Tag: random

The first in a series of rambling posts, I’m sure

You wanted a blow-by-blow account of my trip to “my hometown,” didn’t you?

I should begin by saying I don’t have a hometown. We moved too much (Army), and any place that might have been home isn’t because I have no familial connections remaining (though I do shout out to Susan B, in case she’s reading, because she occasionally e-mails me news about our former classmates and friends, and she’s a sweetheart, and also to Nick, who needs to know that no, I will NOT vote for McCain).

In this little area nestled in north Alabama among the Appalachian foothills, I sort-of have three “hometowns.”

There’s the city within whose limits existed the rock house we lived in when we first moved here. The house is gone, and I’m pretty sure the motel I’m in was built on its former location. I’d give up my room (where Tom is still snoring and Aaron’s cell phone is alerting him of text messages while he sleeps) for the rock house still to exist.

Then we moved to the small town where I went to school with the same people for almost five years–a record!–and where Lynne and Riley and I met and became friends and got into ten million kinds of trouble (no regrets!). I haven’t driven there yet, but I will, to see certain houses and to visit the graves of Lynne’s parents. Now that Riley is dead, Lynne’s sister and brother-in-law are the only people here who are part of my “adopted” family.

Finally, there’s the town with one flashing light–Not even a stop light! Didn’t it used to be a stoplight?!?–where I finished high school. I drove through it this morning after a quick trip to the cemetery to make sure my father’s still there (he is). And yeah, the houses are smaller than I remember them, but the roads are also prettier than I ever appreciated–HILLS AND CURVES–and if you asked me for directions anywhere, I couldn’t give them, but I can drive by memory to every place I want to go.

Some things have changed and some things haven’t. I kept getting out and shooting pictures when suddenly I realized: You were only going to dash to the cemetery. You didn’t take a shower or brush your hair or put on makeup. HELLO!

It would be bad enough to see anyone I knew who could say, “Jesus, she’s as big as a house.” But I don’t have to make it easy for them to whip out their cell phones and say, “She didn’t have on makeup and SHE WASN’T WEARING A BRA.”

Fortunately, all the people I saw driving around were old, and since I’m only thirty-five, they probably don’t know me. Nonetheless, I rushed back here to the motel to clean up a little, and now I’m going to find a florist.

Don’t worry. I went to the hill with the flagpole where I used to prance in my Color Guard uniform and boss people around and took a photo. Thank goodness Lindsey loaned me her camera, right?

Hump Day Happy

There’s a Starbucks in my old town. I’m stunned.

What usually takes me eleven hours to drive took fourteen thanks to torrential rains, accidents (none involving us, thank goodness), and the slowest waiter east of the Mississippi. I think I’ve been urban too long and will have to readjust to the more relaxed pace of life in the Deep South. And also to being asked, “Sweet or unsweet?” when iced tea is ordered.

However, we are here safe and sound, though I’m not sure my nephew Aaron would agree. Apparently we froze him to death in the car. Fortunately, this did not prevent him from hours of texting with a certain lovely someone or watching two movies on the portable DVD player plugged into the cigarette lighter. Why didn’t we have all his technology when I was a teenager? (The movies, btw, were Monty Python and the Holy Grail and Little Miss Sunshine.)

You didn’t think I’d forget y’all, did you? I brought the book with me!

 

If you want something to be happy about, please comment with a page number between 1 and 611, and another number between 1 and 25, and I’ll report back to you after I get some sleep.

There’s no place like home.

Hump Day Happy

Here are some testimonials from people I totally made up never met before:

“I didn’t think much of my answer from the book, ‘tinted windows.’ But that very day when I got in my car, I realized I was looking through tinted windows–then the woman ahead of me paid my toll. This book is a miracle!” MV, New Jersey

“Getting ‘dog tricks’ gave me new incentive to train my Jack Russell terrier. It’s only been a month, and I can tell he’s considering sitting now. Progress!” FF, Georgia

“Uh, ‘butter steamed carrots’? WTF?” TR, Wisconsin

Okay, so they’re not ALL winners. But if you want something to be happy about, or at least something to say WTF? about, please comment with a page number between 1 and 611, and another number between 1 and 25, and we’ll see what happens.

 


Do it for Bambi.

Overheard in the workroom, part 2

My fingers are mutilated by needles and EZ hates me because I keep shrieking with the pain of it all. Meanwhile, upstairs I’ve heard that Jack is dead, Rose is old, Julia Roberts just rescued Richard Gere right back, and Tom Hanks is about to make friends with a volleyball named Wilson.

I could have been draped across the couch watching movies all day!

Frankly, my dear…

I’m going on record that Lipton Iced Tea To Go Peach does NOT have the deliciousness of Crystal Light On The Go Peach Tea. You’ve been warned.

Lately I’ve displayed a tendency to neglect stuff. As an Aries, I’m impulsive and can greatly enjoy being spontaneous, but in my daily life, I’m a creature of habit. I work best when I follow a routine. Probably anyone who works in a home office will tell you that it requires a lot of self-imposed discipline, and I’m usually good about that. Lately: not so much. I’ve got this litany in my head running on a loop: get to bed earlier, go to the gym, do something about those five months of untouched bank statements, pay bills, go to the grocery store, cook, finish reading that manuscript, do the outline for that novel, start moving on a TJB project, get caught up on local politics, do something about The Compound grounds…there are more, but you’ve already skipped to the next paragraph.

I can’t blame the usual suspects for my lethargy. I still don’t watch TV (six hours weekly hardly put me in anybody’s target audience when one of them is the soap I watch during dinner and the other is Project Runway). I’m not reading blogs all day. I am reading a ton of books, but I always do. I don’t have a madly active social life. I’m not on the phone. The only unusual thing I’m doing is designing a Barbie outfit for a few hours a week for LJ Runway Monday.

So what is the reason for all these idle hours? Possibilities: The heat. The fact that there’s so much unfinished or undone that it’s daunting. Mourning. The missing camera. The inevitable reaction to a year of pressing demands and responsibilities that are no longer there. But mostly, I just don’t give a damn.

That’s so unlike me.

Hump Day Happy

I’m happy because my cable (and therefore, my Internet connection) is back after many hours of being down for “maintenance.” Then again, who wouldn’t be happy with her very own Raggedy Chan Doll? Thanks, camillemulan!

If you, too, want something to be happy about, give me a page number between 1 and 611, and another number between 1 and 25 in comments, and I’ll tell you what the book says.