there, which would give us a chance to talk things out and reconcile before he took me back to Lynne’s that night.
I can still remember how I looked and what I wore that Friday. My hair was shiny and hung board-straight to my waist (it was the style). My makeup was light but applied to set off the big brown eyes Tim always complimented. I had on my favorite jeans and a new shirt that I loved. I took my brown suede jacket with me because of the chilly autumn night. Everything went according to plan…
Except that Tim never showed. I kept thinking maybe I got our meet-up place wrong, so I walked around the stadium during the whole game. Riley, who was a drummer in the band, watched from a distance, occasionally shaking his head but restraining himself from saying anything that might upset me more. When the game was over and the crowd was filing out around me, Riley went with the other drummers to put up their equipment. I didn’t move, sure that Tim would never stand me up. Finally Riley and his girlfriend Carol came back for me and made me leave with them.
I couldn’t go to Lynne’s, since she was supposed to be with me, and I sure wasn’t going home. Whatever their plans had been, Riley and Carol gave up their date that night to drive me around until I could meet Lynne. I was sitting in the back seat when Carol changed the radio station just as Carole King’s “So Far Away” began to play. I finally broke down in sobs, and I can still hear Carol saying, “Awwww. Riley! DO something!”
He couldn’t, of course. Sometimes you just have to let a friend’s heart break. And though it wasn’t the last time I’d have a broken heart, because it was the first time, I had no context for it. I didn’t know that I’d eventually get over it. I didn’t know that Tim and I would reunite and break up several more times before we both moved on. All I knew was that it felt like I was being turned inside out, my world was ending, and life would never be good again.
Though I never had teenage daughters of my own, my memories of being that naive and feeling that fragile–though of course, I actually had the strength and resilience of youth on my side–are sharp and fresh. Along with all the other versions of me I’d grow into over the years, that girl still lives inside me.
Maybe she’s the one who was so bewildered when I read Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight. I was genuinely reluctant to buy it. I even told the bookseller as much. Why? Because so many people have written such terrible things about it. Some people would say they liked the story but the writing was awful. Others would say the writing was passable but they still despised it and couldn’t fathom its success. I’m not going to get into more specific criticisms of the books. Anyone can find them on the Internet, and many of them were written by people who also write books, including people I know and whose books I read.
But the books are written for the very audience that Bella is part of: the adolescent girl. Bella is completely believable to me, with her insecurities, her stumbling attempts to do the right thing, her love-at-first-sight for exactly the wrong boy, her sense that the weight of the world rests on her young shoulders. Meyer makes Edward her protector, maddening though he may be. He adores her, he rescues her, he watches over her. Theirs seems a hopeless love, never to follow a normal course, perhaps never to be consummated. It’s safely dangerous love, and to Bella, her first love plays out on a sweeping, sometimes agonizing, sometimes thrilling scale.
So did mine, and Tim wasn’t even a self-sacrificing vampire.
Bella is every teenage girl who ever felt hopeless, passionate yearning for a rock star, or the school’s most popular jock, or a teacher, or a gay best friend. It’s exquisite torment, and again, someone as young as Meyer’s Bella has no context for her feelings other than what she might find culturally, for example, in movies or literature.
And all those young readers and moviegoers who are infatuated with Bella and Edward are doing the same–falling in love with a love story that’s set up to have a certain physical purity while packing lots of emotional drama.
I’m not sure why Meyer has been singled out as a bad writer by writers that other people have also ridiculed and belittled. Maybe Meyer’s novels aren’t to everyone’s taste, but are any of these sharp-tongued critics being forced to buy and read her books?
It delights me when I see young people reading. And if they are led by Bella and Edward to read Romeo and Juliet or Wuthering Heights or any other literary classics, how can this be a bad thing?
Finally, if it’s not Meyer’s writing which people find so objectionable, but the swooning, over-the-top reactions of adolescent girls and ‘tweens, I can’t help but think of girls’ frenzied reactions to Rudolph Valentino, Frank Sinatra, James Dean, Elvis Presley, the Beatles, Michael Jackson, Leonardo DiCaprio, to mention a few teen idols. Furthermore, in my life and certainly online, there are plenty of examples of people who exited their teenage years long, long ago, both male and female, who practically live in a ménage à trois with a couple of lovers named Angst and Drama.
So this is my confession. I read Twilight while I was reading Moby Dick, and I didn’t fall down dead from the literary dissonance. I was waiting to rent the Twilight DVD because a couple of other people said they might read the book, too, before watching the movie with me. But I couldn’t stand the wait. Not only did I buy New Moon and read it, but I dragged The Brides and Tom into my depravity by persuading them to watch Twilight last weekend. Today, I bought the last two books because I want to see how the love story of Edward and Bella plays out.
And I don’t feel one moment’s shame for any of this, because my heart remembers and celebrates that exquisite torment that is falling in love for the first time.
Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
Shh… I finished up reading the Twilight series … and my only problem with it was why a girl would want Edward when there is a perfectly good Jacob right there for the taking! I would say that perhaps it wasn’t my cup of tea, but neither were the Potter books…. (love the Potter movies though ) but I understand why there is an appeal – and I get why the girls love it. What is most every Barbara Michaels and most every Victoria Holt novel about? The “everygirl” that meets her verion of a rockstar – and I devour those. And you know what? In an age when girls seem to be bombarded with images of sexuality, there is nothing wrong with a little purity. I found that part of it refreshing. I didn’t have a problem with any of the writing etc …
I am always forever and ever a Buffy girl – but when it came to love, she also followed her heart — and there were times when that did not work out so well for her – and those were the times when I loved Buffy the most.
I proudly buy a friends daughter Twilight material – the same way someone once bought me stuff with Shaun Cassidy on it. And you know what? Here’s my confession … right now, sitting on my bookshelf, I have the complete Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew mystery set — starring Shaun Cassidy and Parker Stevenson.
Re: Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
Only a literary snob need apologise for what they read. I’ve read Jackie Collins; I’ve read Plato. As long as you gain pleasure from it what does it matter?
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As I always say, most of us require different things from what we read. Sometimes we want escape, sometimes enlightenment. Sometimes we want to be nourished by depth; other times, we just want some entertainment. I usually have several books going at once for that very reason. It would have been somewhat hard reading Moby Dick just before I fell asleep at night–though Melville did write short chapters, bless him.
Re: Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
I LOVE Jackie Collins and own every book she has written, I think. I even met her once at a signing.
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Thanks for sharing this glimpse into your past, Becky, and how you tied that into the Twilight series. You are a great story-teller.
I think most people who like more “literary” works also have some kind of guilty-pleasure genre that they enjoy. As changeling72 pointed out, if you like it, what does it matter? And as you said, if it leads you to something more substantial, then how can it be a bad thing?
For me, I always loved fantasy literature since reading The Hobbit and, to a lesser extent, also enjoy sci-fi. Fantasy nourished an interest in the real history and culture of our own world and broadened my mind much more that it would have been otherwise. That being said, I’ve read some really bad stuff, but also some unexpectedly good stuff.
Re: Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
Just to be clear, I’m not calling people who don’t like Meyer’s books literary snobs. There will always be people who won’t read ANYTHING that isn’t literary, and I can understand and respect that. People should read what they enjoy.
I’m not even taking on the way any writer who achieves a lot of success–Meyer included, but it could just as easily be Dan Brown, John Grisham, Stephen King, Anne Rice, J.K. Rowling, among others–draws fire from other writers.
I’m just saying that I understand Bella’s appeal to readers, and I’ve read plenty of books with writing… problems, for lack of a better word, including novels by some of the authors who’ve seen fit to express such public disdain for Meyer. Again, they’re entitled to their opinions, but I felt like offering a more supportive one, including some personal context for why I’m enjoying the novels so far.
Re: Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
What I think is interesting is some of the writers that are dismissed — then turn around and dismiss others, which I have never understood, because you’d think that they’d know how it feels.
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‘Tis a mystery.
Re: Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
you know how I like those.
Re: Love Stinks… yeah yeah…
Thank YOU, Chris.
Some of the most brilliant writers I know–some who’ve won international literary awards–will happily admit to indulging themselves by reading decidedly non-literary fiction.
Though I’m repeating myself, whenever I see on people’s blogs a list of books they’re reading that are all heavy-hitting literary works, instead of being impressed, I giggle and wonder what they’re really reading.
ETA: (Changed my mind, so I thought I’d just say …
I’m sure there are a lot worse things people could be doing. :D)
For sure. I might even do a few of those, too–if they give me something to write about. =)
I so enjoyed reading this from beginning to end. Well put, my friend. And thanks for letting us crash the Twilight party… <3ed the movie and may even have to dive into the books as well... as soon as I can find the time...
So you’ll see the second movie with me, right?!? And afterward, we’ll paint our toenails and prank call people. 😉
I read and finished the Twilight series, minus Breaking Dawn, long before the hoopla. I had never heard of the series until I saw a news snippet about a series of books that was predicted to overthrow Harry Potter’s reign. I’m an HP fan, so I was curious to see why this prediction may or may not be true.
I went to my local Barnes & Noble and asked a bookseller where the books were and what all the hubbub was about. He said he hadn’t read the books but he did buy the first one for his girlfriend. He told her if she liked Twilight, he’d get her the other two. Now, I know you are thinking that this was some young 20something employee but you would be wrong. This man is in his 40s. So I didn’t feel quite so foolish buying the book.
I began reading the book right away and had it finished within a few days which is unusual for me. I then returned to the bookstore and bought the next two only to finish them in a few days. I was hooked.
Not until much later did I become aware of the criticism of the author and these books. I’ve never been one to not read a book because of negative criticism. In fact, I am more apt to read something that has garnered negative attention. It’s the rooting for the underdog streak in me.
When the speculation of a movie was announced, I was unabashadley excited. Oh the things they could do with this movie!! I knew who my Dream Team (ideal cast) was. Gaspard Ulliel was to play Edward and Emily Browning would be Bella. The rest of the cast I could have cared less about.
Unfortunately either the producers were not listening to the fans or they just didn’t care. That’s how we got Robert Pattinson (*gag*) and Kristen Stewart (blandess defined) as the star-crossed lovers. These two actors were not what I envisioned nor did they instill in me the depths of emotion I felt when reading the books.
To add insult to injury, the “additions” to the movie made it seem hokey and more unbelievable than the fact that a girl falls in love with a vampire. I’m going to stop here on my criticism of the movie because I could go on and on. Suffice it to say I was monumentally disappointed.
With all that being said, I’m glad you have read the series and written your thoughts here. It’s refreshing to read positive things and that the story is relative to many including yourself.
Is it the best thing that has ever been written? No. Will it be a literary classic? Doubtful. Does it stretch the boundaries of the imagination? Yes. Is it endearing to the audience? Yes.
The naysayers will always have something to complain about.
P.S. I hope you don’t mind that I spewed forth all this in your journal. I do love a good book discussion.
I don’t mind at all! Spew away, and after I’ve read the last two books, I might just open the topic for discussion again so I can hear more.
I didn’t dislike the movie the way I really disliked Queen of the Damned, but I did feel the two lead performances lacked a certain subtlety that would have given the characters more depth. Because I already knew who played the characters before I read Meyer’s first two books, my vision wasn’t jolted by the casting the way yours was.
Your reaction reminds me of mine when I saw Interview with the Vampire. I’d read all of the books in Rice’s series that had been published up to the movie’s release. I recall being pleasantly surprised by what Christian Slater, Brad Pitt, and Tom Cruise (who I really, really dislike, so it took a lot of suspension of my personal feelings to watch him as Lestat) brought to their roles. But I had a lot of trouble with Antonio Banderas as Armand. Not only was he different from how I saw the character, he was vastly different from how Rice wrote him. Out of all of them, I thought it was Kirsten Dunst who was brilliantly cast as Claudia. When I compare Pattinson’s and Stewart’s performances to hers (and she was twelve!), I can definitely understand your perspective of their acting.
Since I haven’t read either Twilight or Moby Dick, I’m coming at this purely on what an incredible writer YOU are. This story really touched me, I think the most at the moment when you’re in the backseat and the tears overcame you. Good grief. Very talented writer.
Plus, I like your mention of that wasit-length board-straight hair. I think I always like your hair stories.
sorry, “waist” length is what I meant. : )
I think I always like your hair stories.
Why did that crack me up?
Thanks for your kind words.
And Carole King owes me.
I should try hunting down the motorcycle hair story. That one’s great, too. : )
That’d be right here.
Thank you! Damn… that guy was mythic. The way you describe waiting in front of school to hear his engine roar.
I’m pretty sure he would laugh to hear himself described as mythic. But that’s what young girl love makes of the boys in our lives.
This was awesome. 🙂
You already know my feelings on the subject of tastes (though now I’m feeling inspired to post about it), but I have to say that upon reading your wonderful, wonderful entry, it might be why I don’t get Bella as a heroine.
My first love was awesome. I’m discounting my attempt at passing for a straight man (though we all know how that turned out), and moving right on to my first boyfriend, and it was a wonderful, really cofidence-inspiring relationship.
Later loves? Not so much, but my first love was the only real love I allowed myself as a teenager.
Maybe – dare I say it – I don’t get it because I didn’t really go through the harder relationships until I was in university.
I do recall, however, one parent saying to me, “Do I need to sit down and have a talk with my daughter after she reads these?” I couldn’t help myself. I said, “shouldn’t you always? Just to see if there’s a great discussion to be had?”
Thanks, ‘Nathan.
I LOVED talking about books with everyone in my family, including my parents. It was one of those things we could bond about no matter what else was going on. And I have to thank all of them for introducing me to many, many books that I loved–and still love.
Not to compare books to movies, but … My Mom and I do not read the same type of books, however on movies… we both watched The Reader, and I really thought the movie was outstanding, and I loved talking to her about it! It was a great wonderful discussion – the best part of the movie.
This is pure writing from the heart, and I’m enchanted to have shared that first love with you . . . and to find where it’s brought you to today.
I’m quite overcome by your telling of such a simple, yet very moving story – you should write it into one of your books sometime.
Thank you so much for your kind words. Write it into a book? But you got to read it here for free! 😉
you have a memory that is why you can write…
i can’t remeber what happened Monday…
But did you get your heart broken Monday? You’d remember that.
Okay, so I am coming late to the party, but It’s been a crazy busy week paper grading wise.
First I loved reading your story of first heartbreak. Second, I have made it through the first three books on cd, but had to take a break, not because the writing was awful or I hated the story or anything like that. If anything it is because the writing is too good. Meyers totally captured that angsty teenager thing to its annoying perfection. She got it right. I think it served as a reminder as to why I can’t teach high school. LOL As others have said, I can definitely see the appeal to her intended audiance. I think that’s whay a lot of the naysayers don’t take into consideration… she wrote them for teenagers, not adults, and teenagers get what Bella is going through.
Well said, Becky…
Yes, teenagers are maddening! Then I remember how little time they’ve been on this confusing planet, and I have more patience.
Something that vexes me is when reviewers say Bella is not a good role model for girls. Um, is this a “how-to” book? Because I thought it was fiction, and Bella is just a character in a story, flaws and all.
Or when they say that Edward is a controlling stalker or Jacob mouth-rapes Bella, and what on earth will boy readers take from this? Um, that the characters are vampires and werewolves who are not always masters of their baser instincts?
I sort of consider that in mortal years, Edward never went beyond seventeen and Jacob is sixteen. And Bella is seventeen/eighteen. And the three of them don’t always show good judgment? Wow, can you believe it? Teens who sometimes show bad judgment? That’s CRAZY!
Fortunately, most of us grow up and become perfect. 😉
However, I do remember when I was a teenager and read Gone With The Wind, I couldn’t stop going around marrying men I didn’t love and shooting Yankees in the face. Then when I read The Love Machine, I decided to be a model, newscaster, and married woman desperately in love with a man who couldn’t return my feelings. And when I read The Sun Also Rises, I became a bullfighter. Finally, I read Love Story, got a mysterious unnamed illness, and died.
No, wait. I didn’t do any of those things. I just stayed me and kept reading books. But apparently the book police believe that teens are no longer capable of that kind of reading.
Do you have a picture of when you were a bulfighter? I’d love to see it. =0)
No, but I may have a picture of that time I read a Harry Potter book and turned into a wizard.
Eh… never mind… wizards were a dime a dozen back then. lol
Hi. Thanks for this post.
and though it wasn’t the last time I’d have a broken heart, because it was the first time, I had no context for it. I didn’t know that I’d eventually get over it.
That epiphany really helps me. I think I felt I was such an emotional mess when I started dating that I was sure something was wrong with me. Inexperience probably did make pain that much scarier and stronger. I feel a bit better about myself after realizing (with your help) that maybe everyone goes through that phase.
I think that insight will help me with my writing, too.
Thank you. 🙂
You’re welcome. It always surprises me when people from my long-ago past, who knew me in junior high or high school, tell me how confident and self-assured they thought I was. I was a wreck! I think most of us believe we’re the “only ones” with certain feelings and fears. Come to find out, most of us felt the same. We just showed it or reacted to it differently.
I do think going through things, then gaining perspective, helps us as writers. Above all, I think a good writer has to be genuinely interested in and empathetic to a wide range of people and personality types.
I can’t wait to hear what you thought of Breaking Dawn.
I really enjoyed reading your review of Twilight. It’s great to see what other people get out of books. Even if I didn’t love them, I still really enjoyed reading them. They kept me entertained, and I did get a lot of laughs out of them. That might not have been Meyer’s intention, but it worked for me. (Not to mention, I have to love them because they help ensure I get a paycheck!)
Actually, your review helped me like the books just a little more too, because i think I can relate to the readers a little better.
I’m really looking foward to seeing New Moon in the theater (and Matt bought Twilight on Bluray the other day!)
I can’t wait to see the movie, too! One reason I wanted to see Twilight was because you said it was so bad it was good. I can’t imagine seeing it with a theater full of Edward fans–would that make the experience better or worse, do you think?
I’m glad if I helped you understand the teenage girl perspective better. =) I’m also glad I wasn’t working in a bookstore when Breaking Dawn hit the shelves!