It’s a mystery how the vivid blue and white gift of a clear sky can become the backdrop of something so inexplicably horrible that it shakes the best of humanity to its core.
Of course I remember. I remember all too often with a sadness that seeps into me. I try not to let it seep out of me. Sad things have happened, and I want to recognize and mark those things, I want to remember, but I don’t want sadness to be the all of me, the all of what I show the world. I’m right to be sad. I’m right to mourn. But I’m more than sadness and mourning.
On that day, I made sure first that the ones special to me were safe. I got to hear the news that a lot of people didn’t, a Yes, I’m here, we’re here, from Manhattan with Tim and Timmy and Michael and Jean-Marc and Jon, from Washington, D.C., with April and Nick and Trey and Tyler. We’re here. We’re okay. Phone calls and phone calls and phone calls for the woman who hates being on the phone, but the Do you know? Did you see? Are you watching? Did you hear? with family and friends all across the continent.
Eleven years, and I know probably some of my memories have lost the sharp edge of accuracy but the feelings have not dulled, only found a place where they are not all, where they can only overwhelm me in moments, and only occasionally.
And in all the madness and confusion of that day, THIS. This reminder that a tiny gift can bring a giant love.
Steven is eleven today, and that is a reason to celebrate.
Because the national events of that day are woven into our hearts, into our souls:
We mourn.
We create.
We heal.
But we don’t forget.
Ever.
Photo credits and explanations: 1. Today’s Houston sky photographed by me. 2. Photo of newborn Steven from my mother’s photos. 3. Photo of Steven now courtesy of his mother and grandmother. 4. Photo taken at the World Trade Center site in 2003 by Lynne. 5. Photo of Liberty Garden taken at the University of Southern Mississippi Gulf Coast, in Long Beach, 2004 by me. 6. Photo by me of Rolando Briseño‘s “Twin Tortilla Towers” taken at Houston’s Art Car Museum in 2009. 7. Tableau created and photographed by me on September 11, 2012. The Egyptian dog sculpture I bought in NYC on my first visit in 1997. He holds orange calcite, which helps heal grief and promotes joy and peace with others. The snow globe celebrates the Manhattan skyline as it used to be. The rose quartz, a gift from James, helps remove fear and anger and brings gentleness, forgiveness, compassion, kindness, and tolerance. The backdrop is an unfinished painting by Lindsey. 8. Photo taken at the World Trade Center site in 2003 by Lynne. 9. Photo of Manhattan from Liberty State Park taken by Tom’s parents in September 2004.
Thank you to everyone whose images help me express some of today’s feelings.
I can’t recall what I did last Tuesday, but it was something decidely non-mournful. My remembrance was to choose to celebrate life. I recall watching the footage of the plane going through the tower while talking with my daughter on the phone. I had to turn it off because they just kept bombarding us with that footage.