Button Sunday


Whatever role you took as a nurturer, or whoever nurtured you…
Whatever path got you to the ones who needed you, or who were there when you needed them…
I celebrate you and your shared bond.

Last Thanksgiving, my mother-in-law sent us all a coloring page she created and titled “Fruit Salad.” She knows I enjoy coloring the drawings she shares, so I colored this one to celebrate her on Mother’s Day.

J’aime la France


Oh, a hundred years ago, or thirty-something, I created a character and made him French. I think because I wanted to use the surname of my college French teacher who’d taught me a few years before. Her class was when I got those two books. (There’s a third book, but I must have stuck it somewhere else.)

This is my experience with other languages.

I had six weeks of German in tenth grade before I was moved to another school, where German wasn’t taught. It didn’t matter. I was born in Germany, but my only real interest in taking the class was because Lynne and other friends did, and I wanted to take classes with my friends. Didn’t we all?

I’m not sure which year of high school, junior or senior, I took at least one semester of Spanish. It was, as I recall, the only option for a foreign language in that school. In hindsight, learning Spanish would have been a great choice, and I did very much like the teacher, but here’s my problem with language classes. I was never one of the students who volunteered answers in ANY class. I never asked questions. I couldn’t stand to draw attention to myself. Giving any kind of oral report (even book reports, though I always read and loved reading) or reading anything out loud: absolute torture for me. Being called on for an answer? I usually pretended I didn’t know so the focus would quickly shift elsewhere.

So speaking aloud in a class using a language I was trying to learn? You might as well have escorted me to the guillotine.

ETA: Look! When I went to return the other two books to my reference shelves, I found this very thin volume (24 pages, which means a mere 12 pieces of paper) tucked among some other books. I took pronunciation seriously! Now, I can hear native French speakers teach me pronunciations online. Students these days have no idea…

Over the years, I’ve taught junior high and college students. I’ve read out loud to students. I’ve presented work-related seminars in several companies where I was employed. I’ve given talks at retreats, moderated discussions among small groups of people on various topics, and led guided meditations. I’ve spoken at book signings where my novels were being sold. I’ve done all that, but inside, I’m still the girl who didn’t want all eyes on her. And I STILL will almost never speak any of the phrases/words I know in any foreign language because I’m so uncomfortable about possibly bungling pronunciations.

And yet I love the country and the language. I don’t know a lot of French history, but I’ve done research on specific topics because… I still have that same character taking up real estate in my brain, and he, and France as a setting, play larger roles than they once did in his initial appearance in my fictitious world.

I have friends who speak French. Friends who love France. One acquaintance who is French, French-born, probably living in France again. I know when the time comes, there are people who can beta check what I’ve written, and who can make sure the online translator I’ve used when my characters (infrequently) speak French has done right by me.

Something that amuses me: I borrowed my character’s first name from a novel set in France that I read decades ago. (I liked him so much that I’d have fallen in love with him, too, just as the female character did, yet my character who bears the name isn’t a romantic lead in my series.) People I know who are familiar with the Spanish version of his name have questioned me, but I’m correctly using the French spelling. His name is the only thing I borrowed from that novel.

In addition, for the past few years, I’ve read a mystery series set in France, and I’ve tried very hard to use NOTHING from those books. (I recently realized that although I’ve bought and downloaded them, I’m two novels and one short-story-collection behind in this series. I need to spend more time reading.) I’ve met the author at book-signings and seen his online discussions of book releases during lockdown, and somewhere along the way, I was lucky enough to glean one bit of true information from him on international relations that vastly helped my plot. But other than that, my France and my French characters are all mine (with help from Google and Wikipedia), and all inaccuracies or unlikelihoods rest squarely on my shoulders (let the researcher beware…).

Though my writing brain right now is firmly in the U.S. because of the section I’m laboring over in the Neverending Saga, France is never far… And I’ve already chosen my next coloring page when the right character returns to getting page time.


Vive la République!

Mindful Monday


Learn, from my One Word Art series, December 2005

ETA: For all its complications, I can’t regret the easy access the Internet offers. My fictitious pianist is diverting himself by playing the twenty-four etudes of Chopin’s Op. 28, and thanks to YouTube, I can listen to someone perform those as I write. So can you, if you’d like to be still and relax for about forty-two minutes. You can hear what he hears.

Joy and sadness can coexist

Every day has its celebrations. A very happy birthday to Rhonda today! I hope we’ll schedule a birthday brunch or craft night soon to give you the attention you deserve from Houndstooth Hall. Also: cake.

Additionally, today is Star Wars Day, and wee Yoda joins me to say May the Fourth be with you!

 

 
Every day also has its losses. Our friend Jeff, who remains a significant part of our memories, died on this day in 1995.

As I always do on this date, I remember those students who were killed or injured at Kent State University on May 4, 1970.

Dead:
Jeffrey Glenn Miller; age 20
Allison B. Krause; age 19
William Knox Schroeder; age 19
Sandra Lee Scheuer; age 20

Wounded:
Joseph Lewis, Jr.
John R. Cleary
Thomas Mark Grace
Alan Michael Canfora
Dean R. Kahler
Douglas Alan Wrentmore
James Dennis Russell
Robert Follis Stamps
Donald Scott MacKenzie

Revisiting a teller of stories

When we were flooded in 2017, I lost a lot of material I’d saved from my college years, including paperwork for courses, class notes, and references I’d continued to use for many years. I decided to look at it as nature’s way of making me purge things that became less relevant as the years went by.


I think I had this particular book for a college correspondence or short-term course I took during the interim between spring and summer semesters of one of my last two years as an undergraduate, but I have no clear memory about that. Mostly I don’t remember sitting in class and hearing anyone teach the course. I suppose it’s not really relevant. In some of my other classes, I often struggled when reading a couple of Southern novelists, so I probably sought a broader sense of the literature of my region from shorter works or excerpts, and this book covered (at the time of this edition) Southern lit from 1815 to around 1968. Though I remember my favorite story from this book, I can’t really remember what other works were part of the class or what papers I wrote about them.

After graduating from college and before I went back to graduate school a few years later, I read voraciously, trying to fill in gaps in my studies. I believe that might have been the reason I bought this beat-up paperback from a used bookstore for fifty cents. Had I read short stories by Welty in survey classes like the Southern lit class? Or did I just know she was highly recommended? I don’t remember. I did read it, and it didn’t really resonate with my reading interests of that time. In hindsight, I realize I undervalued it.


In time, I did respect people who read a lot of Welty and talked about her work to me, and when this 1988 limited edition came into the Houston bookstore where I worked several years later, and I spotted it on the shelf, I immediately purchased it.

It’s an oversized volume tucked into a sturdy cover; here’s the title page.

More to the point, in the back you can see why it’s a real jewel: It’s limited edition, numbered, and signed by Eudora Welty and the book’s illustrator.


Then, in 1993, Geoff, a fellow Southerner who I knew through our mutual friend Steve R, gave me this for my birthday. So I had Eudora Welty material, but I still hadn’t read most of it.

In copies of papers given to me by one of my mother’s nephews relating to his father (a writer, and one of the first who told me I could be a writer), there were a couple of copies of letters my uncle wrote to my mother. In a way that I understand all too well, he specifically mentioned Welty’s novel Losing Battles as a work that made him despair of ever being as good a writer. This so piqued my interest that I downloaded the book (this was last December), and I finally got around to reading it in April. Very long, lots of characters, and lots of stories within the narrative framework of a novel. It wasn’t an easy or fast read, but it kept me engaged.


When I mentioned the book to a friend, she decided to read her first Welty, and she chose Delta Wedding. I downloaded it, too. Also long, but not quite as long, also full of stories within the novel’s framework, and not as challenging for me to read because I’d started adjusting to this particular style of Welty’s. And as I told my friend, and also my cousin, one joy of reading Welty now is realizing that though I am by no means comparing myself to this highly acclaimed writer, I better understand my particular style that emerged in the process of working on the Neverending Saga. I was able to take some validation from the idea that I’m being true to myself and also honoring the way many Southerners have adapted the South’s oral traditions to their writing.

All that being said, I then reread The Optimist’s Daughter, had a whole new perspective and appreciation of it, and was reminded once more why I decided to take on my current works in progress in 2019. I’ve changed so much since I first began writing these characters as a teenager, then as a young woman, then as I neared middle age. This time around, I wanted to address topics which I’d simply ignored in the past because I felt inadequate to write about them; to use narrative skills I’d grown more comfortable with from 1998 on; to recognize how age had changed what I found interesting or romantic or sexy or culturally relevant; and to write in a voice that’s more true to who I am.

We’re never too old to learn and appreciate new things about art, culture, ourselves, and our creativity.

To end on a lighter note, I saw this online and thought, “Yep. That’s Tom and me.”

Button Sunday

Heed the crow, friends.

Today is Great Poetry Reading Day, and you can learn more about it at that link. As for me, as soon as I realized this, I went right to the Houndstooth library and took out this book. I don’t know why I thought to check, because I rarely do this anymore, but I looked inside the front page and I had, indeed, written my name and the date I got the book, which in this case was 1997. I wonder what prompted me to purchase it that year, whether I had a hunger to read more poetry or I was in a bookstore, saw it, and decided, I need that!

I paged through the book randomly, reading poems, and came to a section with work by the American poet Robinson Jeffers, who I’ve always read with pleasure. Full disclosure: In 1995, I bought the book Safe As Houses by Alex Jeffers and wondered if he was related to Robinson Jeffers, but these were the days before I had the entire world of information at my fingertips. I reminded myself that just because two people share a last name… Lucky for me, one of my literary icons, Edmund White, had blurbed the novel on the back cover, and he shared that Alex is Robinson Jeffers’s grandson. Curiosity satisfied. Since I’m off-track already, I want to reiterate that it’s among the highlights of my writing and editing career that I queried Alex about submitting a story to Timothy and me for Best Gay Romance 2014, and I was delighted with his submission, “Shep: A Dog,” and really excited to include it in the anthology. If you have interest in reading an excerpt, I provided one at this old post.

Today, I relished Robinson Jeffers’s poem “Love the Wild Swan,” because I really hungered for more of the validation I got last week that yes, I am a writer, and no, I’m not on the wrong path, I’m on my own path, a path where I can and do love the wild swan.

I even crafted a bit today to showcase Jeffers’s poem in between periods of writing, all while listening to music. If you can’t read the words on the photo below, I’ll add the poem at the end of this post. The swan outline came from ColoringAll.com, and I bought that floral paper (to the right) the swan is on at the bookstore where I was an assistant manager in the late 1980s/early 1990s. I met so many good people there, one of whom, of course, was another of our assistant managers, Steve R.

I didn’t forget for a minute that today is Steve’s birthday, and as I do every year, I whipped up something chocolate in his honor (we’ll be adding a dollop of ice cream to those brownies). We love you always, Steve.

Love the Wild Swan

“I hate my verses, every line, every word.
Oh pale and brittle pencils ever to try
One grass-blade’s curve, or the throat of one bird
That clings to twig, ruffled against white sky.
Oh cracked and twilight mirrors ever to catch
One color, one glinting flash, of the splendor of things.
Unlucky hunter, Oh bullets of wax,
The lion beauty, the wild-swan wings, the storm of the wings.”
–This wild swan of a world is no hunter’s game.
Better bullets than yours would miss the white breast,
Better mirrors than yours would crack in the flame.
Does it matter whether you hate your. . . self? At least
Love your eyes that can see, your mind that can
Hear the music, the thunder of the wings. Love the wild swan.

Robinson Jeffers, 1935

Thank you, Taylor, for today’s creativity soundtrack. Your lyrics mean a lot to me and to some of my characters.

Fun fact: In An Aries Knows history, I launched Button Sundays on September 17, 2006.

Photo Friday, No. 906

Current Photo Friday theme: Mother


Dorothy Jean, March 2007

Her 81st was her last healthy birthday. Tom and I took her out for dinner (she chose Red Lobster), and she ordered a decadent chocolate dessert to celebrate. When the waiter, Bryce, couldn’t find a candle, he lit his Bic while we sang happy birthday so she’d have something to blow out when she made her wish. She was ready to make him an honorary grandson. Photos like this one keep me grateful for cameras.

Fun fact: I did my first Photo Friday post on An Aries Knows on July 14, 2006.

Just breathe (a letter to note April 25)

Lightness and darkness. Lightness and heaviness. Sometimes, I feel heaviness settle. I try to find ways to sit with it, consider it, and then let it go.

I sat outside and blew bubbles for you. Bubbles are nearly weightless. They float on air. They catch and reflect light. Their beauty is fragile and fleeting. Each bubble carries a bit of our breath with it, but the air and our bodies are quick to replenish our lungs. Inhale. Exhale.

When the heaviness and darkness come, I try to remember the lightness of you and our time together.


I tore out another reverse coloring page. I took circles from Kendra Norton’s book, and then I outlined them and as artist Andrea Nelson suggests, “rounded off the corners.”

The original from the book.
I added a few strips of “light” here and there and a label from one of the bottles. The “bubbles” in the drawing are all of us, imperfect and interconnected. We bump into and absorb one another.

I remember to breathe.