I love my friend James so much. Yesterday we exchanged e-mails most of the morning, and the subject of some of our shared memories came up. I mentioned the “bittersweet” feeling I had when looking at old photos and he said, “Bittersweet… yeah, I use that word a lot. It’s such a complicated feeling.. sort of a comfortably sad memory moment… an unexpected perspective and yielding to the inevitability of the loss of everything we have loved. Sometimes I really hate how it makes me feel, kind of like the way I hate surrendering the day to sleep.”
I just have to love a man who expresses himself so eloquently and ALSO understands my tendency to resist going to sleep at night. I wonder if this is why Tim finds it hard to say goodbye to the day, too.
It was five bags of leaves. But yes, sir, yes, sir, four bags full doesn’t sound as good.
Tim and I just filled four lawn bags with leaves we raked up. OK, I filled one and he filled three. Yes, sir, yes, sir, three bags full.
Now that my mother has moved into her own place, I’ve moved my office from Tim’s apartment back into my old space. And even though it’s nice to be home and have the dogs breathing behind me, and even though Tom made the space better than it used to be, and even though I know Tim was weary of me being in his space… I still miss it. Tim has good energy, and I appreciated being a part of his home.
Plus… that left him without online access, so he’ll have to bring his laptop here to be online. Which doesn’t bother me at all, but I know what it’s like to be displaced.
Steve got a new cell phone today. It will preoccupy him for several days. He will know it backward and forward, understanding all of its functions. It will rule his life. I still have a hard time looking up a programmed number in my cell phone. I’ll bet Steve was an easy kid. They just gave him a new toy and didn’t have to worry about him.
The boy likes his toys.
I just talked to Timmy. That’s Tim II. Or Second Timothy. Or Alternatim. Sometimes I forget how much I like and love him. And then I remember.