Comments are appreciated and answered.
Today I’ve begun working on a pivotal chapter, so when I called on muses, I needed heavyweights. These three, to be exact.
I made her a new dress to celebrate two special birthdays. The first is Lindsey’s. Happy birthday, Lindsey! Hope to celebrate with you soon.
Today is also the birthday of the late, great Edward Van Halen. To celebrate his life and honor his memory, this girl’s holding a replica of the custom-designed Fender Stratocaster that King Edward named Frankenstrat.
…I’d go to the free Paul McCartney: The Lyrics exhibition in London at the entrance hall to the British Library on Euston Road. It’ll be there until March 13 and features photographs, archive material including handwritten lyrics, and previously unpublished comments from Sir Paul about the songwriting process. The exhibit spans his career from 1956 to the present.
I am not in England, or London, or the British Library. I am in Houston, as I was on December 4, Dennis Wilson’s birthday, when Tom and I went to Brazos Bookstore for a few gift ideas. It was there I sent him an apologetic look and said, “I don’t know what you’ve gotten me yet, and I know this is pricey, but I think I must have it.” He had already bought some gifts (at least one of which Debby later generously paid for and took from him to give me), and what I wanted was indeed pricey (but certainly nowhere near the amount many, many times it that the autographed copy sold for in their store, so there’s that).
I’ve barely begun to explore it yet, because I’m going to savor it for a long time, delving into it, and feeling grateful that I’ve been alive in the world at the same time as the Beatles and Wings and Paul McCartney. I’ll try not to write too much when I share the following photos, but I’m so grateful for this muse, this artist, this man, this musician, who is a constant source of inspiration and to whom one of my own characters frequently pays homage.
I am not so far away in time, after all, from the little girl who once put a ball under her shirt, embraced the bulge with her hands, and announced to the world she was having Paul McCartney’s baby.
Only yesterday, I wrote a scene in which my musician plays “Maybe I’m Amazed” on piano for the woman he loves. It was so unexpected that this was the song, among so many, that made me start crying when I saw Paul McCartney perform in 2019. It’s just… everything it should be, in his writing, his history, and in the things I imagine.
My first husband (SDG) gave me this little dog, who I named “First,” on the first anniversary of our “going steady” in high school. Often when we’d drive between Tuscaloosa and our hometown when we were in college, First would ride along, and when we listened to the 8-track of Band on the Run in SDG’s little orange Volkswagen, every time “Let Me Roll It” played, I’d pick up First and make him play air guitar. I don’t know if SDG laughed because of First or because I laughed so hard at First when I made him play, but this is a memory that never fails to make me happy. Some things are right for their time, and then we change and go somewhere else in our lives. That doesn’t take a single thing away from what we cherished.
I suppose that’s also one lesson of the Beatles.
Riley, I never forget that you left on January 16 in 2008. I thank you again for all the times you played and sang Paul McCartney songs for me on your guitar and piano, even though you reminded me that John was your Beatle and George was mine, and could I just please request them now and then? I didn’t have to. You always knew who I needed to hear from among them, as well as when my spirit required Bob Dylan or any of the other music that lit up my world. I will love you and miss you forever, my friend.
The Muse Tarot, published in 2020, is a new-to-me deck. If you read here, you know the concepts of the Muse, and muses, are important to me as a writer and a creative person in general. I won’t belabor this; it’s my own system that works for me around inspiration, imagination, and action. It might have nothing to do with traditional stories of muses or anyone else’s perception of what a Muse or muses are.
Some of the struggles I experienced with writing in 2021 were on my mind when I left the Hall to pick up a box of nag champa incense to replenish my supply. And I knew, I just knew, I needed to go to Body Mind and Soul to do it. When I went inside, my first goal had me picking up their lone box of my brand of incense, which felt fortuitous.
As I walked toward the cash wrap, I spotted a display of kyanite, a favorite stone, and among many, I picked up the one pictured under my incense holder/burner in the photo. I knew it was supposed to come home with me. Kyanite has a high vibration, making it an amplifier of only the positive, and it corresponds to the throat chakra, which has to do with communication and using one’s voice. Writing is my voice, so kyanite is a good helper. Kyanite also helps with sleep and dreams, so at night, it now rests with several other stones on the table next to the bed.
Then I glanced toward the shelves with all the various decks of cards, including their tarot decks, and there it sat: The Muse Tarot. There may have been two there, I don’t remember, but all I had to see was “Muse” to know I was getting the deck. Thank you, Christmas cash and gift card givers. =) Also, the staffer who checked me out was a highpoint of the visit; when he struck the three-toned chime as part of the ritual of clearing the shopping bag with my purchases before handing it to me, his eyes and mine widened with surprised delight at the tones we heard.
The Muse deck is a little different from more standard decks. For one thing, in the suits, there are no Kings. Those have been replaced by Muse cards as the highest card of the suit. Also, in place of Pentacles are Materials, and in the other suits, Wands have become Inspiration, Cups have become Emotions, and Swords are Voices.
The author/artist does not provide the traditional Tarot spreads in the guide, assuming a user will know those or can easily find them. I rarely lay out any of the more detailed spreads; again, I use a system that seems better suited for what I want to contemplate with the cards’ help. I shuffled the deck and pulled three cards face down. Before seeing them, I had a specific question for each card (no need to blare my questions to the Internet).
The Major Arcana card the Magician was there for my first question. Briefly: She’s a reminder to bring one’s desires into form, in a way that creates something healing for others and is rooted in love. The guide also explains some of the other symbolic significance of the art on the card.
For my second question, I pulled the Knight of Materials. The Knight is the third highest in the suite, indicating I may be far along on this particular question. The keywords attributed to the card include productivity and diligence paying off, determination, and planting and tending seeds for the future.
Even without reading about the card, pulling the Muse of Materials for my last question was visually a resounding answer to the either/or question I asked. The Muse sends a message about manifesting and abundance. Please note that for both of these cards for which I drew Materials, I wasn’t asking questions about money or worldly success but about something more intangible. So while keywords include prosperity and wealth, more relevant to my question are the keywords gratitude, health, comfort, and happiness.
I see the Muse Tarot as being a great deck for creative people or for anyone needing guidance about any journey or choice, really, whether related to vocation, spirituality, or relationships.
A few days back, when I went to get my book on dreams for Photo Friday, I realized how disorganized that bookcase was. The books range from philosophy to religion, anatomy, various body and energy work modalities, aromatherapy, feng shui and space clearing, animal totems and guides, crystals and stones, astrology, and several Tarot decks and books, as well as other decks like oracle and relaxation cards, and a set of rune stones with their book. It’s eclectic and reflects many of my interests and activities through the decades.
I took some time to put everything in better order and to shift some of the Tarot decks between the boxes where they’re stored. I decided to take this lovely deck that I’ve had since 1990, The Enchanted Tarot, and put it in my Dennis Box, wrapped in a different fabric.
The Dennis Box is one I painted around 1990, the same year I got the deck. This is why it has that name: the inside of the top of the box. It offers a bit of Muse magic.
Here’s the inside of the box, and the back of the cards, though they are kept wrapped in a piece of black silk, the edges hemmed with gold thread, that was donated to me by Lynne in the early ’90s from a favorite old shirt of hers.
Here’s a partial look at the top of the box with a card I pulled this evening in a one-card reading looking for specific guidance on a specific question I was thinking about.
This was an extremely helpful card for this reading, a major arcana card chosen at random from a full, face-down deck after I shuffled it.
The Enchanted Tarot is described by its creators as a story of hope and faith born of the truth of the human spirit eternally seeking to know itself and its power. It’s meant to help the reader or questioner gain insight into the workings of the world and how to best harmonize with it [one’s] activities of both a spiritual and physical kind.
Each card in the deck has a description in the book broken into The Dream, The Awakening, and The Enchantment. For The Enchantment, I followed very specific instructions at the end of the reading using the following items:
The card, with items representing the four elements: a white candle, a cup of water, a crystal (I chose amethyst), and a knife (a beautiful old knife that belonged to my father) were placed on a red cloth, and I used a stick of incense to complete the enchantment. This has nothing to do with trying to control the future (it is not spell-casting, for example, which I have never done and will never do) or even to predict the future. It’s a means to feel confident in the card’s description and the path forward I want to set.
As a creative person putting a lot of energy into what I’m working on, I can always use more confidence. This was a quiet, reflective time well spent.
I’ll be distracted from the blog this month, as I was last October. In 2020, I spent the month working on a short story for a possible anthology. That anthology didn’t materialize, but I’m glad I wrote the story. It was a chance to try out a new genre, which engaged my creative energy, and it was also cathartic. I shed a lot of tears writing it. I may revise it and make it available as a 99-cent e-story at some point. Or maybe I’ll see if there are any calls for submission with guidelines it meets for other collections.
I also had something that brought me great amusement last October, when Tom found me a plastic skeleton. His name is Lord Cuttlebone, and I let him take over my Instagram account once a day that month in various settings and situations at Houndstooth Hall. Since I featured my Muse here on the blog in September, which was an emotional roller coaster, I decided to let Cuttlebone out of the closet, and again feature him in daily Instagram posts this Halloween month to make me (and hopefully others) laugh.
Today I went looking for a photo prop at my favorite antique mall while I was running errands. I didn’t find what I wanted, but I did make one good find: an album to replace this one I lost in Harvey.
Brian Wilson’s self-titled solo album, released in 1988 (11 years after brother Dennis released his)
I’m not a music critic and even if I were, I’d be like many who discuss Brian’s work with unapologetic bias. I remain intrigued by the history of the band and its members; there’s so much story there, and its reality hits every note.
What’s particularly interesting about this album is that I have a press kit put out by Sire Records to promote its release. Because current day is three decades later, and so many things that went down during the Eighties are better-known now, it fascinates me to see how information was spun for the album’s release.
This was the period when Brian’s therapist (Eugene Landy) had been re-hired and was over-managing his life, had insinuated himself into his music, and became executive producer of this album. Many articles and nonfiction books cover all this. Landy was ultimately fired and sued. His license to practice was revoked in California, but he could still practice in other states. A restraining order kept him permanently away from Brian.
A version of this story is shown in the film Love and Mercy, though one never knows, just like with this upbeat, optimistic press packet, how accurate it is.
It’s more gratifying to write outright fiction; however, I think Landy had a lot more control over Brian than I have over my musician. Right now, he’s angry in his chapter and needs me to write him into a happier place.
Skeletons and artists can be very demanding.
Photos from the Brian Wilson press kit for journalists and reviewers to use.
Everything that I am or will ever be is in the music. If you want to know me, just listen.
©Ed Roach
This is Ed Roach’s daughter Brianne with Dennis. Through all the years, this photo stands firm as my favorite one because this IS Dennis. He loved. He loved without reservation. Whatever he did in his life, whatever his wildness, failings, limitations, madness, or mistakes, he had a purity and tenderness of heart that never went away.
As he said, if you want to know him, it’s in the music.
If you have stayed with me to the end of this month, thank you. This was a labor of love that became quite challenging. I’ve had to emotionally travel through my life to find photos and memories that are deeply meaningful to me and which I’ve always kept private from everyone but very close friends.
No one should ever underestimate the patience, love, and wisdom of Tom. He doesn’t “tolerate” the feelings and fascination connected to my Muse. He understands and has, through the years, shown his support in many ways. Most recently, I found a framed set of favorite Dennis photos in a bin, and he said, “Why are these in there? They should be on the wall.” Where he hung them and they remain today.
The end of the 30 Day Idol Challenge.
Rather than going through thousands of photos trying to find one in which I can discern whether Dennis is with band members, road/stage crew, or friends, here’s a picture of him from 1969 with Ed Roach. Ed and his wife had just landed at LAX and were about to embark upon a friendship and professional relationship that would still be going strong at the end of Dennis’s life in 1983. I think Ed continues to cherish and celebrate that friendship now.
September 29 — With friends ©Ed Roach
Many of the photos and stories that mean everything to me are thanks to Ed Roach, and his connections to Dennis’s friends, children and their families, colleagues, and places they shared remain strong. I couldn’t have done this month’s posts without him as the most valuable resource imaginable, and I hope to meet him one day.
I also hope my fictional musician has a friend as loyal.
(Spoiler: He does.)
Little bracelets.
Limits remain for what I want to revisit on the topic of Dennis Wilson. There are interviews online behind paywalls. I still own magazines with interviews. I’ve got lots of books with quotes or partial/full interviews. Considering the (just over) twenty years of his work as a Beach Boy and a solo artist, Dennis really didn’t give a lot of interviews. From my perspective: He didn’t talk about music, he made it. He didn’t talk about relationships, he had them. He didn’t pontificate about life, he lived it. Everything we need to hear from Dennis is in what he wrote, either lyrically or instrumentally: fun, energy, celebration, sex, soul, passion, tenderness, rowdiness, and love.
The times he came alive the most in interviews were when he talked about his brothers. When I read those, I’m reminded of a hot Houston night when I had the chance to meet and talk to Carl Wilson. At that time, it had been less than a decade since Dennis’s death; my own losses had taught me how raw grief can remain years later. Despite how huge a place Dennis had, still has, in my thoughts (he is my Muse, after all), instead, I asked about Brian, and Carl lit up. He smiled, he was infused with new energy, and he spoke freely and glowingly about his oldest brother. It was moving both because of Carl and because of how it reminded me of Dennis’s love for Brian.
Dennis and Carl are both gone now, but I believe that for Brian, they’re never gone. And the music… always the music. Here’s where I find a favorite “interview.”
September 28 — Favorite interview: My Love Lives On ©Dennis Wilson
ETA: I’ve returned to add a link to this 2008 article, because it has a lot of insight from people who knew and worked with Dennis as well as many quotes from Dennis himself.
I’m in an extremely pensive mood currently; let’s just skip to the post.
Pictures from Pacific Ocean Blue, later used also for the release that included remastered and completed tracks from the unfinished Bambu album, are variously attributed to Dean Torrance and Ed Roach. I believe both men were at those sessions; I’m not sure who took what. This is the photo shoot that comes to mind as having some of my favorite photos of Dennis.
September 27 — Favorite photo shoot
Much of Dennis’s work was recorded and produced at/by Caribou Ranch, and that’s his Caribou Ranch sweater he’s wearing in the photos.
It actually does not. With The Arthritis in the ring and pinky fingers of both hands, I can’t shoot a good bird anymore. Broken wings. In Texas, maybe in other places, it’s for the best. Keep flipping people off, and sooner or later, you’ll get a return salute from their gun.
Haven’t we all been one of the people in this photo? Brian: Shocked. Dennis: Over Mike. Mike: Smugly oblivious.
September 26 — Showing middle finger. ©still looking for copyright attribution