For Lisa

They’ve stopped posting predictions until December 19, but I happened to click on my link at just the right time. I apologize to all of you who hate Todd’s “Spit of Satan,” but Old Faithful is such a showoff in the winter. I caught it when the eruption itself isn’t even that high, but the combination of cold air and steam makes for a stunning view.

Instant Karma’s Gonna Get You

In a large city, no matter what time of day or night you go somewhere, there will always be other people. Sometimes that’s good, and sometimes it’s not.

Tuesday evening I went to Kroger to get boxes, but there were none. So I drove to lots of other places and scared people by going behind stores to pick up boxes that I spied with my eagle vision. That’s a joke–the eagle vision, not the scaring people, including a couple who was walking down an alley toward a small apartment. In the normal course of things, there’d have been no reason for a car to be in that alley, and I could tell they felt threatened. I quickly rolled down my window and told them I was just there to get boxes that I’d spotted. I could see that the woman still felt a little edgy, and I felt bad for scaring her.

When I got home, Tom and Tim packed up a storm and used up the boxes I’d gotten. So later, when Tim went to Kroger, I went with him, in case they were finally stocking the shelves and had some empty boxes.

The stockers were still at the stage where they were just moving stuff into the aisles, so I couldn’t get more boxes. What I did get was a pervert. This guy in a black coat who was talking to himself and carrying several balloons that he kind of hid behind, came up to me and said, “Shake my hand.” I was all, “Huh?” His gaze was fixed on my breasts, and I started backing away from him. He reached out and TOOK MY HAND.

Do y’all know me? Those who do know that YOU DON’T TOUCH ME, ever, without permission. I was appalled and said, “What are you doing? Get away from me!” Then I backed away and began maneuvering through aisles, around boxes, sort of looking for Tim. But Balloon Man kept spotting me and trying to meet up with me again, so I went to the front of the store and sat on a bench near where the security guard was. Then Balloon Man got in line to pay and kept staring at me.

Which is when Tim arrived and I fled to him and said, “You must stand very, very close to me and be my boyfriend.” He already knew why; he’d noticed Balloon Man, too. As we were walking out, with Tim staying between me and Balloon Man, I heard Balloon Man say, “There you are!” Tim and I hurried past him and got inside the car. When we looked back, Balloon Man was standing in front of the store with a cell phone up to his ear. Whatever. We took a different route home. And then I couldn’t go back later to get the empty boxes.

To that couple that I inadvertently scared, I’m SORRY!

Karma’s a bitch.

What’s in the box?

I remember a time when Shannon photographed the inside of her refrigerator and made me jealous with all the goodies inside it. In comments to a recent post of Lisa’s, I issued a challenge. Without cleaning/organizing it, shoot your fridge and put it on your journal/blog.

My refrigerator, like my stove, is in the middle of my dining room while my kitchen is being remodeled.

but I never ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself

Monday morning

Monday morning stream of consciousness, or: Why I Finally Got Out of Bed

We were expecting Joe.My.Contractor. bright and early with people to start hammering and otherwise destroying the sanctity of my home. But I couldn’t bear to get out of bed. Why is it that when you have to get up, the bed is at its most comfortable? I’m sure there’s some physics law to explain it. So even though I knew I should get up, I couldn’t. And this is how my stream of consciousness went:

…want to sleep… could get coffee… steaming cup of coffee… steam… Adam’s steam room fantasy in He’s the One… steam room on Queer as Folk with Brian Kinney… same guys did the TV show Sisters, with those women always in the steam room… Sisters… what were their names? All boys’ names… Swoosie was Georgie… No, Georgie was the strong sister that everybody confided in… wonder whatever happened to that actress… So who was Swoosie? Freddie? Frankie? Or am I thinking of Frankie from Another World? Damn… Okay, think… Sela Ward was Teddy, the drunk designer who was divorced from the hot guy and later dated George Clooney’s character… Damn Sela Ward, who would ever believe she’s fifty. She looks amazing… someone should hold her down and make her eat donuts… Didn’t Tim say he bought donuts last night? mmmmm, donuts… Homer Simpson… Concentrate! Sela was Teddy… And Ashley Judd, who kind of looks like Sela, was Swoosie’s daughter… But what the hell was Swoosie’s name… And that mother of theirs. Did she ever smile? Sort of like Tyne Daley on Judging Amy… Tyne Daley was also grumpy on Cagney and Lacey with Sharon Gless, who was Debbie on Queer as Folk… Is that how this started? Queer as Folk? No, no… I’m trying to think of the sisters’ names! Focus! Sela was Teddy and whateverhernameis–wasn’t she a bitch on Thirtysomething? was Georgie… Okay, so Teddy’s ex married the youngest sister, who was Bruce Springsteen’s dumped wife… er, Jennilee? No, that’s Jenilee Harrison, Three’s Company’s replacement for Suzanne Somers… Actually, Jenilee Harrison sort of looks like Bruce’s dumped wife, whose name is… Julianne! Like Julianne Moore, who played twins on Another World, the show with a character named Frankie… No, wait. Crazy-assed Anne Heche played those twins. Julianne Moore played twins on As the World Turns. I can’t believe Tim’s watching As the World Turns. Why am I thinking about Julianne Moore? Oh, yeah. Springsteen’s ex, Julianne played… not Charlie. None of the sisters was named Charlie… There’s a fragrance that’s here to stay and they call it: CHARLIE!… Funny that Shelley Hack was the Charlie girl and ended up playing Kate Jackson’s replacement on Charlie’s Angels… I wonder where Shelley Hack is today… or for that matter, Bruce Springsteen’s first wife… whose name on the show was WHAT??? Was there a Frankie after all? Yeah, Julianne played Frankie… and wasn’t there a Charlie? Didn’t Frankie/Julianne leave the show… to go where, who knows, was she ever seen again? It would suck to be dumped by Bruce for another woman… Frankie left the show and an illegitimate daughter showed up… did she belong to the sour-faced mother or the dead father… maybe her name was Charlie… So recap… Strong sister played by ex-Thirtysomething was named Georgie… Freaking gorgeous Sela Ward played always-in-trouble sister Teddy… Workaholic Frankie was played by Bruce’s ex-Julianne… so what was the name of the ditzy sister that Swoosie Kurtz played?

The need to know that answer drove me from the bed before nine so I could google. What I learned: Swoosie played ALEX. Charlie-the-illegitimate-daughter-of-the-dead-father was spelled Charley. And television seems to dominate the waking thoughts of someone who says she doesn’t watch it.

It’s almost 1:30 now. Joe.My.Contractor. never came. I could have slept!

To console myself, I think I’ll go get a donut from Tim to go with my steaming coffee. I hope I don’t interrupt As the World Turns. I wonder if the Hughes twins are still on there…

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Tim’s still at the mercy of the public healthcare system. After the CT scan, his lung showed that it wasn’t inflated properly, so they can’t discharge him. I don’t know what happens next. He got more chest x-rays this morning. I’ll post when I know more.

I wish I had answers to all of your questions. Why would you trust me, anyway? I’m the one who incorrectly diagnosed pleurisy or bronchitis. There’s an article right here that probably explains it as concisely as anything I’ve found. If you’re staring at the monitor crying I want to know whyyyyy in a Sally Field voice (or maybe I’m the only one who does that), since I haven’t shot or stabbed him recently, he more likely falls into the category of tall, thin men between the ages of 20 and 40 who smoke. (Word to anyone who may not understand Tim: I know you’re motivated by love and concern, but it’s counterproductive to suggest that he stop smoking, so save your breath. He’s a big boy who can read the side of a cigarette pack.)

This part of an article on collapsed lungs amused me:

Try not to cough, sing, talk loudly, or laugh for several days. This causes increased pressure in your lungs and may result in another collapse during this healing period.

Tim never talks loudly, but he sings all the time. I’ll have to tell Rex not to make him laugh.

Since every day we’ve hoped he was coming home, I hadn’t taken much to him. Last night, I finally took fresh clothes so he could get himself cleaned up a little and change into something a little more conducive to lying around eavesdropping on the conversations of Roommate No. 2’s dozen visitors and waiting for the chickens to cluck (that’s an obscure allusion to Kate Christensen’s novel Jeremy Thrane). I also took him a portable DVD player, along with four-DVDs-for-twenty-bucks that I picked up at Blockbuster. Last night after Survivor (which we strained to hear over Roommate No. 1’s TV and Roommate No. 2’s extended family, forgetting that we had dual earbuds we could have plugged in to the TV), we watched Because I Said So, not brilliant, pretty mindless in fact, but harmless and mostly lacking medical disasters beyond laryngitis and a hyperactive child, so it fit the bill.

Also lacking medical disasters but hopefully not mindless are the Answers to Question No. 9 of Mark G. Harris’s 12 Questions for Writers.

Okay, this writer HAD to do it deliberately…

Remember Baby Jessica (born on my birthday in 1986) who fell into an abandoned well in Midland, Texas, when she was eighteen months old? Jessica’s married with a little boy of her own now, and I just read this article about her:

What Ever Happened to ‘Baby Jessica’?

For 2 1/2 days in 1987, the world watched and prayed for the little girl trapped in a well. By the time rescuers pulled the 18-month-old out of the ground, she was already a household name. Today, Jessica McClure is a new mother and patiently waiting for access to a $1 million trust fund set up by well-wishers.


Well-wishers. Giggle.

I could not be happier

I was awed and delighted by the news on my welcome screen this morning. Congratulations to Al Gore, who, along with the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change headed by Rajendra K. Pachauri of India, won the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize. Gore plans to donate one hundred percent of his proceeds from the award to the Alliance for Climate Protection.

Gore has been an outspoken advocate for our environment since the late 1970s, and I agree with his warning that the negative impact we’re having on our planet is a great threat to the peace of the future. This award makes sense to me. It’s also gratifying when the rest of the world recognizes the positive efforts and accomplishments of a U.S. citizen.

Have I mentioned before that Gore’s an Aries? =)