I wrote a little comment in the new TJB book that didn’t seem significant at the time, but it must be something I’ve been subconsciously thinking about. I read a number of blogs and online journals written by women who have gay friends–more specifically, gay best friends. A common theme, sometimes even an almost-obsession, seems to be that these women are always scoping out men who could be potential suitors, husbands, or even tricks for their gay friends.
Last night, Tim and I went to Kroger’s. I was alone in Produce, Tim having gone his own way, when I saw a guy shopping alone. My mind did the rapid-fire run down “the list”: height, eye color, dental health, apparel, general demeanor, etc., all for the sake of assessing whether I wanted to say to Tim, “There was this guy in Produce that you should’ve seen…”
Later, Tim and I met up, and as we turned into a different aisle together, Guy from Produce walked past us. I did a quick glance at Tim, and saw this tiny smile play across his face. I don’t know if the smile was because he registered the guy or because he saw that I was doing it again: man shopping for him.
In reality, I would never set up Tim with anyone. Or any of my friends. Because I learned a million years ago, when I was still a teenager, that it almost never works out and generally comes back to haunt the matchmaker. But like these women whose blogs I read, I seem to take an inordinate amount of interest in the courtship habits and preferences of my gay male friends.
After thinking about it, I realized other women I know who have a lot of straight male friends are always scoping out potential females for them, too. WHY? Do we think men need help finding partners? Or can we just not stand it when they don’t seem to be attached to someone? It’s never been a practice for me to do this for the single females I know (lesbian or straight), this constant scanning for available partners. I didn’t even do that for myself when I was single, because I never had a problem being alone and never felt incomplete without a man.
And I sure never wanted anyone to constantly present potential boyfriends to me. But I have no doubt that if I were to go to Walgreen’s with Tim in the next hour, I wouldn’t hesitate to say, “Hot guy on the candy aisle…”
