Why do all these women call people so early in the morning? Clearly, they are not related to people who suffer from insomnia and migraines.
As you may recall, when I couldn’t make Elderly Lady understand that she’s calling the wrong cell phone, I programmed in her number as “Wrong Number” and gave her a silent ring so she’d stop waking me up three to four hours after I fell asleep.
Now I have Excitable Mother. Today was the third time that she’s called around 8 a.m.
I never answer these calls. For one thing, I can’t get to the phone before it goes to voice mail when I’m awakened from a sound or drug-induced sleep. For another, I vainly believe that hearing MY VOICE on MY VOICE MAIL repeating MY NUMBER will clue them in that they’re doing something wrong.
I am a stupid optimist. Today, I called her back and asked why she keeps calling my number.
Excitable Mother: Is this (gives me my number)?
Me: Yes. That’s my number.
Excitable Mother: NO, THAT’S MY DAUGHTER’S NUMBER.
Me: Ma’am, this has been my cell phone number for twelve years.
Excitable Mother: NO, THIS HAS BEEN MY DAUGHTER’S NUMBER FOR TEN YEARS. I DIAL IT EVERY DAY.
Me: You dial some number every day. You only dial this one every now and then. Always at eight in the morning. Could you perhaps choose a later hour to misdial?
Excitable Mother: I AM NOT DIALING THE WRONG NUMBER. (repeats number; mine again) THIS IS MY DAUGHTER’S NUMBER. THERE’S SOME MISTAKE HERE. YOU ARE THE ONE WHO’S WRONG.
Oh? You have just told an Aries that she is wrong, you crazy risk taker, you.
You will never know how much strength it took to keep myself from saying, “You are right. This is your daughter’s number. I, a strange woman you do not know, am answering your daughter’s phone in the early morning in a sleepy voice. Then I pretend that I don’t know her and that you’re dialing the wrong number. Now you put your little mind around that for a while, ‘kay, and see what conclusion you draw.”
But no. I suggested that maybe her daughter and I shared the same number but different area codes. She denied this, but without much force.
If she calls me again, I’m inviting her to our commitment ceremony.
“If she calls me again, I’m inviting her to our commitment ceremony.”
HAHAHAH
you’ve GOT to record that cuz i NEED to hear her response.
Oh, I would have loved to hear her face if you’d said the first thing. 😉
If she calls me again, I’m inviting her to our commitment ceremony.
Funny! You totally should. That would rattle her. There’s nothing worse than being a night person and having the phone ring ass-early. Who are these early risers? I ask you.
Evidently, the person who had my phone number before me was a handyman. I’d get all sorts of calls for people wanting their roofs patches, their toilets fixed. One old lady, Mrs. Picker, sounded so pitiful. I generally never called anyone back, but in her case I did. She needed her air conditioner fixed, adding, “It’s hot.” And it was. And I couldn’t stand the thought of her suffering, wondering why “Henry” hadn’t called her back. So I called her and explained that Henry had moved, etc. Poor Mrs. Picker.
Then one time, I got home around 3 in the morning. Saw I had a message. And it was a little hillbilly girl saying, “You know what you sound like? You sound like a f*cking faggot!” EERIE to get a message like that. So I called the number back. (She didn’t block her caller-ID.) And talked with both her parents. Both denied it was their daughter. (But they both had the same thick twang as the message-leaver.) I told ’em if it happens again, I’m calling the police.
Wrong numbers are wacky, I tell ya. Yet it’s sorta intriguing to get to talk with complete strangers…
I am up wicked early, but I would never call anyone. Sometimes I am up wicked late, it’s a matter of perspective. But still, I would never ever call anyone. It’s rude. I hate it myself. If I am sleeping and someone calls really late, I get irritated, as sleep is so precious to me.
I think using a bull horn for blowing into the phone works, or some other loud sound…but that is really mean. 🙂
Rhonda and I kept getting calls for “Pam” for a while. We would tell the people, “wrong number” and they would call right back. We finally figured out that Pam was getting OUR calls, too. We called the phone company, and it turned out that our phone lines had been crossed. It was fixed within 24 hours.
The only way we figured that out was because the wrong callers gave us Pam’s number when we asked what number they had dialed, yet OUR phone kept ringing. Then we called our house from a cell phone and got Pam’s voicemail. — Crazy.
I had a similar situation once, but I can’t remember the details.
Though my family did once live in a house that got its lines crossed with a woman whose husband was working out of town. He used to call her and they’d get amorous on the phone. I would listen in and try not to giggle hysterically. I think I was around eleven.
I say you call the 281 or 832 equivalent of your cell number then ask if the person answering is Excitable Mom’s daughter. If it is? Have a nice chat. Mention that if her mom doesn’t start dialing more carefully when she wakes up, you’re going to start calling HER (the daughter) before you go to sleep. I’ll bet the calls will stop. Why yes, I am evil. Why do you ask?
You know, that’s actually how I finally broke some of my acquaintances from calling me early in the morning. I offered to call them on MY schedule, when it would be a good time for ME to talk, like 3 or 4 a.m.
Ah, Beck, Beck, Beck.
Try answering the phone the next time by screaming, “Mom I hate you and I think you’re a fucking whore.”
Then turn it off.
Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner! You, my dear man, are BRILLIANT!
Oh my god, Greg. That is HILARIOUS! 🙂
Now remember…these calls are waking me up and sometimes I have trouble reading the display and comprehending (keyword: Vicodin!), and there have been occasions when my own mother has called me that early because of urgent circumstances, so the possibility of…
Well, hey. Never mind.
(KIDDING, Debby, if you’re reading this!!!)
A couple of months ago, some drunk girl sent me a whole bunch of text messages over several days thinking I was her boyfriend that cheated on her. I was going to text her back telling her she had the wrong person, but I didn’t, because the messages made me laugh.
You did her a favor by just reading the messages and not letting her know they weren’t getting to him. Twenty-one years from now, she’d be railing against her own stupidity for ever giving him ONE MORE MINUTE of her precious time after she found out that he’s a cheater.
I mean…not that I ever made that mistake or anything…