I was at some event at Saints & Sinners over the weekend, where I began to speak with sadness about how Famous Author Rob Byrnes was unable to attend the festival.
A person–I don’t even know who he was–turned and said, “Famous Author Rob Byrnes IS here.”
I rolled my eyes and said, “In spirit, yes. He’s everywhere. Like herpes, but different. However, the actual FAMOUS AUTHOR Rob Byrnes is not here IN THE FLESH.”
The stranger got quite testy with me and said, “You’re wrong.”
Wrong? Wrong? Did he not realize he was speaking to AN ARIES?
“I doubt it,” I said dismissively (whatever David Puterbaugh says about using adverbs) and turned away.
“I saw him. In the Quarter. Ask anyone. Famous Author Rob Byrnes IS HERE THIS WEEKEND.”
(It really annoys me when people other than me, dooce, and Andy from the Timothy James Beck books speak Uppercase.)
“Whatever,” I said, because it remains the snappiest comeback of all time. Then, being Miss Smug of the World, I added loudly, “If anyone has photographic proof that Famous Author Rob Byrnes is IN NEW ORLEANS at Saints & Sinners, let them deliver it to my e-mail. I’ll publish it ON MY LIVEJOURNAL.”
WHY did I do that to myself? The photos are rolling in.
More to come…
Nah, it was all photoshopped. You, of all people, know how that works.
I’ll let you all be the judge when I have time to post the photos.
He WAS there.
Apparently, he was having fun, too, when he wasn’t working like a mule. Or something.
Ha!
it IS the snapppiest comeback.
this entry made me laugh out loud.
i look forward to the photos. 😉
Re: it IS the snapppiest comeback.
i look forward to the photos. 😉
Me, too!
You know (head down – shuffles feet), sometimes I speak in uppercase…
I’m sure it’s because you’re imitating ME and NOT DOOCE. Right? RIGHT?
(I know what you’re going to say. That you’re not imitating anyone. Can you not let me have ONE FANTASY?)
Hmmm…maybe I should have looked at names on badges a little closer.
Mmmhmmm.
He went after all? he sounded so depressed about not getting to go on his site the other day. If he was there I hope he finally met up with you and Tim.
Other wise…BAD FARB! VERY BAD FARB!
And now that you are back, you need to get over there and take that damn quiz. It is addicting I swear. I suck at it, but I can’t not take it. I need help. Something like…”Hi, I’m Debbi, and I have a problem. I have to play this game. I NEEEED to play this game. Please help me.” I know, it’s sad.
Glad your back home safe and sound though.
As to whether or not he was there, I’ll let you judge from the pictures. When I post them.
Photographic evidence? Oh dear! There goes all his credibility.
–Anonymous Guy Who Has Never Been in the Same Room as Famous Author Rob Byrnes
I swear I saw him at Cafe du Monde.
I saw him, too. I think he was in Jackson Square!
I saw him driving an 18-wheeler at a truck stop near Memphis.
Wait . . . that was Elvis.
Regardless, I’m giddy with anticipation at the thought of the photos.
-Crash
I think it’s safe to tell you–because I can sense you’re one of “us”–that Jimi Hendrix works third shift at the Delco plant in Dayton, Ohio.
“In this case,” he said, confidently, “your adverb usage was more than justified.”
THANK you. 😉