1. Write a short story. Three months later, if the characters are still with you, decide to write a novel proposal for your editor.
2. Spend all your time on a different novel proposal for a different editor to give No. 1 more time to germinate.
3. Submit what you’ve done in No. 2 so you can have a higher level of anxiety as you get back to No. 1.
4. Now that you’ve worked yourself into a state of finger-freezing fear, come up with an excellent first sentence for Novel No. 1 in your head.
5. Get a migraine headache for three days that requires large doses of painkillers. You can be sure that you will dream whole passages of Novel No. 1 in between clutching your head, cursing your hormones, and having strange dreams about Rio sending the wrong e-mail to the wrong people.
6. Wake up without a migraine on Day 4. Water the flowers and plants in the front yard. Cook breakfast. Pay bills. Wander aimlessly through the house. Write comments in Famous Author Rob Byrnes’s blog. Update your Live Journal. Do anything but work on No. 1.
I have to disagree with you, because — in your version of How to Start a Novel (Not) — some writing actually occurs.
My version goes like this: procrastinate… procrastinate… procrastinate… panic because your novel is due in two months and you can’t afford to return the advance… write.
See? MUCH easier!
–Famous Author Rob Byrnes
Every day I learn from you! It’s no wonder you are FAMOUS AUTHOR Rob Byrnes!