Being flexible

In the end, I didn’t get much writing done yesterday and probably won’t today, though I’ll try. Things happen, and those require a shift in priorities. Part of that shift meant that I needed to reorganize and repack all author copies of the Timothy James Beck books, Cochrane/Lambert novels, the anthologies we’ve edited (or appeared in, sometimes under mysterious pseudonyms 🤣), and of course, the two Becky Cochrane novels. Although one of our publishers gave us only a few author copies, and we had to split those 50/50, the TJB publisher gave each author a better number of complimentary copies–but once Tim moved to Houston, that meant double the number ended up with us. Those, and bound uncorrected proofs, are for authors to give away to reviewers, booksellers, people who are supportive and have promoted us, including family and friends (and of course, the publishers are also providing those to reviewers and to other authors they want cover blurbs from).

It can add up to a lot of books, especially if a book is released in hardcover and trade paperback. Like…eighteen bins of them.

We’ve heard from readers who are thrilled to find any of these books that are out of print, especially if they’re part of TJB’s Manhattan series of five books. If they only knew–SHOOT ME AN EMAIL (becky@beckycochrane.com). I can hook you up. If you ever need a copy of one of the books, or you’d like a set to give to friends, literally if you could cover the postage, they’re yours, both hardcover or trade and mass market paperbacks.

I think we have an ample supply of everything but The Deal. On that one, I have a few of the trade paperbacks because I’ve bought them used when I’ve seen them, and I own maybe four hardcover copies that were part of a now-defunct bookclub that released their own edition. The only person who could pry one of those hardcovers from me would have to be a member of the royal family, and by that, I mean 👑 Elton John and his husband David Furnish.

Audio

This is the cabinet tucked in next to the fireplace in the library.

The old gentleman from whom we bought the Hall back in December 2015 had his stereo equipment there, wired to two speakers on opposite walls in the library, and two speakers in the area that became our home office. It was nice to have the set-up, so we put our stereo equipment there, too. Only one of the speakers in the library worked, so Tom removed the other one. If we use the fireplace, we have to keep the cabinet door open at least a few inches so it doesn’t get too warm inside.

Top shelf holds the turntable and six-disk CD player. If you notice CD jewel cases on the top shelf, when I buy CDs in plastic, I return the cases to one of our local shops that sells used CDs for them to reuse. (Less plastic in landfills.)

Second shelf is the receiver, and YEP, an actual cassette player. Maybe I should have held on to some of those cassettes because they matched a lot of the albums that drowned in the Harvey flood, and I still haven’t replaced them on either vinyl or CD. (How I mourn my Bob Dylan, John Mellencamp, and vast Beach Boys collections.)

Next shelf down contains the four CD binders with the disks and sleeves all saved: A to J, K to R, S to Z, and number four, unlabeled, is classical, Christmas, and I think soundtracks and scores. There are also CD collections on that shelf that came packaged in cardboard with booklets and other bonus materials. The BIG collections like that–almost all reissued compilations, in my case, from the Beach Boys and Beatles with lots of previously unreleased material–are large enough to be part of the albums that are UP HIGH on a metal, more flood-safe bookcase in the office (learned my lesson in 2017!).

The houndstooth box on the bottom shelf holds a lot of those CDs in cardboard sleeves as well, the normal CD length and width, just sometimes thicker for multi-disk collections. The space to the left of that box stays empty because that’s where we reach in to turn the knob that ignites the gas logs in the fireplace (it’s a two-person job: one person to turn on the gas while the other holds a flame to the logs–though I can sometimes place one of those long fireplace matches, lit, under the logs and do it solo).

I got an idea from John, our longtime friend who Tim first met when they worked together at Crossroads Bookstore, and who left there when it closed for Borders, and when Borders closed, he found the perfect home at Murder By The Book. He’s decided to choose an album a day to play from his vinyl collection so he can listen to music he might not have heard in a while.

Now that I’ve moved one of my old “jam boxes” to the writing sanctuary, I’ve decided to try this with our CDs. I’m sure there will be some I don’t listen to, like collections that were gifts and aren’t really to my taste, or some of Tom’s CDs, because we don’t always appreciate the same music. =) Sometimes I can’t have music playing when I write (if I do, it’s more often classical or New Age), because it becomes a distraction, but I’d like to attempt to listen to what we have and revisit old favorites. If I start this today, it appears I’ll be listening to Fiona Apple and a lot of Beach Boys and Beatles. I’m sure this surprises you.

Maybe I’ll add the daily playlist at the bottoms of posts after the fact. Eventually, you can marvel at all the things you think I don’t have and all the things I do have that you think are crap (to each her own, friends and strangers)… But keep in mind this doesn’t include all the music downloaded to my computer or my vinyl (including my fun 45s from my siblings’ and my adolescence!), so this isn’t the full library.

I genuinely don’t have any more 8-Tracks or cassettes, though, and I never had a reel-to-reel like so many musicians and music lovers I’ve known. C’est la vie.

ETA: I did get to listen to Fiona Apple and found some other “A” artists in the back of that binder. But this is the second CD player that’s had some issues once I started using it, and this one began making a noise that took away any listening pleasure when I put in Adele. I might be interested in buying something else, but Mercury’s in retrograde. I don’t feel like throwing money at yet another device that will crap out. I already deal with daily tech problems. Can’t use the big system because then Tom can’t watch/hear the TV. So I’m music-free again.

I think of the days of real headphones, not tiny things that stick in my ears and make them hurt, but those wonderful, soft, cushiony headphones that not only delivered gorgeous music, they blocked out all other sounds. I’m old and obsolete, like everything else.

Button Sunday


Should have gotten a photo of Debby’s Christmas socks to go along with this button.

A few shots from a day filled with cooking and eating and opening presents and laughing and doing dishes, so many dishes.

Set a table for dining.

Set a table with food to fill our plates. This one has us all smiling, but I really love Anime down there hoping for some food to fall.

Menu: roast beef, ham, chicken wings, roast gravy and chicken gravy, mashed potatoes, green beans, black-eyed peas, corn, cornbread dressing, cranberry sauce, Tom’s homemade biscuits.

After eating, there was a frenzy of opening presents and everybody got good stuff, but I was too busy being greedy to take photos.


Dessert was a coconut cream pie from Debby, a German chocolate cake for Tom’s birthday, and assorted candy and cookies sent by friends.


Tom ready to blow out his candles and have birthday cake and open cards and presents.


A birthday gift from Debby was an artsy little doppelEva.

Winter solstice

What did I do to mark the shortest day of the year?

I wrote a little and slept more than I meant to. Yesterday I got my Covid booster, and the only reaction I had was a sore arm. I also had a slight headache today, but I don’t think it was the vaccination. I think it’s our weird weather. We’re supposed to have a big plunge in temperature tomorrow (Thursday), and we’re hoping it won’t be as bad as the time in 2021 when we lost power and had a pipe burst and went without hot water for several days.

This month, a gift we bought ourselves is this pop-up greenhouse. We bought a lot of plants at the beginning of the summer even knowing we were headed into a drought. We felt like we’d have better luck with potted plants. We did get them through summer, and now we want to get them through any harsh days of winter. Tom moved the plants into their temporary home today. Tomorrow, he’ll add a heat source before the afternoon temp falls.

Tomorrow, we’ll also bring all the succulents from Aaron’s Garden inside to protect them from the freeze.

Meanwhile, Lindsey and Rhonda were here this past weekend, and Lindsey offered Tim a small greenhouse she had that would protect his plants during these wintry temperatures.

Today, I couldn’t help but think of another bitterly cold December night in Alabama many years ago. I rarely talk about my first husband/marriage, but not because it’s anything I’m ashamed of or because it was a terrible relationship. I was simply too young to get married when I did, and four years later, it was clear we wanted different futures. Any ending is painful, but I have nothing but good things to say about him. My family, young and old, loved him, and I loved his family.

I got out our wedding book today not so much because it’s the anniversary of our wedding day, but because I’ve been trying to remember the pattern of my “everyday” dishes from that time. No luck. I’d written down my china, crystal, and silver patterns, but not the one I was looking for. I sold the silver after the divorce, took the china and crystal because he didn’t want it (still have all that and often use it on holidays), and left those everyday dishes with him.

Lynne happened to call when I was trying to find the pattern online by its description. When I reminded her what it looked like, but I wasn’t sure if the similar pattern I found was mine, or if mine was an imitation, she asked, “Where did you register?” When I told her, she said, “If you registered there, you got the good stuff. Not a knockoff.” It’s nice to share a hometown with someone who can solve a mystery because she remembers businesses that may no longer even exist.


This is a picture of me with my bridesmaids, and here’s what’s cool to me about this photo. The matron of honor I was on the phone with today. My friend/college/graduate school roommate I was exchanging texts with today (she lives in another country; we have a long catch-up phone call planned for next week). Just a short walk away in Fairy Cottage, I visited my sister tonight. And the mother of my oldest nephew, I last texted with ten days ago. Only one of these women is someone I lost touch with–no reason at all except different lives going in different directions. A lot of years, a lot of living, a lot of losses and careers and events since this photo, and I still love them and am so grateful for the relationships that have endured and still hold an abundance of laughter, acceptance, support, and understanding.

My parents are deeply missed but are a part of every one of my days and a million memories.


Yesterday, my brother and I exchanged texts, and tonight when I was at Debby’s, the two of them were texting. We miss him. We hope the world will get a little saner so we can all be together again.

Considering just the history shown in these photos, I’ve been so blessed with family, including in-laws, nieces and nephews and grandnieces and grandnephews, and special friends I met through my siblings who stayed around through many changes, like Lisa and Geri, and the ones we miss, like Dottie and Connie.

I also exchanged emails with Pat today and I forgot to tell her that, as every Christmas, the hand towels she once embroidered for us are out in the guest bathroom.


Dachshunds on either side of a bell with holly. It’s like she knew many years later, I’d be living in a place we call Houndstooth Hall.

I have another friend from the old days who texted me earlier in the week. Even though she’s miserably sick with the flu, she wanted to tell me that a character on a show she’s watching reminds her of (young?) me. I hope she feels better soon.

Tonight, as the longest night of the year began, I improvised a new recipe for eggplant for Tom and me. I served it on the brightest, most mismatched dishes I could pull together, because I wanted the cheer of all that color.

Maybe cheer is the point of all these memories and expressions of gratitude. There have been times in my life when my losses were so great that I didn’t think I could keep breathing. I’ve done things I was deeply ashamed of, that filled me with such remorse that I felt unworthy of love and forgiveness. I’ve been so broke, and broken, that only the kindness of others helped me inch toward a better hour, a better day, any measurement of distance that might take me to a better place. I’ve lost friends in anger, in misunderstandings, in cruelties done to me. I’ve had to walk away from people I loved to save myself. And the worst–I’ve lost far too many people through the decades to death due to disease, accidents, and suicide.

There’s no perfect life. There’s no life without pain. But on one of the worst nights of my life, when I felt completely alone and worse, abandoned, I looked out at the dark night and thought, If I can just see the sun come up in the morning, I’ll be okay.

The sun did come up. Everything didn’t magically get better. All the problems and pain didn’t go away. But I’ve looked at every sunrise since as another chance to experience a range from barely hanging on to joyful.

I hope to appreciate another sunrise tomorrow, the first longer day after the solstice.

I hope that if these words ever find you in a bad moment, you, too, can draw strength from every good person, animal, memory, event, and natural beauty you’ve known and remind yourself the sun is still there and you will be okay.

A pause…


For sixty years…


…four generations of Cochranes…


…have sat around the table…


…on these six chairs.

They’ve traveled among homes in Georgia, South Carolina, Alabama, Kentucky, Texas, Utah, and Ohio. They’ve seated us at many Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, birthday, anniversary, retirement, graduation, and wedding meals. They were there for playing cards and other games, coloring, drawing, typing stories, sewing, assembling puzzles, soothing newborns, holding toddlers as they grew heavy with sleep, sneaking goodies from the table to dogs, and smoking and enjoying drinks while telling stories. So many stories. They’ve heard music, laughter, arguments, and borne witness to a million memories shared by the friends and family who sat in them.

It has taken me five years since the flood, when we stopped using them, to remove them from storage and let them go. The consignment shop that took them is part of an organization that in 2023 will mark 100 years of raising money for medical research and development. My mother placed items there when she lived in Houston, and I know she’d be fine with the chairs embarking on another adventure from there.

Debby said it best–she hoped the chairs find a good home with lots of love and laughter. I have dozens of photos showing that’s exactly the kind of family they’ve been with.

Today I’m not myself
And you, you’re someone else
And all these rules don’t fit
And all that starts can quit
What a peculiar state, we’re in
What a peculiar state, we’re in
Let’s play a game
Where all of the lives we lead
Could change
Let’s play a game
Where nothing that we can see
The same
But we’ll find other pieces to the puzzles
Slippin’ out under the locks
I could show you how many moves to checkmate right now
We could take apart this life we’re building
And pack it up inside a box
All that really matters is we’re doing it right now
Right now
But we’ll find other pieces to the puzzles
Slippin’ out under the locks
I could show you how many moves to checkmate right now
We could take apart this life we’re building
And pack it up inside a box
All that really matters is we’re doing it right now
Right now

Recap

Strange week filled with ups and downs and serendipity and labor put into things other than writing.

I get a monthly newsletter from author Carolyn Haines. I’ve downloaded her latest Sarah Booth Delaney mystery, Bones of Holly to my eReader and will be reading it this month. In her most recent newsletter, she provided a link to a free reading of a short novella called “Junebug Fischer” by author Mandy Haynes. Here’s the description: Junebug Fischer will be ninety-six come June. She’s ready to set the record straight and let you know what really happened the summer she turned fifteen. It’s true, she killed someone, but she never killed nobody on purpose. That was purely accidental. I don’t know how long the novella will be free, but this link will enable you to either download it to your favorite reader or open it on your computer to read without downloading: link to read ‘Junebug Fischer’. I enjoyed it, and I’ll be reading more by Mandy Haynes.

December has a few challenging anniversaries, so I’m always grateful for the good stuff. A couple of high points of the week included a good update about a family member’s surgery and a photo my brother texted to a proud sister/aunt showing him with his son and grandsons. I already have that photo printed and hanging in the family and friends gallery in the hall.

For years, I’ve tried to replicate my mother’s recipe for fried corn. She gave me directions. She let me watch her do it. She told me the specific kind of fresh corn on the cob I needed to buy and how to prepare it the way she did. I have never found corn sold under that name. And I have never successfully made a batch of corn that tastes like hers. This week was no exception. I mean, the corn was fine, but it wasn’t hers. I’ve searched and tried online recipes. I’ve enjoyed Lynne’s version that she cooks the way her mother did. Even the best fried corn I’ve eaten doesn’t taste like my mother’s. I try this at most every two or three years, so it’s not a big deal, and in one way, my failure amuses me: my mother would like knowing she did something no one else has been able to do. (There are many others; even if she never acknowledged those, I do.)

In the few years before I was laid off from my job because of the pandemic, one of my holiday frustrations was not having the time to address and send Christmas cards to friends and family. I could start the process in December but sometimes didn’t finish it until my March birthday and, one year, even Easter. No more job meant this is one activity I’ve been able to accomplish since 2020 before Christmas. This year might be my earliest ever, partly because we were able to get a family photo in November thanks to Lindsey.

Yesterday, I dropped the first batch of cards in the mail when I had to pick up more stamps at the post office, and today, I’ll be sending the rest in the batch pictured here.

While finishing the task might not seem like a big deal, this particular activity provides me a much-needed feeling of connection. That’s helpful since I’ve drastically reduced texting and messaging using social media due to ongoing technical problems (e.g., wonky computers, Internet outages) but also the state of the world (watching billionaires have public pissing contests with one another on unnamed apps or millionaires detail their lives via “reality” shows or TikTok videos holds no allure for me at all; your mileage may vary).

I have three gifts to box and ship (once I do a little more shopping) that will include what I think are the last of my cards. After that, I can focus on the remainder of our holiday preparations, including Tom’s birthday on Christmas day, and maybe then, finally, my brain will assure me it’s okay to focus on my fictional work in progress. I need writing to feel balanced, too.

I’m ahead on one thing, though: I have my New Year’s Resolution all ready. =)

Happy Thanksgiving 2022

Here’s our traditional Thanksgiving greeting to you all. I reminded myself to TURN THE HEN TO THE SIDE so you wouldn’t be looking into its cavity.

I then promptly took a table photo, and….


…left you staring right into the hen’s butt. Sorry!

Another perspective of the table allows you to see what was damn near perfect cornbread dressing–the best I’ve made in years. Plus Debby being funny and putting the entire bowl of mashed potatoes on her plate.


I forgot to take a photo of the pecan pie and sweet potato pie Debby baked before we cut into them. It was a good day, and I paced myself so I wasn’t too exhausted to eat when we finally sat at the table.

Here’s the full menu: baked hen, cornbread dressing, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, black-eyed peas, macaroni and cheese (Tom requested and Debby made), squash casserole, and yeast rolls. I don’t think I left anything out. We all drank water, and Tom had some coffee with his pie.

It was great to be with Tom, Tim, and Debby at the table telling stories, sharing memories, talking current events and state of the country without any disagreements or drama. I’m so thankful for our home, our family, chosen family and friends, and our dogs. Another lovely holiday to remember.

random or not

Today was a gorgeous day here after some rainy/rainy-cold ones. It allowed me to do physical work outside–a much needed antidote to too much horrible news and too many reprehensible behaviors displayed for the world to see via news and social media.

Today’s outside work means I have a nice collection of kindling for when we use the chiminea to sit on the patio and talk when it’s both clear and chilly.

1. I know that “influencers” carefully cultivate an image much like entertainment figures do. 2. I rarely stick with reading or following “oversharers.” 3. I share selectively. I only ever got on social media in the first place because anyone with something to sell (e.g., art, books, music) was told it was the best way to find an audience. I don’t have anything to sell (these days). I don’t feel compelled to influence anyone. I still like interacting with people here, but this has become mostly a way to keep up with my days–what I do, who I’ve seen, what I’m thinking about or remembering.

I’m sort of working on something that I’m adding to the blog–but I’m “time traveling” to do it, so it won’t show up on the first page. It’s something I want to keep up with for reasons of my own, and I don’t imagine it would mean anything to anyone else.

If you’re in the States and observe the holiday tomorrow, I hope it’s what you want it to be, whether restful, busy, social, or quiet. I’m thankful for the people and animals who fill my life with laughter, love, and thoughtfulness.