Yeah, I know that they’re only called palmetto bugs in Florida, and everywhere else they’re roaches. Tree roaches, though, not cockroaches (like those that infest your home, are nearly impossible to get rid of, and fall off the ceiling into your father-in-law’s salad when you live in a really crappy apartment as an impoverished newlywed, not that that’s happened to anyone I know).
I know that these female tree roaches can fly when they’re breeding, and they stupidly fly at you, provoking your immediate urge to murder them, instead of away from you, so that you can just run off screaming uncontrollably and they’re allowed to live another day (and bear more young, bless their hearts).
Yet, over time, I’ve made a kind of bargain with them. Inside, they must die and die quickly. I no longer cringe and flee in terror (screaming for Tom at two in the morning when he’s sound asleep, not that that’s ever happened, either) when I spot them. I grab whatever is nearest and bludgeon them to death without hesitation. I don’t see them often in my house, because they’re not really inside bugs, except sometimes at Tim’s apartment, where they like to escape from the heat and look for water. But I don’t live in Tim’s apartment, so they’re his beast of burden to bear, not mine.
Outside, I just try to avoid them. After all, they’re not as big as the ones from South America that I saw (dead) in an exhibit at the Cockrell Butterfly Center (a lovely place that is mentioned in The Deal, a novel I’m sure you’ve ALL BOUGHT AND READ).
However, as I mentioned in Tim’s LJ comments, because my friend’s home in the suburbs is a magnificent showplace of trees and plants and lush foliage of many types, it is also a sanctuary for palmetto bugs tree roaches, like this one who smiled for a photo last night, just inches from where I was turning on a faucet.
Oh, I know what you naysayers are thinking: “Why, it doesn’t even have the height of a brick! What’s so scary about that?”
Fine. Looks can be deceiving. Because when you spot one of these in your house, it seems more like this.
Still not impressed? Then check out these friends at Houston’s recent Gay Pride Parade.
Satisfied?
Oh how precious…okay, not really. It brings back memories of being invaded by those f#%@ers when I lived in Brooklyn…think of the scene in The Mummy when the scarabs pour into the pyramid.
…think of the scene in The Mummy when the scarabs pour into the pyramid
I don’t want to.