I think the most complex months for me every year are April and December. They are a mix of good and bad events that are part of my personal history. Birthdates and anniversaries. Death dates. I try to keep myself aware during these two months of the year that my moods may fluctuate wildly. I try to be a little more patient with myself.
I encourage ANYONE to practice self-patience. It’s a far more constructive act than self-pity.
Self-pity is a downward spiral that is really hard to rise out of. It will eat away at your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. It doesn’t recognize the wonder of all that you are, your totality and the entirety of your life.
Self-patience is awareness and more forward-looking. It’s a rejection of Poor me, my life is miserable, there is nothing good in the world. Instead, we can recognize: This painful or terrible thing happened. I acknowledge it and the effect of it. I also survived it. Maybe I didn’t always deal with it in the best way. Maybe for a while, I was consumed with hurt or disappointment. But I’m still here, and things did get better, and hurting did become less impactful than healing.
I AM STILL HEALING. That’s a huge part of what we need to acknowledge when we are suddenly overwhelmed by a bad memory or anniversary or a return to grief or pain. Healing doesn’t have an expiration date. Healing is ongoing. That’s absolutely normal and fine. Never let yourself be shamed by anyone else or yourself because something that happened years ago can still hurt you. Never think that a date will lose its impact because a lot of time passed since the original event. In our souls, in our memories, time is not linear. We are everything we have ever been at one time. Our joys, our sorrows, they travel within us every single day. Whatever triggers them, whether a date, a sense, a song, the words someone says, a photograph: They can feel immediate.
Be patient with yourself. Breathe. Acknowledge. And remember that it’s not happening now. You have traveled since then, both emotionally and in time. Life continued and will do so again. A bad moment, a bad time, a bad memory are not forever. They coexist with the good times, the good memories, and a happier you.
You are loved. I wish you peace in your life and in your soul.
The sunshine blinded me this morning love
Like the sunshine love comes and goes again
I love you I love you
The sea air it’s flowing through my room again
Like the thoughts of you fill my heart with joy again
I’m sorry
I miss you
All things that live one day must die you know
Even love and the things we hold close
Look at love look at love look at love
Look what we’ve done
Loneliness is a very special place
To forget is something that I’ve never done
Silently silently you touch my face
I agree.
For me, the last quarter of the year has the most anniversaries, birthdays and death dates. Grief pops up at the oddest of times, though, and I don’t mind it. I am glad I still feel grief. It means I cared and still care, that I loved and still love.
Look after yourself.
Thank you, you, too. I know you have a birthday coming up, and that’s a good thing about December!
Thank you Becky. Your words are always so profound and healing to me.
You’re welcome, and thank you, for telling me that. It means everything to me. <3