Tag: random

Snack Purgatory

I’m in the crabby mood that was predicted by Button Sunday. Not toward the people and dogs (and one cat) on The Compound, however. They’re great.

But whose idea of a cosmic joke is it that these things exist: BBQ Fritos, Coke C2, and yet not within easy access of me? Clearly, this is not a world run by an Aries.

Here’s something for the Tim fans. Timothy J. Lambert looks really hot today. Not in the “oy, it’s so humid” way. In the good way.

What? You want photos?

Now you know what it’s like to live in Snack Purgatory.

Text messaging can be fun

So Ric, who met me in a bar tonight somewhere in Chicago, text-messaged me at 3 a.m. and asked “what are u going to be on.” It’s too bad I don’t know what the hell that means. What am I going to be on? Um, Oprah? The Daily Show? Vicodin? My period? Interstate 10 when it reopens? My desk chair? MySpace? WTF??

But it was fun to text him back and let him know he dialed the wrong area code, because it gave me a chance to tell him to play safe. I’m sure he’s all, WTF? back at me now inside his head. Or he may pause and think that the universe is trying to tell him to wrap that rascal. You never know…

And I’ll give Ric credit. If he’s going to misdial my cell phone, at least he’s on MY schedule.

Crazy little thing

Greg may have his Crazy Laundress and Rhonda her Crazy Coffee Lady, but I have the Crazy Dialer. There is an obviously quite elderly woman who frequently misdials my cell phone number. It must be very similar to the one she wants. She never leaves a message to say “wrong number,” and of course, I never recognize the number, so I’ve often returned her calls to ask, “Were you trying to reach me?” “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I had the wrong number.”

I finally put her number into my cell phone’s contact list, with the name “Wrong Number” so I’d stop calling her back. One of her habits is making her calls around 7 a.m. This doesn’t work for me, because I’ve usually only been asleep between one and three hours at that point.

So now I’ve made her ring style “silent.” Hopefully that will solve the problem. Strangely, no matter how annoying this has been, I’ve been patient because I keep reminding myself that she’s old. Getting old doesn’t have many advantages, but one of them is that the elderly get a free pass on behaviors that would leave anyone else barely standing on scorched earth. Age is probably why Greg’s Crazy Laundress still lives.

Mostly, I wonder about the people who are related to Crazy Laundress, Crazy Coffee Lady, and Crazy Dialer. I’ll bet they’re the ones who turn into Crazy Drivers. At least they provide plenty of excitement for Rex.

Good health wishes

Nobody gets why I care about Gerald Ford. I just do. If I couldn’t have had the father I did, Gerald Ford would have been my second choice. (Bonus: Could have gotten stoned in the White House with my brothers.)

The 93-year-old Ford has been hospitalized for the third time this year, for tests, they say. I wish him good health and a quick return home.

Here, Ford is pictured standing next to someone with whom I wish I’d gone to school. Except he’s lots older than I am, of course. 😉

That is incorrect

From my online Rolling Stone comes the following quote from a reader:

READER COMMENT OF THE DAY: ROCK N’ ROLL DAILY: CELEBRITY LOOK-ALIKE BONANZA
I think Julian Lennon and k.d. lang are actually the same person. Have you noticed that you never see them together? Kind of like Peter Parker and Spiderman. Maybe I’m just a conspiracy theorist, but I think somebody should look into this.” — Ishmael (8/14/06 5:50PM EST)

Ishmael, that’s just crazy talk. I already exposed the k.d. lang secret right here.

Anyone* can play

Someone in the next TJB novel is getting a tattoo. I need a tattoo idea fast. REALLY fast.

I’m not allowed to tell you the character, the character’s gender, age, or race-for-no-apparent-reason. I can’t even tell you the character’s interests. If you MUST have a hint, I can tell you that nothing with a NASCAR theme would work. Also, no trees, as a tree of life temporary tattoo was used in THREE FORTUNES.

Please e-mail your tattoo suggestion to:

info@timothyjamesbeck.com

If your tattoo is chosen, you’ll receive an author-signed copy of the As Yet Unnamed Fifth Timothy James Beck novel when it is released next year. (Now you’ll understand the kind of delayed gratification writers endure.) Plus, of course, the glory that comes along with having YOUR tattoo idea immortalized in a novel.

*Anyone except Timothy J. Lambert and Jim Carter