I found an article, “Your Cynicism Isn’t Helping Anybody,” completely by accident, and finally, I have a succinct, orderly explanation for why I often call myself a skeptic and why, for many years including right here on this website, I have denounced cynicism. (I think my earliest mention was on Christmas Eve 2007, when I quoted Carol Burnett’s interview on “Inside The Actors Studio,” wherein she said her least favorite word is “cynicism.” INDEED.)
The article I found is from Time, and I know people very often don’t click on links, but you can read it in five or fewer minutes here. I don’t dare post it in its entirety, because I don’t want to violate copyright. In the article, Zaki rebuts and questions the following MYTHS: that cynicism is clever, safe, or moral. In fact, he says, cynicism is a trap that makes us underestimate and distrust others.
Damn near everyone I know, and believe me, that group covers a range of beliefs and attitudes related to the “forbidden” topics: sex, money, politics, and religion, keeps bringing up in our conversations, and on their social media, the same questions these days: why is everyone so mean now, why is everyone so divided and disconnected, and why does no one trust anybody? I agree with the take in this article, that “cynicism,” and the way cynicism is used against us, is at the root of these problems. I’m not a cynic, but possibly I’ll end up getting Zaki’s book, Hope for Cynics: The Surprising Science of Human Goodness, because that’s how much this article resonated with me.
The many forms of art and creativity can offer us several things. Art can confront us with what’s wrong and destructive in the world and challenge us to make things better in large and small ways. Art can remind us of our common connections and give us hope. Art can elicit our humanity by giving us the opportunity to laugh, weep, and wonder. I’m grateful that during a challenging few months, I’ve had movies to remind me of all of this. My most recent rewatches have been:
1991’s Frankie & Johnny, 1997’s My Best Friend’s Wedding, 1999’s Runaway Bride
Along with their humor, all three of these movies illustrate what a difference believing in oneself and others, or NOT believing in oneself and others, can make in their characters’ lives. Relationships that endure make room for apologies, forgiveness, and changes. Once again, the lead actors inhabit the lives of their characters skillfully, and Héctor Elizondo is in two of the three films, along with others I’ve already watched. If he ever plays a bad guy, I don’t want to see it. =)
Typecasting is a fatal flaw of acting. I sometimes welcome actors who break free from the mold. Patrick Stewart in Jeffery was hilariously too much of a change for a Star Trek roommate fan, but I loved the transformation betwixt the two characters by one actor. Also, Elijah Wood from Lord of the Rings to Dirk Gentley’s Holistic Detective Agency, was just a more subtle change role change, but the stories and situations were very different.
I have come across shows whose actor I loved in one role, but I hated in a different role of a different show, too, so I can see why you wouldn’t want Héctor Elizondo in a bad guy role.
Just finished Pretty Woman, probably my favorite of all Elizondo’s RomCom roles. I don’t think there’s anything Sir Patrick Stewart can’t do marvelously. He’s an international treasure.
I adore Héctor Elizondo! 😀 And, we re-watched Pretty Woman just the other night.
Interesting article! I’ve often referred to myself as a ‘cynic and a skeptic’, but I’m not a true cynic. It’s more of a ‘hope for the best, but expect the worst’ scenario (cuts down on disappointments! ) and I’m willing to give people the benefit of the doubt more often than not.
I think we’re aligned (Hector and the “hope for the best”/”benefit of the doubt”), as on so many things. =)
I am cynical. I’m not saying that’s a good thing, but I acknowledge it. I would say that I wasn’t born cynical, rather that it is what life experience has made me. But maybe that’s an excuse?
I think, for a large part, one’s personality is formed by life experience. Everyone’s life experience is different and no-one can know what it is really like to be someone else. We used to say at my Counselling course that ‘my experience is my reality’. I see all of the guys on hook-up apps online, so many of whom are cheating on wives, girlfriends, partners, and that makes me cynical. Spending the last three Christmases home alone, when so many people tell me that it’s ‘just another day’ and then spend it stuffing their faces and opening presents in the bosoms of their families, make me cynical. Being made redundant twice by employers who demanded loyalty from their staff makes me cynical. I was touched and amazed that so many people made the effort to attend the fiftieth birthday party I threw for myself, but that was counterpoised my spending my actual fiftieth birthday completely and utterly on my own. That didn’t feel good.
Sorry. Nerve touched. The past five years since Chris and I split-up and I relocated just in time for lockdown have had an effect. I was cynical long before that. As I mentioned in another comment, I spend too much time alone. I have tried and tried and tried to make a life for myself and, to an extent, I have finally succeeded, but at my age, people have their own lives and it’s not as easy making a life for oneself as it was when I was 21.
I often wish I could shut the world out and, as you know, refer to my house as ‘The Hermitage’ in my own blog. I would seriously change the name of my house to that if it wasn’t so expensive. I may yet. I think I have a healthy, if somewhat dark, sense of humour. I often delete my online profiles, only to re-establish them. I live alone and get lonely. After five years, I don’t like living alone, but I am used to it. The world won’t come to me, so I challenge my fears and have joined theatre groups to do what I love. Having joined two groups and participated in six productions since relocating, I have finally made one friend whom I see outside of the group. Everyone else, maybe, has family and friends and don’t need, or have capacity, for any more. I simply don’t meet potential love interests in real life, so I have little choice other than to resort to online sources – and we know how that has gone! Back in the day, the internet didn’t exist, let alone ghosting and blocking.
Anyway, I could rant for hours and it won’t change anything. I’m sure you know that none of this is directed at you – or anyone else, come to that – but simply venting my frustrations.
I know I should focus on the positives – such as connecting with you online via Timothy all those years ago – and meeting my friend Robert, indirectly via Grindr. I do remember those things – even though you might not think it to hear me rant! I am so grateful for so many things. Someone once said that I am an optimist hiding inside a pessimist. I think that must be true. I’m still here, after all.
I don’t feel like you were directing your words at me. I’m not sure if you were able to read the article I linked to, but I think it might, albeit briefly, address points you make. When I think of cynicism, I think of people who hold hard to generalizations, distrust, and suspicion (and sometimes, that isn’t borne of their circumstances or experiences, but a kind of posturing, or a way to manipulate others). I don’t think gratitude figures into their equation. Your gratitude, and your awareness of and efforts to make good change–within yourself, or your life, or in the world–are a kind of antidote to cynicism borne of your experiences.
I have managed to read the article (after posting my initial response) – thank you.
‘They experience more depression, earn less money, and even die younger than non-cynics.’ The last remains to be seen (though I suspect it to be true), but the first two definitely apply to me. However, it seems that cynicism is on a spectrum. Or, rather, based on the article, I am perhaps more of a sceptic than a cynic?
I have observed before that perhaps my presence on dating/hook-up sites/apps is the triumph of hope over experience? I really do think that that person who said there is an optimist hiding under a pessimist was right. There’s something that keeps me trying.
I definitely know I’m a skeptic. After my years of reading your blog, I think you fall outside the lines of cynicism. You’ve had some hard losses and circumstances through the years, and you’ve kept going. I well remember the kind of shell shock I experienced in the 1990s decade after losing friends (to AIDS), a couple of jobs that meant a lot to me, and getting my eyes opened to realities of a world I’d been oblivious to. When you’re coping, and healing, and trying, it can be maddening to get advice or pep talks from people who don’t understand the time and energy all of that can take.
I could give you a list of things I admire and respect about you NOT as a pep talk, but because they’re true.
The one thing people say to me that really makes me want to give them a withering look (or scream) is “You never know what’s around the corner.”
Seriously?