Wouldn’t it be nice if life came with a do-over switch? I’m one of those people who sometimes blithely says that I have no regrets, because every mistake I made got me to where I am today, and it’s not a bad place to be.
However, even if I stand by the choices and decisions I’ve made, I’d love to have some do-overs for times when I wish I’d followed my better nature, with a little more dignity and responsibility than I actually showed. My bad judgment–or failure to follow my good judgment–didn’t hurt anyone else in any significant way, but it did hurt me, and occasionally my mistakes still vex me in the dead of night.
One time I heard someone ask my mother what she’d do differently if she could raise her kids again. She speculated that she shouldn’t have taught us to be so empathetic. She felt like maybe we were taken advantage of, or didn’t look out for our own interests enough, because we were too quick or willing to acknowledge how “the other person” feels.
I’ve always said that I’d rather be a decent person who occasionally gets fucked over than the one who does the fucking over. I believe I learned something from my bad choices, and I’ve tried to find a balance between being who I want to be and not causing damage to anyone else. I don’t always succeed, but I give it my best effort.
I think about these things a lot when I consider larger topics than ME–like politics and business–and success in those arenas. It all comes down to how a person defines success. It takes a certain ruthlessness to get a lot of power or a lot of money, and if those are the rewards by which people measure success, then I suppose they’re willing to be ruthless.
That isn’t how I measure success, and I’m not ruthless. If the worst thing you can call me is a bleeding heart liberal, I can live with that. ‘Cause if you ever find yourself in trouble–and who doesn’t?–who would you rather call: someone with the heart to help you, or someone who’ll only help you if there’s profit to be had?
Which makes me wonder how many people are in trouble in ways they never imagined they would be and would like a do-over in the voting booth. Would a different choice have effected a better outcome?
I’m sure things could be worse, but even for a person like me, who likes to be optimistic, who wants to believe the best of people, who tries to step back and see a larger picture, things seem so bleak. For example, I take no glee in Bush’s low approval rating. In fact, it gives me a sick feeling, because it makes our nation look unguided and weak. I suppose if Bush’s dismal performance would provoke people to vote, and vote responsibly, it could have a positive outcome.
But when you talk to people who voted for Bush–if you can find them, and I can–they don’t back down an inch. They still blame an “other”: liberals or the poor or the homosexuals or the foreigners. It’s never the fault of people who govern according to their pocketbook instead of their conscience. In the long run, it doesn’t matter where we cast blame; we are where we are. Maybe the answer lies in wondering who we want to call when our nation is in trouble: the leader with a heart, or the leader who wants only to profit.
And for those who sputter that they DON’T vote the bottom line, but vote values, maybe it’s time they reread the words they profess to live by, in particular words that address the poor, the hungry, the imprisoned, and the answers to “who is my neighbor” and “what is the greatest commandment.” Maybe then there will be an honest answer to “What would Jesus do–over?”
Yeah, my father is one of those people who will always blame “those damned Democrats” but yet, he hates Bush now. He claims that any Democrat would be worse than Bush, but seeing as how that is just not possible in the real world, I just let him think what he wants. I dislike that he is that way, but he is a stubborn man with no concept of reality in today’s world, other than my mom’s illness, and well, fishing. (He is a charter fisherman–and quite fun to be around as long as you don’t talk politics with him.) He has no issue with gays, surprisingly, and he has no issue with women’s rights. It’s odd.
My husband’s parents are quite the opposite. They are VERY pro-democrat, and they loved Kerry, and they liked anything having to do with equal rights for all. Bob’s dad was a physisist in the DOD for many many years, retired now, and he HATES anything government because he was the dude that went out and tested the land, environment, air and all that, after a nuclear bomb was dropped. He also will NEVER fly. He won’t tell me why either. Bob’s mom, well she goes along with her husband, but really, she doesn’t know much about politics, and she is mean. 🙂 But that is another story.
Bush has killed what American feeling I had. I see what is going on over seas, and I hear the polls of Iraqis saying it’s okay to kill American’s if it’s justified. And the list goes on and on. I wasn’t in favor of the war, ever. Hell, I was in Ireland this time 3 years ago when it started. And the protesting at Shannon airport was going on, against the idea of the Air Force using their fuel to fly on to Iraq. I just feel, now, there is nothing more we can do. I feel defeated. By my own god damned President (pardon my language). I can’t wait for him to be gone, but I fear what we will face when the turn about comes. Who will it be? And what probleme we will have since we will be in total debt from Bush’s own personal crusade.
Ah, but I sure did go on. Sorry, but it’s how I feel personally.
“Do unto others as you want them to do to you’ really says it all. What scares me is how so many have twisted it to “do unto others before they do to you.” Then they justify it by trying to displace blame onto anyone that will make a good scapegoat. My faith in a just God carries me through, though. One day the scales will balance. if I didn’t believe that with all my heart I think I’d go mad!
Coming to love and value my own some what over developed empathetic nature has been the goal in many a therapy session, so I smiled when I saw what your mother had mused.
Your empathy is what drew me to what a wonderful person you were and made me desire to have you as a friend my dear.
No matter if you win every high literary honor available and your books spawn Oscar winning films, to me you will never be more successful then you are right now. You are living by example , showing me and so many others what being a success is all about. It is your kindness, your courage and your open mindedness.
Sorry that this comment is a bit off focus of the main thrust of the post was my dear.
You made me cry. Thank you.
Yet another reason for me to want to adopt your mom! I, too, have times when I wish I hadn’t taught my kids empathy, good manners, etc, but instead raised them to be assholes like so many other people are doing. Especially now, in the adolescent years, it makes life harder for them becaue those assholes pick up on the fact that they can hassle them, and my kids won’t respond in kind.