Legacy Writing 365:163

I’ve shared this photo on my blog before in a post about my mother, but for me, at least, it’s a rare glimpse of my brother’s kids and grandkids with him. I’m not sure how many photos may exist of any other gatherings, and I was never present for one, since everyone lives in different places.


My mother, Steven, Alex, Dave, and Aaron in front; Daniel and David in back.

Daniel’s youngest son Steven is the one who was born on September 11, 2001. Steven’s brother Dave spent that day with Mother while his parents were at the hospital. We talked hours on the phone in several different calls, grateful for the family we could celebrate in light of the national events that devastated us. My sister had two grandchildren born the same year–in August and December. Less profound but still something to celebrate: I helped give birth to the first Timothy James Beck novel that October. Such a surreal year.

Though David is not Alex’s father–Alex and Aaron have the same mother–he’s part of the family, just as Lisa is. Losing Aaron has made me feel those bonds more strongly than ever.

Legacy Writing 365:162

My nephew Daniel recently shared with the Internet his green hair-Mudhoney T-shirt phase, and I realized I have a super blurry photo of him during that time–he brought his family through Houston on his way to or from Salt Lake City. So here’s the first grandchild and the first great-grandchild of my parents, circa summer of ’93:

A second shot of Dave from the visit to show he wasn't just a Baby Blur.

The next time they came through Houston, we’d moved to The Compound. I believe it was Thanksgiving of ’95. Daniel was now sporting a fluf T-shirt and his hair looks brown.

Meanwhile, Mr. Terrible Two was drinking out of a purple dinosaur, but not THAT purple dinosaur, as Daniel said Barney was the devil. May have had something to do with the theme song.
They came through again in 2002. Daniel is back to his natural blond self. And Margot is being very blonde as well.

Of course I have lots more photos of them through the years, but those are the Houston ones. Here are some others I like.


Daniel and Dave in Alabama in ’93 with Dave’s mother and my mother.


Dave and Daniel in Alabama in 2008 after my mother’s memorial service.


Dave and Daniel in Alabama after Daniel’s maternal grandmother’s memorial service in 2011.

Sometimes we gather for sad occasions, and we have known tragedy, but those hard days are few compared to the years these two Cochranes and their brothers and cousins have brought such great joy to our family. They’ve taught me so much.

Legacy Writing 365:161


Oh give me land, lots of land under starry skies above, don’t fence me in…

When I was little, I loved watching Roy Rogers, Dale Evans, and Trigger. It’s funny that at some point in my life I realized how many of the shows and movies I thought were new were taped or filmed long before I was born. They were new to me, and that was what mattered.

I’m feeling a little under the weather, so I’ll leave you with Trigger doing a trick or two and Roy singing one of my favorite songs in the video below. We Rams do like to wander far and wide, though we always know where home is. I’m sending this with late birthday wishes to two other independent spirits: our niece Emily and great-nephew Dave.

Legacy Writing 365:160

Warning: This post contains gross stuff.


This is the second Houston apartment complex where Tom and I lived after we were able to pay off our tax debt and become renters again. The floor plan wasn’t really that different from the first place, except we didn’t have a fireplace. We added our little dachshund Stevie to our family while we were living there, and she promptly developed a taste for carpet. Nothing would deter her–pepper water or bitter apple sprayed on the place she wanted to chew–she just thought that added a bit of seasoning. Needless to say, when we moved out, we didn’t get all of our deposit back.

While we lived there, I spent more hours at work than at home because things went a little crazy at the bookstore (the life of a retail manager can be a challenging one). Also, I couldn’t bear to have anyone over to this apartment because it had ROACHES. We did everything we could to try to get rid of them, but of course, unless the entire property is thoroughly treated, they just move around and come back when the poison wears off. A friend from Alabama who’d moved to Galveston came to see me once, and I think she thought I was being cool to her, but really I was just terrified the entire time she was visiting that Pete would bite her child or an army of roaches would march through the room. If you ever saw the MTV short “Joe’s Apartment,” that was my fear. And in fact, once when Tom’s parents and two of his siblings came to spend a few days with us, a roach fell from the ceiling onto my father-in-law’s plate of food at dinner one night.

So proud.

This gravel road was behind the complex.

The fence didn’t used to be there. I would never walk the dogs down that road because there was a kind of scary family who kept a huge Doberman on a chain, and the dog barked all the time. Chaining a dog is one of the things I abhor most in the world–and so is training a dog to be vicious so that he has to be left outside and chained. This was also the House of Guinea Hens, and those bitches were as vicious as the dog–but they weren’t chained. I’ve often shared the story of the time the “gang of marauding guinea hens” chased me across the parking lot when I was trying to get from my car to my apartment door. Straight out of Hitchcock. NOT FUNNY, COUSIN RON. But I put a menacing flock of them in A Coventry Wedding just for him.

Needless to say, we bolted from that place as soon as our lease was up.

Legacy Writing 365:159

Before I reached thirty-five years of age (the first and only real time I celebrated that birthday), I’d endured seeing:

  • Melanie Hamilton Wilkes suffer a grueling childbirth and outrun the Yankees only to fade to paleness between two long braids before she breathed her last off-camera;
  • Juliet Capulet take a dagger;
  • Jenny Cavilleri Barrett flare her nostrils one last time before giving up on Bach, the Beatles, and breathing;
  • Mary Rose Foster self-destruct with drugs;
  • Aurora Greenway make sure daughter Emma was allowed to say goodbye without pain;
  • Miss Daisy Werthan get driven somewhere for the last time;
  • Ruth Jamison eat fried green tomatoes before she kicked it;
  • Shelby Eatenton Latcherie drink her last glass of juice.

I think you get the picture. The BIG picture. On the big screen. A crazed excess of female death. If her own death was defied, our fairer sex might end up on the side of a road spit-wiping blood from her dead lover’s face.

Liz messing with a cookie press while making cheese straws. Dig that 1970s wallpaper.

Whenever Lynne, her sister Liz, and Liz’s BFF Brigid would get together, they’d always bring up Beaches.

“No, thanks,” I’d always say.

“But we have to seeeee it–”

“I read the book,” I’d counter.

“Pleeeeease.”

“Leave me out of your estrogen-saturated sob fest,” I’d insist.

Brigid looking all innocent with a teddy bear.

But the time came when Lynne and I went to visit them in Dallas. I was plied with a spaghetti dinner. I was promised Yahtzee. I was given a box of Kleenex and no choice, because Lynne had the car keys since it was her car. And I was forced to watch Beaches.

Should this account have a happy ending, with the four of us wiping tears from our eyes and vowing eternal friendship? Yeah, yeah, I cried, whatever. Then I annihilated them at Yahtzee.

Movies referenced above: Gone With The Wind, Romeo and Juliet, (the 1968 version), Love Story, The Rose, Terms of Endearment, Driving Miss Daisy, Fried Green Tomatoes, Steel Magnolias, and the 1976 version of A Star is Born.

Legacy Writing 365:158

Today, June 6, is the anniversary of that day in 1944 when the man who would become my father was among 160,000 Allied troops who landed on the beaches of Normandy in France to fight Nazi Germany. I thank him and all those others for their courage and their sacrifices. I will always be proud of him and grateful that he came home to create the life that made me.

I don’t know when or where the above photo was taken, but that’s my father in the tank. I’ve mentioned before how I often go to a Flickr photo group to look at thousands of photos of the Normandy invasion. Tonight I found this one, of a private from Kentucky (possibly a translator) with a group of German prisoners. Sometimes a picture is worth way more than a thousand words.


Photo credit here.

Legacy Writing 365:157

My parents had a lot of fun together, especially when they got us grown up and out of their hair and started traveling unencumbered. I have many photos of trips they took in their camper or in Aunt Arliss’s and Uncle Roy’s RV. Here’s one from a stop in Utah.

My mother probably never dreamed that one day as a widow she’d travel to Utah again with Cousin Elenore–much less LIVE in Utah (THREE different times, but let me not get started on her nomadic lifestyle). I see while she was taking lots of landscape photos, she managed to catch someone checking her out:


Can you ID that animal?

My father used to tell us when he got old, we should just stick him in the Old Soldiers’ Home in Washington, D.C. When he said old soldier, I don’t think he meant a soldier this old.


Can’t imagine how she talked him into that touristy moment, but I like it because he’s not wearing glasses. It’s rare to find a picture of him in his later years without them. He had really bright blue eyes, and as a friend of the family recently wrote and told me, “When he talked about the three of you [his children], his eyes were filled with love, they just sparkled.”

That was a really nice thing to hear. Thank you.

Legacy Writing 365:156

When we lived in South Carolina, the church my parents took us to was so small it was in a house. I guess walls were removed to make one big room where we sat on folding metal chairs during services, and the bedrooms had been turned into Sunday school rooms.

Here’s my father, cigarette in hand, standing on the front steps with the preacher. I don’t know the other gentleman, and can identify only one of the group (those hats!) standing on the porch behind them. The preacher’s name was U.A. Hall. That was his birth name–U.A.–just the initials (I think I might have even found him in a Hall family history online, but I can’t be sure because his birthdate isn’t listed). If pressed to say what the initials might stand for, he’d always say, “Useless Always.”

The first time he ever came to our house, probably the week after our initial visit to his church, my father had been doing yard work and had just stopped and popped open a cold beer. I’m not going to name this fundamentalist church in which my father had grown up, but trust me, drinking was NOT condoned. Not even a “little wine for the stomach’s sake,” as my parents and Uncle Gerald used to quote the New Testament book of Timothy. When my father asked if the beer bothered him, the preacher shook his head and said it was probably very refreshing on a hot day. That started them off on the right foot. In time, he became a close family friend. He’s the preacher who married David and Terri. We’d already moved to Alabama when he died unexpectedly of a heart attack in his forties, within a few months of Uncle Gerald’s death, a double loss that crushed my mother.

Here she’s standing next to him outside the church. No hat, but I’m particularly fond of this picture because it reminds me of Steel Magnolias:

Shelby (about her mother M’Lynn): You can’t mess up her hair. You just tease it and make it look like a brown football helmet.

and later, M’Lynn, looking at herself in the mirror: Shelby was right, my hair does look like a brown football helmet!

Maybe one reason U.A. was a bit more openminded than he could have been was because he was divorced, quite uncommon for that time, and particularly uncommon for a minister. Among the people I remember from there is Ruby, who “kept company” with the preacher. It was Ruby who used to say, “Everybody has to go over Fool’s Hill,” a quote I used in A Coventry Wedding and still repeat to this day.

I also remember that one of the first things my father did after my parents became members of that church was paint a sign to put in front of it with the name, the preacher’s name, and the hours of worship (Sunday school; Sunday morning; Sunday night; and Wednesday Bible study, and members were supposed to attend all of those every week).

I was old enough by then to register my first awareness of the way things were in the South outside of military posts (where on weekends, kids took one of three huge Army green buses: the Jewish bus, the Catholic bus, or the Protestant bus. Those were our only divisions, other than either being an officer’s kid or not). But I saw segregation when we went to a nearby city for a “singing” (a big meeting of members from that denomination’s churches throughout the state to sing gospel songs together). When a group of black church members arrived, they filed up to the balcony to sit separately from the white people. I saw my (always liberal) mother’s eyes narrow and her lips get tight when she watched, and I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but I knew she didn’t like the division at all. (Her own eye-opening experience of bigotry came when she was seventeen and took a train to San Francisco. Maybe I’ll share that in a future post.)

Here the preacher is sitting in the den of our house one Sunday afternoon. My mother always cooked a big Sunday meal, and she and the other church ladies took turns inviting U.A. to their homes for dinner. If I didn’t have this photo, I wouldn’t have remembered that my mother hung my horse painting on the wall with some of my father’s art. I remember that furniture so well (our second best after the new furniture went into the living room).

I believe the den might have been converted from a garage or a porch. A long row of high windows stretched across one end. Our dining room table and chairs were at the other end. The pull-down stairs to the attic were there. I remember hearing my parents pull them down one Christmas Eve and I crept out of my bedroom and into David’s bedroom, which was right off that room. I saw my father bringing a blue bike down from the attic. When I was told the next morning Santa had brought it for me, that was the end of that era of my childhood. But it was okay, because the blue bike took me on adventures all over that small town.

I also remember lying on the floor in the dark in the dining room/den, staring toward the night sky through that row of windows, and feeling scared that beings from another planet were going to land on earth. Who knows what TV shows or news stories prompted that particular fear, but it was far more real to me than the atomic bomb scares my older siblings had to contend with when they were in school. We still laugh about those–drop under your desk and cover your head with your hands? Yeah, that’s gonna help!

Martians and segregation notwithstanding, that small South Carolina town remains in my memory as one of the best places we lived. It became the hometown for a character in Three Fortunes in One Cookie. And of course, it’s how Terri came into our lives–and so, later, Daniel.

Legacy Writing 365:155

I’m going to recognize a few birthdays this month, and today is Bill’s. I got to meet him on my 2000 trip to the West Coast. That’s the occasion of the magical rugby players, but other things happened, too.

Like when Bill and Jim took me to shop and eat lunch in La Jolla.

Later, we went to Steve C’s big birthday bash at Dale’s wonderful home.

It’s also the trip when Bill, Jim, Steve, and I saw RENT at the San Diego Civic Theatre.

Thanks, Bill, for helping us all make some great memories on that trip, and I hope you have a fantastic birthday!

Legacy Writing 365:154

Saturday I really needed some things to be happy about. Fortunately, after Tom and I cleaned house, he cooked for our postponed dinner and Craft Night. Rhonda and Lindsey joined us and helped give me ideas for my future Create Stuff entries for the month. Then while Rhonda did a bit of photoshopping and Lindsey began a new painting, I worked on another sketch with input from Tom.

Friends and art are always helpful.

While looking through some Tom-family photos, I found this one from 2003. Tom’s holding our niece Emily, but Margot and Guinness are staying nearby to remind him that they’re his best girls. Also, I’m pretty sure they know that where there are little people, there’s usually food. Or at least interesting smells.