Joys of Home Ownership

You would think in Houston there would be so much competition for your home repair dollar that companies would court you, woo you, treat you right. You would think wrong. We have been in our house nearly ten years, and I have accumulated many tales of “service” people. Service. Ha.

The latest: Tale of the Tree Surgeon

Chapter 1. Neighbor Who Fears Tree Falling On House In Hurricane (Neighbor, for short)
had attorney send us a letter about a tree. A sapling that began in Neighbor’s yard grew through HER fence onto our property. It put off a second trunklike thing. So there was a trunk in her yard and a trunk in ours, of a small tree. Should a hurricane have selected this tree from among all the other trees in the neighborhood, and should the hurricane have made it fall on her house instead of Writing Partner’s apartment, I suspect the damage would have been minimal.

However, she is elderly and has tree issues from the past, so we agreed to go in half with her and have the tree cut down. The stump had to stay unless she wanted a big gaping hole in her fence.

Chapter 2. Two tree surgeons were called; only one responded. He came out the next day and gave us a reasonable estimate for cutting down the tree. Estimate was delivered to Neighbor, who let many weeks pass before responding. (Presumably because hurricane season was over.)

Chapter 3. Neighbor’s concern cranked up, and she alerted us that tree must go! Tree surgeon contacted again. Appointment made for early Thursday morning so Husband could delay going to work. (Note: Wives and Writing Partners stay up all night and like to sleep late, but Husbands like loud yard equipment and trees coming down, so this was an opportunity not to be missed.) Tree Surgeon did not show up when scheduled. Husband called. Tree Surgeon promised to come just after noon. Husband took vacation day from work.

Chapter 4. Three o’clock came. No Tree Surgeon. Husband called. They were just finishing another job. They were on the way! Five o’clock came. No Tree Surgeon. Husband called; left message. Neighbor called. Didn’t we know how important this was to her? Why wasn’t it done?

Chapter 5. Tree Surgeon oddly quiet on Friday. Was he mourning the Dead Pope? On death watch for Prince Ranier? Flying to England for the Royal Wedding?

Chapter 6. Monday morning, Husband reached Tree Surgeon who vowed to come that afternoon. Husband left work early. Guess who never showed up? Husband called again, and Tree Surgeon said, “We’ll be there in the morning so I can get you out of my hair.” Husband repeated this sentence to Disbelieving Wife. (Note: But really, why am I surprised? Ten years of home ownership. Ten years that included a severe LECTURE from a PLUMBER to Disbelieving Wife and Writing Partner about a hot water heater. Plumbers LECTURING people who are writing them checks. Tree Surgeons COMPLAINING about pesky homeowners who are writing them checks. And don’t get me started on the damn Siding Guy and the Squirrel.)

Chapter 7. Early morning. Husband planned to go into work late again. Tree Surgeon arrived! Tree was cut down and ground up within an hour. Check was written. Neighbor reimbursed her half. And complained about the stump. The stump of her tree. Growing through her fence. From her property. I think Neighbor should call Tree Surgeon to find out HIS suggestion for the stump lest I tell her MY suggestion. (Apologies to FARB for using a word like “lest.”)

This story’s over for me.