Do intentions matter?

Over the past few days, I’ve seen too many photos and read too many stories from the city of my ❤️, Los Angeles. My heart aches for all those homes lost. People lost. Businesses and jobs lost. The daunting prospects of recovery and rebuilding. Not everyone there is wealthy, nor are all those neighborhoods filled with the residences of celebrities.

I’ve seen videos of terrified wildlife fleeing from fires, including a cougar with her two cubs running behind her—so beautiful, so scared. I’ve seen horses being rescued and taken to shelter in safe sites, and offerings from other communities of the number of horses they can take in. Many pets have been placed in shelters until their families can figure out where they’ll be staying or going next.

So many have lost their homes, all their homes’ contents, and sometimes even their vehicles. Meaning to be reassuring, people offer, They’re just things. They can be replaced.

Not all things can be replaced.

I thought of my decades of photos, my own and my mother’s. My father’s art. My lifetime of journals. My father’s military records. My mother’s genealogical records.

I thought of all the mementos and items Tom’s parents have saved his entire life and given to him on special occasions. His rocking horse. His family Christmas ornaments, including some from his grandmother. His parents’ art.

My teddy bear. My dolls, and I don’t mean that massive collection of Barbies so much as my baby dolls and the dolls my father brought back from Korea and Japan. Some of the Barbies do have deep sentimental value, too.

I thought about Tim’s violin, built by his grandfather. The portrait of Rex done by a local artist and gifted to him by Laura. The plant he brought back from his grandmother’s funeral that he’s kept thriving for several years. Lynne, too, has two plants, one that came through various relatives from her grandmother to her; another that was her mother’s, who died in 1978. I thought of the carousel horses that were gifts from her late husband.

Debby lost some very precious keepsakes related to her children during our flood in 2017, and a couple of things I valued from my teenage years went missing, maybe inadvertently thrown out with larger items. We’ve lost a lot over the years, but we’ve never lost everything, as is happening to so many right now because of the L.A. fires.

Some things can never be replaced because most of their value exists only in our hearts and memories. Sometimes, when our hearts are broken, those things give us something tangible to cling to, just as our companion animals give us the will to be strong, to keep going.

Yesterday, I watched a video of a stranger, maybe someone’s neighbor or a passerby, as she realized she saw movement on a property, and used her hands to pull two surviving fish and two turtles, all struggling, but alive, out of someone’s koi pond in their yard next to their burned down house. She put them in a cooler that she filled with their water to transport them. (There were others, fish at least, that hadn’t made it.) Imagine losing everything but what you could take with you, and then being reunited with those four little survivors, and what they might mean to those people. The kindness of that woman is immeasurable, and she’s just one of so many who are trying to do something, anything, for their fellow Angelenos.

There’s so much heartbreak in these losses, but there’s also heartbreak in the vitriol from the usual choir of cruelty. I can’t understand, don’t even want to understand, how people can be so small, so hard, instead of just kind. Even in thoughts. In words. Just kindness. It costs nothing to be kind.

Do intentions matter? Yes. I absolutely believe they do.

Over these days, I’ve turned to music from the CDs that live in the sanctuary closet with a lot of the things I once used in my practice. They’re meant to comfort. To help someone relax. To be a channel to healing. I have more, but these were ones I pulled out so far.

Enya, The Celts, 1987 and re-released in 1992; Watermark, 1988; Shepherd Moons, 1991; The Memory of Trees, 1995; A Day Without Rain, 2000. Loreena McKennitt, The Book of Secrets, 1997.
Loreena McKennitt: Parallel Dreams, 1989; The Mask and Mirror, 1984.

I’m grateful for artists and their music, as I am for all those who provide the movies and television shows we watch, the books we read, the art that intrigues us. So much of the creative output that entertains and enriches us comes from that concentrated part of the west coast.

There are two realities I hold on to. First, our strength and resilience are the reason we persevere and rebuild. It’s how San Francisco has come back from earthquakes. How New Orleans came back from Katrina. How New York came back from terrorist attacks. I’m picking big cities because right now it’s Los Angeles, but across the Midwest, the Northeast, the South, the West and Northwest, this same spirit has driven us, as it will North Carolina and other areas impacted by disasters, whatever their causes.

And second, the abundant kindness we show to those who experience catastrophe reflects the best in us. Whether we give our time or material support or let our thoughts, words, actions, and prayers come from kindness, infused with the energy of good intentions, we get to choose to be a part of one another’s healing instead of their suffering.

Photo Friday, No. 942

Current Photo Friday theme: Puddle.


A little backyard fun after a few days of rain. This made me think of the movie Convoy, in which Kris Kristofferson played the truck-driving Martin “Rubber Duck” Penwald, Rubber Duck being the handle (name) he used on his CB radio. I had a CB radio in my car, my own handle, and a lot of fun and helpful conversations with truck drivers on the road at night.

Kris Kristofferson as “Rubber Duck.”

That movie soundtrack brings back memories, too.
“Convoy” by C. W. McCall
“Lucille” by Kenny Rogers
“Cowboys Don’t Get Lucky All the Time” by Gene Watson
“Don’t It Make My Brown Eyes Blue” by Crystal Gayle
“I Cheated on a Good Woman’s Love” by Billy “Crash” Craddock
“Okie From Muskogee” by Merle Haggard
“Southern Nights” by Glen Campbell
“Blanket on the Ground” by Billie Jo Spears
“Keep on the Sunny Side” by Doc Watson
“Walk Right Back” by Anne Murray

Even websites get the blues

There’s been a lot of activity around Houndstooth Hall for the past few days: plumbers, electricians, and utility company inspectors coming and going. This has kept the dogs riled up. I did manage to make a traditional New Year’s Day good luck and prosperity meal, this time with ham, biscuits (Tom made), steamed broccoli, turnip greens, and black-eyed peas.

The dogs violently spoke out about these strangers all over the property, and my brain couldn’t possibly have written in such an environment. I did manage to get a new banner with events, people, and dogs from 2024 on here. I also did something long overdue (not done since 2022) and cleaned up the original Timothy James Beck website. There were broken links, strange coding characters messing up pages, some pages even had our OLD P.O. Box address (and I’ve had the current one for around ten years). The author photo collages were so outdated that I deleted them–basically, the site was a hot mess.

I picked this banner photo from the TJB site because it has two very blue covers–my week’s theme color–three, if you count the cover we always called “Adam Wilson’s denim-clad ass.”

I know some HTML code thanks to this site, but there were things I had to research, and I managed to learn new tricks and fix the invasive and bad code. I hope it’s all correct and up-to-date now. There’s a page on the site with reviews and quotes from readers. I haven’t read any of that in years, and when I did, it gave me quite a lift.

I told Tim and Jim from now on, when I start feeling like I haven’t done much, I need to treat that page on the site like a scene from the movie Soapdish. Sally Field’s character Maggie, a daytime drama actress, would go with the show’s head writer Rose (played by Whoopi Goldberg) to a mall in New Jersey. Rose would pretend to “notice” Maggie and start fan-girling, which would make people in the crowd stop, stare, recognize, and rush Maggie for autographs, telling her how much they loved her and her show’s character, “Celeste Talbert,” and it would help Maggie emerge from her funk.


Since I snagged the TJB banner from one of my Flickr albums (related to book publicity), I also noticed this blue-dominant photo to share again. It includes Mattel’s Summer doll, who I bought in 2008 (on a shopping trip either before or after an amazing dinner Lynne treated me to) specifically to publicize this book. Summer (named Jandy in the novel) started a whole world of sewing, top modeling, Mattel Model Muse doll buying, and the Runway Monday series on LiveJournal.

You never know when another muse may come along, as I was reminded today. But that’s a story for another time. =)

Photo Friday, No. 939

Current Photo Friday theme: Cinematic


I’ve shared this photo before, taken somewhere in the Texas Panhandle in 2014 when Timothy and I traveled from Houston to Colorado and back as part of a rescue animal transport. I kept telling Tim I was looking for “the last picture show,” and in this moment, I found that mood. I converted it to black and white and quoted from Larry McMurtry’s novel, later a movie, The Last Picture Show in my post back then.

I’ll post the McMurtry excerpt here, too.

Sometimes Sonny felt like he was the only human creature in the town. It was a bad feeling, and it usually came on him in the mornings early, when the streets were completely empty, the way they were one Saturday morning in late November. The night before Sonny had played his last game of football for Thalia High School, but it wasn’t that that made him feel so strange and alone. It was just the look of the town.
Larry McMurtry, The Last Picture Show

Sunday Sundries

I will put this Instagram link here and hope very much that it works for you, because this video is not yet on youtube, or at least I couldn’t find it. If you watch “Labs of the Mohicans,” make sure the sound is on, and you might understand what motivated me to make today’s sundries include book, movie, soundtrack. All amazing in unique ways, much like Stella the yellow lab.

You could read the book. I confess, I didn’t read it when it was on the syllabus of one of my favorite classes taught by one of my favorite professors. I have the good memory of being taught it, but many English majors may remember the drawback of taking on extra classes because you love literature. If you multiply four lit classes by the number of books for each class, and add all the reading and requirements of your non-major classes, you have to make choices. I read parts of it, and in atonement, I plan to read it in its entirety now. I’ll see how that goes.

You could watch it. Because, good grief, Daniel Day Lewis. Madeleine Stowe. The rest of an outstanding cast. I plan to watch this again soon (not in lieu of reading the novel!).

You could listen to the soundtrack, some of the music so sweeping and powerful that unrelated movies have used it for their advertising trailers. I already listened to it again on Friday and have kept the CD handy to listen again while I’m writing.

Photo Friday, No. 937

Current Photo Friday theme: Ancient


Anubis, ancient god of funerary rites, protector of graves, and guide to the underworld, was portrayed in Egypt’s Early Dynastic period (circa 3100 to 2686 BC) in full animal form, with a jackal head and body.

Trivia: “Jackal” is one of my favorite words in the English language.

More trivia: If you were a “West Wing” viewer, you’ve probably never forgotten Allison Janney’s portrayal of C.J. Cregg lip-synching “The Jackal.” Allison Janney, who was really good at this, had to do it with C.J. not quite as good–all part of the fun. Seeing it again makes me want to rewatch the entire series.

ETA: It was on this date last year when Marika died. She’d have loved watching that video. “West Wing” is the show we simultaneously watched together late at night in different parts of the country, maintaining a running commentary via messaging.

Marika is missed, and I think of her often, especially when I hear INXS, Tom Petty, Elvis, Tom T Hall, Billy Idol, and Lenka. (Also–and she would bitch about this–Steve Perry/Journey.)

tangled up in blue, among other things, and a breakthrough

I’ve colored from this book before, but maybe only for posting on Instagram. I think one of the first pages I ever colored when I picked up the habit again was taken from it. Back then, I colored while I waited outside a building in the medical district where Debby was interviewing to be a hospice volunteer shortly after she moved to Houston with Harley and Stewie (so 2015?).


This new addition looks a bit like Harley–lab-like–and I chose to color him because I could fit the drawing, as hoped, under the one I shared Wednesday. I just had to trim off the top and bottom of the empty space around him. If I had to name him, I don’t know if I’d call him Blue or Tangle. While I was coloring him, Bob Dylan’s song “Tangled Up In Blue” was running through my head. The song was from his album Blood On The Tracks, which along with his album Desire, remained on continuous play when Kathy and I hung out together as undergraduates at Bama. If we were listening to those albums now, I believe we’d still remember all the words.

Forgetting that I’d colored Blue/Tangle and already had a post drafted for him, this morning I looked again at a list of suggestions from Blue Sky Boy. (You know, I do know your first name, but I never use it because I never asked if I could, and I don’t remember if you used it on LJ.) Back on topic, I saw the word “soccer” in his list and perused a few coloring books to see if anyone was playing soccer. Didn’t find anything but I did find a soccer ball in this coloring book. (Fun fact: a soccer ball, or the French version, ballon de soccer, is mentioned in the work in progress in the Neverending Saga.) That page led me to inspiration from the guy below, who joined the soccer ball and a few other things like a yellow umbrella (a reference to “How I Met Your Mother,” because I enjoyed the way the TV show used it through many seasons) and a baseball (also important in the Neverending Saga).


Tom’s grandfather owned a grocery store, and once, when a customer couldn’t pay his bill, he built and gave Grandpa two rocking horses for his first two grandchildren, Tom and his cousin Gina. This one is Tom’s. I love that story and the rocking horse. Here’s the picture I colored today.

As I colored, I finally had a solution to something that’s been holding up the writing of this chapter I’ve been struggling with. Hopefully that means a good writing day tomorrow. For future posts, I have a few more coloring pages lined up, as inspired by suggestions. Thank you for your comments and input.

is there anybody going to listen to my story

Title is a Beatles lyric. Took my most recent coloring page (started last night; finished this morning) from this book. If I tell you the book’s one of my favorites, you’ll probably roll your eyes and think, They’re all your favorites, but it’s not true. There are a whole stack of coloring books I rarely open, so you see mostly coloring pages from my favorites. And I’ll offer again: come up with a coloring page theme or something you’d like to see colored, and I can probably find it on my shelf.

In 2016, I made a firm promise to myself. In 2020, I took a deep breath and repeated it. The paths my thoughts traveled as I colored the page below–thoughts that had zero to do with what I was coloring–have made me question whether I can make and keep that promise again. I don’t mean to sound all mysterious and certainly not ominous. I’m not making drastic changes in my life, only accepting a hard truth about something. I’m sure we all have to do that sometimes.

Here’s the coloring page. It doesn’t take up the whole page in my sketchbook, so I’ll probably end up coloring something smaller to go with it one day.

And here’s “Girl” by the Beatles from Rubber Soul that played its way through my ten million thoughts and resolutions while I colored. Man, I miss Riley.

ETA: The reason I chose that page to color was because it had earrings. This past summer, I made the decision to stop wearing earrings and let my piercings close up. I first got my ears pierced at age sixteen by a friend–ice cube against the ear for numbing, sewing needle through the lobe into a slice of raw potato behind the ear–lots of alcohol and soap and water, leaving the little gold studs in for I don’t remember how long until everything was healed. I’d been absolutely forbidden to get my ears pierced. I did it when my mother was in New Jersey waiting on the birth of a grandchild. My father never noticed. I didn’t know the phrase then, but “it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission.” =) My second piercings were a spur-of-the-moment agreement with Lynne in a Houston mall in, maybe, 1989? ’90? With one of those piercing guns. Hurt like the dickens. Anyway, I was tired of trying to find earrings I liked and could leave in all the time. I have a ton of beautiful earrings, mostly small studs, and probably not a single niece or grandniece, nephew or grandnephew, who’d want them.

Sunday Sundries

For whatever reason, I’m dragging today. Maybe I do know the reason. I couldn’t fall asleep last night for anything. I tossed and turned for a couple of hours, repositioned a couple of dogs several times, and finally gave up and changed rooms so I wouldn’t disturb everyone else. I wasn’t even thinking of anything to keep me awake or make me afraid to fall asleep. It just wasn’t happening.

But I promised unicorns, and unicorns it shall be. I’ll begin with this little dish that rests on my dresser. No memory of where it came from, but the only thing I’ve ever dropped in it is that magic token. If that’s not an apt description for a unicorn, what is?

The Unicorn Wishes set came with a unicorn, a mat to stand on, four scenic backdrops, and a book.

The unicorn is petite, but surely full of good vibrations. I’ll call her Wishes. And promptly forget her name. (One of many reasons this site exists: to be the Info Repository for my brain.)


I imagine I picked up this beauty at a craft or art supply store when I needed a unicorn for a photo shoot. Maybe during the Katnip series. Too lazy to search! I’ll call her Flower. Today, I used her to text birthday wishes to my friend Kathy: Making Me Laugh Since 1977 ™, including over the last few days.

Does this boy have a name? I don’t remember, but as of this writing, he’ll be named Secret. He has one. It’s harmless.


Now back to this, the OFFICIAL coloring book of The Magical Unicorn Society. Not to be confused with those fake coloring books, societies, and whatnots. This book gives an account of the different types of unicorns: the Gold Unicorn and the Silver Unicorn; the Mountain Jewels; the Water Moons; the Woodland Flowers; the Desert Flames; the Ice Wanderers; the Storm Chasers; and the Shadow Nights.

I colored a Shadow Night in July of 2020, and a scene with two Woodland Flowers in Sept/Oct 2020. As I mentioned yeseterday, I’ve kept the pages in the book, because of how it’s arranged by different unicorn groups and provides history. Which you know is all accurate because it’s from The Magical Unicorn Society. No naysayers need pop off like this is some silly made-up thing. This comes right from Unicorn canon.


Since I’d already colored the first two pages of the first section in the book, the Gold and the Silver Unicorns, back in April of 2022, I decided over the past couple of days to continue through the book in order. According to the history, these were the very first unicorns, born thousands of years ago, thanks to the misbehavior of another of Earth’s inhabitants, a Winter Dragon.

Maybe this fellow who’s been living in the toy chest since he was captured to put on a birthday cake is a Winter Dragon.

This malcontent attacked a pair of horses and chased them through a magical waterfall.

The waterfall transformed the horses into the Gold Unicorn and the Silver Unicorn. The two of them appear on the Magical Unicorn’s Society’s official crest. They represent power and prestige and are matched with the symbols of the four elements: earth, air, fire, and water.

The Magical Unicorn Society Official Coloring Book is for sale from multiple sources. If you or someone you know loves unicorns and coloring, I highly recommend it.

reading and coloring

Very glad I followed the recommendation of a commenter to an article about Quincy Jones and read this autobiography. I settled with my iPad and read it as an e-book before bed every night, spellbound by the life this man led. He worked with everybody! I learned so much, not just about him, but about music and music history, ranging from classical composers to hip hop.

He had his demons and made mistakes, never quite escaping the damage of a tough childhood, but he remained full of love for his work and the world, along with his family, friends, and fellow artists. You know a man’s special when he had several children by several wives, and he and the kids loved each other unconditionally, and the wives spoke kindly and lovingly of him even when their relationships ended. No telling how many lives he impacted during his 91 years. I finished the book last night. Rest in peace, Mr. Jones.

After I ran errands this morning, I found a good way to make myself feel better about things while I color: play old music I can sing along to. Not the kind of music I normally listen to, but music that takes me back to times when I was really just the daughter of two, and the kid sister of two. For example, Saturday mornings when we cleaned house, my mother would stack albums on the stereo. They’d be her favorites, mixed with some of Debby’s favorites to sing along to, and some of my favorites, too. That’s how today, while I colored, I ended up on YouTube listening and singing along to many songs by Andy Williams, the Righteous Brothers, Tom Jones, Patsy Cline, and Hank Williams Sr.

I’d forgotten how singing is a great mood lifter. That’s true even though I’m not much of a singer (Debby is and Mother was). Luckily, nobody’s hearing me but the dogs; Tom’s been in and out of the house a lot so far today.

This is the book I was coloring from. I’ll share those I’ve finished as part of my Sunday Sundries post tomorrow. I did my first from this book in 2020, and I haven’t removed any of them to put in my sketchbook. I’ll explain why in tomorrow’s post. A unicorn’s always worth the wait.

When listening to YouTube today, I made a discovery. My parents had an album of instrumentals that included an English clarinetist, Acker Bilk. For all I know, the entire album was Acker Bilk. My father’s favorite from the album was Bilk’s rendition of “Stranger On The Shore” (England’s biggest selling single of 1962). For the first time, today I heard the lyrics. The words are so sad, maybe because as I listened, one of my characters came to mind, and it broke my heart for her. Then, as I pondered how to work it in as a reference in book seven (the current work in progress), I realized it’s even more heartbreaking for a different character in the series that would follow the Neverending Saga (should I ever actually complete the NS). I’m WAY too hard on my characters, and consequently on myself, sometimes. But as one of her mentors, who may have gotten it from Robert Frost, once told Marika, No writer tears, no reader tears!

Here’s the song with an orchestra and Andy Williams singing the lyrics:

And the instrumental version with Mr. Bilk and his clarinet: