I’ve been spending a lot of time in my car lately (this is unusual), so I’ve been hearing a lot of radio (also unusual). I like the sound of Timbaland’s “Apologize” enough to have checked out the video, which I also like. I just disagree with the sentiment. It’s never too late to apologize. Though I think an insincere, forced, or manipulative apology is worse than no apology at all, a true apology can be healing for the giver and the receiver.
What an apology might not do is return things to the way they were “before.” I learned this after I apologized to someone who was dying, and then again after he was dead. Did he forgive me the first time? Hear me the second time? I’ll never know, but I still needed to do it.
Even if the person who receives the apology is still around, s/he may feel like it’s better to accept the apology and move on, lesson learned. Some things, once broken, are gone for good. Maybe an apology just smooths out the jagged edges so they’re not so painful.
The last couple of weeks of April and the first couple of weeks of May are my annual time of reflection. Maybe I need a spring cleaning of the soul every year.
ETA: Years later, I realized this song by One Republic became a favorite. Funny how things can change. Though I still say it’s never too late to apologize. (5/23/14)
clearing your soul is important – you can never make someone accept what you offer. All you are responsible for is the offering.
All you are responsible for is the offering.
That’s so true. It reminds me of the first time I heard and really UNDERSTOOD that the only person’s behavior I can control is my own. At first that’s maddening, then you realize what a RELIEF it is!
Some people think it’s a shame that we get older and wiser but can’t stop the younger people in our lives from making mistakes. But it’s those “mistakes” that made us wiser in the first place. We all have to make that journey on our own.
Of course, you and I still have lots to learn since we’re only 35.
Very wise.
I know it probably means I am a small person, but when someone harms me or someone I love, I may accept their apology, but I never trust nor like them ever again.
I don’t think that makes you small. Sometimes your inner wisdom guides you away from a person who’s hurt you (or someone you love), even after you’ve forgiven him/her. We don’t know why people come into and go out of our lives. There’s a lesson in everything, I think, even if the lesson is to keep your distance–forever.
Broken trust is probably the hardest thing for anyone to “fix.”
I watched Atonement (despite its getting a recommendation from that damned Puterbaugh) recently.
Still thinking about it, might write about it. But you remind me of its apology-weight, and how it’s never too late (though, the movie makes a strong case for, “the sooner the better.”) Heartbreaker movie!
P.S. Don’t see it. There are a couple of things that might make you never accept an apology from me in it. : )
Does a dog die?
I don’t want to spoil anything for your readers. I’ll send you an e-mail with flowers and smiley faces all over it, in a second. : )
LOL, include a yellow VW convertible and I’ll forgive you in advance.
You really know how to make a guy think, huh? Whatta cool post!!
Thanks, Gary. =)