Hump Day


Last weekend, one of my industrious activities was altering the sleeves on a couple of shirts. In the process, I ran out of thread on a spool. It’s been YEARS since that happened. Those are my bifocals pictured with the sewing stuff. Since the surgery, they’ve actually been useful to me for the first time since I got that prescription…last July. Progress.

I didn’t get enough sleep last night. I tried to take a nap after meds and breakfast and eye drops and all the things. Nap wasn’t happening. So I kicked into gear and started doing things that I had no idea I intended to do.


First, I began to gather things for donation. These were my first items–some pristine stuffed animals, Houston Rockets souvenirs, lots and lots of throw pillows (none that were sewn for me, but including four I once sewed for myself), a couple of gently used quilted bedspreads and pillow shams, other bed linens, a beautiful shower curtain we haven’t used for years, some clothing, and all my old VHS tapes (if those Disney movies are worth something, then I hope someone with more energy than I have grabs them from one of the Goodwill stores and eBays the crap out of them). I’m sure there was more, because by the time I had it all gathered for Tom to load in the car after work, both dining tables were covered. The items have been donated!

We started a redo in the large guest bedroom (aka Lynne’s room), but it’ll be a few days before I can share photos because it’s a work in progress. Naturally, I failed to take before photos of anything, but I may have some old ones that’ll work.

I turned a brutal eye on the second guest room, or since 2020, the Writing Sanctuary (which at different times has been called the Butterfly Room, the Winnie the Pooh Room, and maybe the Quilt Room; I can’t keep up).

Here’s an example of how the bed can look in here when I’m full-on writing and otherwise multitasking. This is from mid-May.

That’s the collaged sketchbook I keep my completed coloring pages in, my wee CD player, the CD binder I’m STILL in (it’s like the freaking 1974 of CD binders), my day planner, Patti Smith’s book that I often use as a prompt when I’m writing in my day planner, the binder that I keep up with my bills in. So… that day, I was writing, listening to music, coloring, paying bills, and journaling. Behind it all, against the wall, is a little crate where I keep a bunch of the books I use for blogging ideas. Keep those books in the back of your mind while I move on.

I didn’t take a photo of the cabinet in here. The big box of CDs that won’t fit in binders was on it. A lot of medical stuff post-surgery. But other than all that extra stuff, the top part usually looked like this.

Some doll muses, a little bit of Dennis Wilson and Beach Boys stuff, Beatles-related stuff, and up top, a shadowbox with mementos of our late friend Steve and photos of him.

I was ready for some order and some change. Below, I’ll share a photo of the shadowbox (reminder: Winnie the Pooh and Piglet were our thing–on the top of the cabinet, not pictured here, there’s usually a stuffed version of both that Steve kept in the hospital with him, plus a Pooh bear Lynne made that I’d given to our late friend John). Those are now in a cabinet with the other stuffed animals because after I donated some, I had room for them. It’ll be better to keep them dust-free.


The shadowbox has been this way since… 1992? ’93? Shiny fabric lining the back was wrapped around the amethyst crystal hanging in there (upper right), a gift from Steve to me one Christmas, put together by one of his RNs, Billie, from a metaphysical shop she owned, and secured into a bag tied with gold cord that I don’t think is visible in this photo. It also contained a dried rose that’s hanging in here toward the middle. Next to the amethyst crystal is a quartz crystal that Steve kept around his neck most of the time. A tiny mirror has fallen behind the Pooh scene I cut out of a greeting card. I never asked, but maybe there was a time before I met him when he and his friends did bumps off that mirror. It was the ’70s, it was the ’80s, and everyone was young and beautiful and life was a party until AIDS crashed it.

So now you need to remember those writing prompt books and this shadow box, while I show you this.


A lovely little pillow I bought sometime in the ’90s, cross-stitched with a scene featuring Winnie, Tigger, and Piglet. After the turn of the century, a young dog with a penchant for destroying linens and other fabric items chewed up part of this pillow. Could have been Margot; could have been Guinness. I well remember their team and individual exploits. Anyway, it’s been on top of that cabinet, too, and today I took it apart.


It became part of the redone shadowbox. Still contains the shiny fabric against the back, the two crystals, the dried rose, and now you can see the mirror. I also put Steve’s Armchair Conductor baton in there. He used to listen to classical music on one of my little boomboxes I took him and direct an imaginary orchestra with that baton in the hospital. Steve was a graduate student in music, a band director, and a conductor.


Beneath that is a picture that was also on the top shelf with Langston Hughes’s “Poem”:

I loved my friend.
He went away from me.
There’s nothing more to say
The poem ends,
Soft as it began–
I loved my friend.

Below that is a photo of Riley playing guitar. The poem was true of Steve in 1992. It became true of Riley in 2008.


So now there’s a corner, and on the other wall is the drawing I bought in 2010 from Gilbert Ruiz, a Houston artist, that makes me think of the novel I’ve yet to write about a ghost. The story contains elements of teenage Becky and includes characters inspired by My First Boyfriend and Riley, and borrows from a terrible thing that happened in our little Alabama town. That shadow box also contains strands of love beads from the ones Lynne and I strung all one summer.


Steve’s two 8×10 photos and a photo of Riley playing piano have joined the Family and Friends Gallery in the hall (of Houndstooth Hall).


I think you’re caught up to the redo of the little place where I had that mess of books. Now it’s just my various eReaders and the CD player I use for my playlist when I write. Tidier, right?


Those books moved to the top shelf that used to be all Steve stuff. They join some journals that had been on a tavern table in the dining room, my day planner, the Patti Smith book, my manifestation dude, sitting next to little herbal bags that were also from Steve and from Billie back in the day, and the “Sisters are forever” art given to me by Debby.

Next shelf down are more muses: Dennis Wilson, Beach Boys things, and four of my character dolls.

Bottom shelf are my Beatles things.

You have no idea what a mess those shelves were. Maybe now that my space feels so much clearer and uncluttered, my brain will follow suit and help me write again? When Lynne was here, she sat in this room as I read chapters aloud to her that she hadn’t previously read. She liked them. She said I NEED TO FINISH THE BOOK.

Mood: Monday

This painting is in the public domain.

Artist Alexei Jawlensky, Russia, Germany
oil wax medium on cardboard, 1928

The name of the painting is Sorrow, the word I searched in art titles first because of the school shooting in Nashville. Before I learned of the shooting, I’d been thinking of the losses of two important women I know.

Both women lived long, full lives, one dying in December at age 98, and one dying in February at age 96. They were smart, strong women full of many talents and were greatly loved by those blessed to know them. Both showed me enormous kindnesses at different times in my life, and each of them had a son who changed my life and helped shape who I am in profound ways. I will always be grateful for those men and their mothers.

I can’t help but wonder what amazing things three nine-year-old children and three adults in their sixties would have continued bringing to the world if it weren’t just so important that people in this country remain “free” to buy assault weapons that exist for the sole purpose of quickly killing large numbers of humans.

A random but specific hope

I previously posted a photo of Jackson Pollock’s painting Number 31, painted in 1949.

“My mind is a jumble,” Riley wrote in a poem (I mentioned this here once before, sometime in 2020). I tell the people who live with me or interact with me now, and who’ll hopefully be around if I, like my parents before me, grapple with some form or degree of dementia in my last years, that they must, absolutely must, tell the people in whose care I’m placed that the population I talk about, the people whose skins and brains and lives I seem to shift in and out of, are not a sign of madness, multiple personality disorder, or some brand of schizophrenia (a disease I barely understand and probably shouldn’t even reference).

No, I am afflicted by characters. I contain multitudes of lives and minds and hearts who never leave me. Each of them can, all at once or at different times, be my own heart, my soul, my memory, my past, present, future. In all the folds of my brain, they coexist among a lifetime of friends, colleagues, family members, heartbreakers, healers, poets, liars: shining examples of all that is flawed and sublime about humans. When my last chapter unfolds, I may not be able to say who is real and who is imagined.

In the end, everyone is a bit of both, probably.

International Women’s Day

Despite my urge to say more related to International Women’s Day about what’s going on in the U.S. and worldwide, I can express it no better than this. Be you. Be kind. Persevere.

On a personal note, thinking a lot about Riley on the date of his birth. It never mattered how much of our lives were lived away from each other, or all we never had enough time to tell each other. The core connection was unbreakable… and remains so.

It’s a false narrative that being a feminist means hating men. A desire for equality, inclusion, and parity are not indicators of hate. The desire to prevent and eradicate those things… That’s hate.

Mood: Monday

I previously posted a photo of a painting in oil and paper on canvas by John O’Donoghue, Piano Takes Centre Stage.

This is one of the paintings I found a week ago as I was writing a chapter featuring my Musician. The scene I created reminded me of a time long ago. I’d been living back in an area near my (two) hometowns after graduating from college. When I was driving through one of those towns, I saw a sign on a local bar announcing that my old friend Riley would be playing there.

We’d lost touch; I heard and knew things about his life, but I generally followed the adage let sleeping dogs lie. Some friendships are meant for a place and time, and then they fade away. I went home and wrote a poem of eight verses that summed up those earlier years of friendship.

A few lines, near the end:

I’d believed your music would always last
Then for a time thought you’d left it behind
But I knew I’d given up too fast
When I saw your name on the roadside sign

© Becky Cochrane, 1979

The full poem was sad, wistful, and now rereading it, I see it conveys truths I’d forgotten of how people other than us damaged the friendship. Maybe we’d let that happen because we thought it was time to put away childish things.

I couldn’t stop thinking of him. It wasn’t a romance thing. We were both married. I wondered to Lynne if I should go see him play. She and a friend of hers offered to go with me. So we did.

I don’t remember if he was playing piano when we got there, or guitar. But it was surely when he was playing guitar that he glanced out at the tables and… I would wish everyone in life could just once see someone look out with shock, with disbelief, that turns to wonder, and then to utter joy at the sight of you.

It was the resurrection of a friendship that wouldn’t stop until the day he did, on this date, January 16, 2008. There are a million stories; some I’ve told here, some I never will. But for a brief moment, in my novel, I got to bring my amazing friend to life again using a character who is unlike him in almost every way except talent.

Riley will always be alive in my heart and my art. These are the last four lines of that old poem.

Maybe nothing ever really ends —
Life is filled with twists, with bends —
Life is lovely when it sends —
Guitars, pianos, drums, and friends —
© Becky Cochrane, 1979

Mood: Monday

I previously posted a photo of the oil and paper on canvas work, Guitar Solo, by artist John O’Donoghue.

I’ve fallen in love with John O’Donoghue’s work. On part of the printed material on this painting are the words “I want to run…hide…” I had already been thinking of a post for 1/16, sharing photos from my past, that would begin, “Do you ever want to run away to, and hide in, a certain moment from among your memories…”

Later, unrelated, I began searching Google images for something for today’s post, using the search term “art with guitar in the title.” This painting caught my eye from among many, and only after I decided to use it did I realize it contains lines from U2’s “Where the Streets Have No Name,” tying it in theme, if not level of talent, to a painting I did last year in honor of a character–all of which I’ll talk about more on my post a week from now, which is also a Monday. Probably I should have saved this entire thing for then, but I was so excited to discover a new-to-me artist, marveling again at the way the Universe assists us when we ask for and are open to answers. I’ll use another of O’Donoghue’s paintings on that post that more closely matches the memories I plan to share.

Hope you tune in again on the 16th for my follow-up.

Get Back

Tom and I watched Peter Jackson’s The Beatles: Get Back 2021 documentary over three nights–Saturday, Monday, and tonight (Wednesday). It’s a brilliant documentary. It’s been many, many years since I saw the Let It Be documentary, and I tried really hard not to read reviews or spoilers about this one, because I knew it’d be a while before I could devote time to seeing it plus be emotionally in the right head space for it.

While working on the documentary, Peter had an idea when Paul was on his 2019 tour. He wanted to pitch it to him, but then the pandemic hit, nobody was touring, so he figured the moment had passed. When Paul announced his tour this year, Jackson reached out, worried Paul would think he was being a geeky fan boy, but Paul was all for it. Here’s what they put together for the first encore of Paul’s concerts.

Magic, magic, magic.

We’d have had a blast if we could have watched The Beatles: Get Back with Riley. It would have taken a lot longer, but Tom would have learned way more about Beatles band dynamics than I can tell him. Plus Riley would have given us a private concert of Beatles music, and I’D be the geeky fan girl for all of it.

ETA Fun Fact: Lynne’s cousin Nicky took the two of us to see the movie Let It Be on Thursday, July 16, 1970.