For Shannon

I wanted to jump into the conversation you and Tim were having regarding Rutlie, but apparently, I’m TOO WORDY and exceeded the maximum allowance for comments. (Imagine that!)

One of the hardest things I ever learned was to get inside the pack mentality, but it’s absolutely necessary in understanding and safeguarding my dogs. What I’ve learned is that a dog can accept you as the alpha, but he will also constantly test you. This is not because he’s a bad dog. It’s his way of reconfirming how he’s supposed to behave in a world where he’s not in charge.

A lot of people think these tests are the dog’s effort to gain alpha status. I don’t agree with this. A dog learns the rules. To feel secure, he’s going to ask, for his entire life, “Are these still the rules?” (And is that really so different from our human need to know we are loved? We don’t hear those words one time and believe them for life. We want them repeated and we want them followed up by action.)

Margot, for example, will often demonstrate testing behavior. Margot was a longtime street stray and she’s insecure. She needs a lot of consistent and ongoing reassurance that all is well. For example, when Tim gets up, Margot will frequently immediately get in the spot where he was sitting. She is not relaxed. She dreads and yet wants him to come back and tell her to move. He does; she moves; all is well. She’s just had it confirmed. Tim is a confident alpha who will enforce the rules consistently. This makes her feel secure.

Guinness (also a lab mix, like Rutlie) is a needy dog who craves attention. One way she’ll attempt to get it is to control me by making me “move around” her. She’ll block the door. She’ll stand where I need to be in the kitchen. If I go around her or express frustration, I’ve just made her question my alpha status. Now she’s insecure, because the pack leader has shown weakness. Bad behavior can follow. Instead of accommodating her, I have to order her out of my way or even walk into her and push her away. This reminds her that I’m in charge and she can relax; she doesn’t have to be alpha, because a strong and confident alpha is already in place.

Some people have a problem with dominating dogs. They feel like they are showing a lack of respect for the canine species. Far from it. The pack mentality inherent to canines requires a strong alpha. No matter what pack the dog is in, someone will assume the alpha role. When you take a dog into your home, as long as you the human are providing the shelter, the food, the security, you must be the alpha.

Tim brought up a really good point when he talked about Rex getting tense if Tim audibly expresses anger over something he reads online. EVERY time I get frustrated with my computer and make a noise, both dogs leave the office. I’ve made them anxious. They are the only other living things in the room after all, so if I raise my voice or make an exasperated noise, they think it’s about them. Instead of being the strong alpha, I cause them anxiety because I seem irrational. After all, they were just lying there sleeping. Why am I suddenly mad at them?

It’s easy to see that if we’re frustrated while paying bills, or dealing with a phone call that’s annoying us, or trying to find something we’ve misplaced, or bitching because we just burned a pot of beans, or arguing with someone else in the room, all our behavior is interpreted by the dog as: She’s mad at me. Why? What did I do wrong? How can I make her happy again? What should I do? I need her to show me she’s strong and in charge. If she’s not strong and in charge, no one is. That scares me, so I’ll [chew up something or bark or pee where I never did before].

Of course, we can’t always be in control of all our emotions just to spare our dog’s feelings. But we can be aware that what we do will/does affect their behavior. If we see them react, we can then engage them in an activity that reassures them that the world is as it should be. Often when my dogs run out of the room because I bitched at my computer, I’ll wait a few minutes then walk out and say, “Do you need to go outside?” Then we go out together and let things be as they normally are. Or I’ll just go sit in another room and let them come to me, in which case I can talk to them in a normal tone so they know all is well.

I think a lot of people don’t want to put that much thought and energy into getting inside their dogs’ heads, which isn’t surprising. A lot of people won’t put even that much into getting inside their children’s heads! But I think that’s part of taking on the responsibility of an animal and enjoying the many hours of love and companionship she gives me. I owe her a world where she feels secure.