Passenger

It will always be the hardest date, the day Aaron left us in 2012. I’m sure everyone in our family has mentally rewound that day and all the ones before it, wondering how anyone could have made it not happen. How we could have him alive, happy, and with us today, maybe two years out of college, maybe starting a family, and while it’s poignant to say doing all the amazing things he might have done, any of us would be happy for him to be doing the simplest of everyday things. To see him, share stories, laugh again with him. Depressed people can do all those things so well that even the people who love and know them best can be misled into believing everything is okay when it is so not okay.

So some of us who lose a person to suicide do whatever we can in case even one person might benefit. We tell the truth. We say, “Aaron killed himself. He didn’t get help. He didn’t tell us he needed help. We would have moved mountains to get him that help. We would have visibly, persistently, fiercely, loved him so much in hopes that the light of our love would get through the cracks and give him even one more moment to love himself.”

If you are suffering as Aaron suffered, if you believe there’s no one you can tell, then please, please call:

National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433)
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Youth Crisis Hotline: 1-800-448-4663

Today Debby and I worked in Aaron’s Garden. The tin trike is the new addition I got last year with this in mind, making a path through the garden. We love you so much, Aaron, and we send all our love to David, Lisa, your brothers, and your sister.