Copyright 2004-2024 Becky Cochrane or TJLink. All rights reserved. Please do not post my content, including writing and/or photographs, on other sites. You are welcome to link here from other sites. If your own copyrighted material has been included on this site in the past and you would like it removed, please email me. Thank you.
I like the one about the three little pigs
You will probably like something I’m getting in my Christmas stocking. But you have to wait.
Here’s a joke my father told me and my siblings every Christmas.
“How the Angel Got On Top of the Christmas Tree”
One Christmas Eve all heck had broken loose at the North Pole. Santa’s Workshop was in a state of complete chaos. The elves were fighting, the reindeer were sick, and Mrs. Claus had shrunk Santa’s new suit in the dryer.
“That’s it!” Santa said. “If one more person comes to me with a problem I’m going to tell them where they can stick it!”
Just then the Angel burst into the Workshop with a Christmas Tree in her arms and said “Hey Santa! What do you want me to do with this tree?!”
And I’ll bet when he told it, you guys rolled your eyes with that “oh, dad”look only kids can do, and you secretly loved hearing it again.
There was a guy in a lobby dressed from head to toe in highlighter green, and all I wanted to do was bump into him and say, “Sorry, I didn’t see you there.”
Ha! Do you think he’d have gotten it?
Also, in the Star Wars uncut when Darth Vader prematurely celebrates the end of the Republic,
Context: To three of us W-ites (you can probably guess which three) standing on the steps of Bibb Graves Hall the University President, Ernest Stone, our freshman year at Jax State, walked up, inviting himself to join our conversation and said, “One of the most important skills you need to master as young college students is to identify correctly and clearly the issues you face.” He then told us this story.
“Twin brothers were about to enter Jr. High for their very first year. Concerned that their lack of swearing talents would prohibit their ability to fit in, the brothers set out to expand their colorful conversational capabilities. One said to the other, ‘You go to the Jr. High, I’ll hang around the Sr. High, learn what we can, and then we’ll get together to compare notes.'”
“When they gathered to share their new learning, Mom walked in on their meeting, interrupting their exchange of information with a question: ‘What would you boys like for lunch?’
The first twin responded, ‘I want a d*** peanut butter and jelly sandwich.’ Aghast, Mom spanked the boy, washed his mouth with soap, and sent him to his room with a shout, ‘And don’t come down until dinner!’
Red-faced with anger, she turned to her second son and asked, ‘And what do YOU want for lunch?’ Looking warily at his mother, the boy said, ‘I don’t know, but you can bet your sweet a** it won’t be a d*** peanut butter and jelly sandwich!'”
“That,” said President Stone, “Is the inability to identify clearly the main issue before you at any given moment.”
That was forty-one years ago and I, still, am learning that lesson. Roll Tide.
HA! Some lessons stick with you for good reason.
I hadn’t thought of Dr. Stone in years. His wife Katherine was my elementary school principal (my school was across from the ROTC building where my father was on faculty, but the new school is in a different location and is named for her–Kitty Stone Elementary).