Tag: aids

Tarot Etc. Thursday No. 22

Last week I featured the 15 Tarot decks I have. Here are the rest of the decks or similar items I’ve located throughout Houndstooth Hall.

I’ve featured four Oracle decks. If you Google the difference between Oracle and Tarot cards, you’ll find a wealth of information (some of it contradictory–good luck!). My decks are:


Celtic Astrology Oracle Cards


The Illustrated Crystallary Oracle Cards


The Urban Crow Oracle


Messages From Your Animal Spirit Guides Oracle Deck

In addition to my Tarot and Oracle decks, here are other items I have on my shelves. Like these, that I should use MORE OFTEN.


Mindfulness On the Go (2014) is a small book by Jan Chozen Bays with twenty-five mindfulness practices that can be done anywhere. These are meant to get a person into the habit of cultivating “the gratitude and insight that come from paying attention with body, heart, and mind to life’s many small moments” (from the back cover of the book).

The Relax Deck (2000), designed by Henry Quiroga, with illustrations by Katarzyna Klein and Hannah Firmin, includes fifty cards with images on one side, text on the other side, all meant to help the user relax. Here is a sample card:

I think this is one of my favorite decks I’ve ever bought for just making me BE STILL AND BE for a while. It’s very refreshing. Not only does it provide inspirational exercises, but it even shows you how you can use the cards in a game with others. I haven’t done that. Yet.


I also have this box of Mindfulness Cards: Simple Practices for Everyday Life (2018), from Rohan Gunatillake. Again, this is a deck I should use more often. Here are the categories:

And some samples from “Curiosity and Joy”:

Here are some of the other resources I’ve shared on here before.


John Nagiecki’s Animal Spirit Knowledge Cards (2007), beautifully illustrated by Susan Seddon Boulet.

Karma Cards (1991), created by Monte Farber.


Rachelle Charman’s Chakra Reading Cards (2016).


My collection of Rune Stones, that includes The Book of Runes (1984) by Ralph H. Blum.

WHEW! I think that’s everything. As I was compiling this post, I found a few more things that might be of interest to you. They reminded me of the importance of mindfulness, gratitude, and the kindness of friends.


This came from a woman I worked with in 1997. Someone very special in her life was LGBTQ, and I’m not sure if she’d shared that at work with more than a few friends. One day, she overheard my quick, sharp response to someone who made a homophobic remark. You never know who’s listening and how your support might uplift someone who needs it. In return, this little book she gave me has many reminders that I recorded of kind things done for me. They’re a pleasure to read and remember all these years later. I need to start writing in this book again.

I want to reiterate this because of other people’s stories I’ve read or heard lately. BE A FUCKING ALLY FOR MARGINALIZED PEOPLE AND USE YOUR VOICE. You don’t have to yell like I just did. Just please don’t miss an opportunity to speak for those who might not be in a position to speak for themselves.


I was confused when I saw this tiny book tucked away on a shelf, because if you’ve read here for any length of time, you know I’m always quick to say that I don’t put a lot of stock in fortune telling. When I looked inside, I remembered how lively LiveJournal once was for many of us. I knew Todd from there, but once people stopped using LJ, and I stopped using Facebook, I lost touch with many of those folks. Thank goodness he inscribed this book when he sent it, since I’d forgotten how it came to me at Christmas 2008. I hope Todd is doing well.


Likewise, you may have read or heard me say I’m not into spell casting. I’ve seen this go wrong for people who don’t know what they’re doing and are trying to control other people’s behavior instead of working on themselves (did I say that in Church Lady’s voice?). However, the title clearly specifies that it’s a GOOD spell book, and once I read the inscription from our friend Steve V, I realize the fun he had in giving it to me (“Jimmy” is his pet name for our mutual friend James). Steve V is an activist and advocate in Houston’s HIV/AIDS community, and he and James are two of the best people who’ve ever come into my life. Grateful for them always.

Did you make it all the way to the end? I’m thinking that this post marks the end of Thursday’s Tarot Etc. posts. However, I want to transition it to Thursday Thoughts, leaving it wide open for anything you might want to discuss, ask about, or if you want me to look into any of these decks for a specific date or animal or card or crystal or mindfulness/meditation exercise or whatever. You know I read all my comments on every post, so if something strikes you, drop a comment anywhere and let me know anything you might want me to talk about on a Thursday. If you want your interest or question to be anonymous, email becky@beckycochrane.com. If you hit “tarot” in that tags list on the right, you can find past posts of specific decks or similar items. Thursdays, YOU get to choose the content.

Revisiting a tasty memory

Back in the age when my friend Steve R was alive, he had a favorite Tex-Mex restaurant on Kirby in the River Oaks area called Jalapeños. Here’s an old review that describes it better than I could:

A visit to this bright Upper Kirby cantina decked out in eye-popping colors and playful artwork on the walls is always a fiesta. It hops at happy hour, which features more than 40 tequilas and most every Mexican beer. We like the innovative menu items like crawfish quesadillas, quail frito or outstanding spinach enchiladas—a dish that’s creamy and garlicky, with just the right amount of bite from poblano peppers. They’re evenly matched on a combo plate with corn enchiladas that are sweet yet spiked with onions. Seafood fans go for the extensive fresh fare from the Gulf, including snapper and shrimp Cancun, baked in a banana leaf. Traditional fajitas are even done right here: charred and tender with rosy centers and sizzling onions and peppers on the side.

One of the things not mentioned is that you might spot President George HW Bush and wife Barbara dining there (not a selling point for us, particularly at the height of the AIDS epidemic).

Back in those days, I didn’t eat Mexican food, or Tex-Mex, but I’d go with Steve and get something basic like nachos. One day, he persuaded me to try a bit of his spinach enchiladas, and I was hooked. It was the cilantro white sauce–not overly spicy like the red sauce usually on entrees, and I liked it so much.

Tom and I were sad when Jalapeños closed in 2005, because it became a favorite place to go with friends and for him to take his father when he visited Houston. I don’t know if it was last year or this year that I had reason to research it and discovered that one of the former chefs, Seco, had his own Mexican-Latin fusion restaurant in the Rice Village area called Seco’s, where it’s possible to get spinach enchiladas based on the old Jalapeños’s recipe.

We were in the area on Tuesday and picked up carryout that included the enchiladas, rice, and beans (I got the refried black beans; Tom had the charro beans). The spinach enchiladas don’t taste exactly as I remembered them, but they’re better than those I’ve gotten at any other restaurant, so I was full and happy.

It’s not near us, so I don’t know how often we’ll get food from there, but if you’re in Houston, it’s neatly tucked behind the Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream shop on Kirby. Give it a try!

World AIDS Day 2021

I get a news feed in my email each day, and though I haven’t read all of today’s email yet, the title of the lead article is “Africa: Far Behind,” about the Covid pandemic and the vaccination rate, and when I saw it on this date in particular, it was with the sinking feeling of the more things change, the more they stay the same. Often in Africa, where there are vaccinations in place, they aren’t being used because of distrust and skepticism, which is rooted at least partially in the continent’s historical experience with HIV and AIDS.

There are better-informed sources on that than I am, so I’ll leave it there. Instead, I’ll talk about HIV/AIDS and Covid in a more personal way.

In 1992, when I marched with a group of activists in Houston at the Republican National Convention, one of our chants was: 350,000 dead, NO MORE AIDS. About ten years before–1981–the first five cases of what would become the AIDS virus had been identified, and anyone involved in those early noisy protests was begging to be heard. For someone to act. For medicine, science, and government not to move faster, but to move at all. Those protestors and activists remain my heroes, because without them, HIV wouldn’t be a manageable disease in 2021. Because of science and medicine, and yes, governments, progress was made that saved not only millions of lives but taught us many of the lessons that help people survive pandemics today.

350,000 dead, NO MORE AIDS. Worldwide to this date, approximately 36.3 million people have died of AIDS, while 37.7 million people are LIVING with HIV/AIDS globally. HIV is a different kind of virus from Covid 19, transmitted through sexual contact, blood, needles, or from mother to infant–a mask won’t stop it, though a condom can.

It’s estimated that there have been 5.2+ million deaths from Covid 19 globally already. Covid 19 is spread in three main ways:

  • Breathing in air when close to an infected person who is exhaling small droplets and particles that contain the virus.
  • Having these small droplets and particles that contain virus land on the eyes, nose, or mouth, especially through splashes and sprays like a cough or sneeze.
  • Touching eyes, nose, or mouth with hands that have the virus on them.

Covid has an easier transmission route than HIV, and while vaccination may not prevent a person from being infected, it can mean the difference between staying home feeling lousy for a few days versus landing in a hospital or morgue. And wearing a mask or avoiding places and people who won’t wear masks to prevent the spread of Covid is, I guess, something like wearing a condom or not sharing needles to prevent the spread of HIV. Tragically, many people refuse(d) those safety measures, too.

It’s bizarre to me that now there are actually people who scream against vaccinations that save lives. Who refuse to wear a little piece of cloth that protects themselves and others because it infringes on their freedom. Our friends lost to AIDS: Steve, Jeff, John, Tim R, and Pete, could only dream of a lifesaving vaccination or something as simple as wearing a mask. They would rather have lived longer, and I sure wish they had.

I made promises to them that I’d never forget them. That I wouldn’t let other people forget those times. That I’d keep striving to be a writer and tell stories, not necessarily about AIDS, but about friendships and the families we create as we make our lives on this planet. Their memory impels me to stay alive and to write as inspired not only by them, but by the friends who remain.

Thank you for being part of the journey.

Tiny Tuesday!

My newest FCTRY action figure: Dr. Anthony Fauci, with and without a mask.

I’ve been familiar with Dr. Fauci since I began learning all I could about HIV/AIDS in the early 1990s. He’s served in some capacity in national health since Reagan was president. He was the target of many AIDS activists’ anger because they felt the government wasn’t doing enough to stop illness and deaths. Yet one of the most outspoken of his critics, playwright and founder of GMHC and Act UP Larry Kramer, ultimately called Fauci “the only true and great hero” among government officials during the most active years of the AIDS pandemic.

As a scientist, Fauci has a moral imperative to speak truth to power in a field in which answers may be needed quickly but must come as a result of research and study. The more we learn, the more the answers can be refined. Science is cautious and thorough. Politics is reactive and dependent on the goodwill of people. If you’ve had the Internet since the mid 1990s and have been at all active on social media, “goodwill” seems hardly to exist.

It’s a sad irony that some of the biggest lies of this pandemic have been told–and continue to be told–about Dr. Fauci. It isn’t surprising, however, since most of them come from people who’ve been lying throughout their careers. Lying seems to come as naturally to them as breathing.

Although over the last 14 months, I’ve come to understand that breathing itself is controversial.

A really happy day

Today is our late friend Steve R’s birthday. The last birthday we celebrated with him and other friends was in 1992. Every year since, I’ve made him a cake (or sometimes, Lynne made him a cake), and we always invited friends or coworkers to share it with us in memory of Steve.

Usually it’s a Winnie the Pooh-themed cake, and this year, it was again. Also this year, after thirteen months, because we are all fully vaccinated and past our two-week waiting period, we have a friend staying here to celebrate with us. It seems right that Lynne is the first friend back at Houndstooth Hall, because she was the last to stay with us here before we began to isolate at home.

Steve would have been delighted, and any step toward whatever is the new normal is a welcome one.

Happy anniversary of your birth, Steve, and welcome back to your room, Lynne and Minute!

where to begin…

So like many others with an internet connection, I’ve been trying to keep up with the news and updates on COVID-19. I remind you right here: I’ve lived through a pandemic and lost friends to a virus that was abysmally mishandled by the administration under whose watch it first struck, by agencies that were supposed to inform and protect the public, that was politicized and whose sufferers were marginalized, cruelly treated, mocked… I could go on, but to what point, really.

Recent history. I posted as I always do on World AIDS Day (December 1) to recognize those living with HIV and lost to AIDS, among them people I still love because love outlasts death. I also posted on Instagram, and my post was noted by an account called theaidsmemorial, who asked if they could use my photos and if I’d share a little information about my friends. Of course I said yes to all, and I also began following their account.

It has been emotionally brutal. Reading people’s stories and seeing their photos of the lost ones has taken me back to the hardest time in my life. I read every single post and usually end up crying. Time has not softened these losses or the hurt survivors still feel at how often family, society, medicine, government, church failed to comfort, support, respect, and care for people with AIDS. Don’t get me wrong. I saw and experienced powerful stories of compassion and love, as well. I remember every healthcare worker, agency representative, family member, and friend who sustained my loved ones and me through those years. I remember every celebrity and political figure and public figure who rose to their absolute best as advocates and supporters. But most of all, I remember the ill and the dying having to find their OWN way to fight for their lives, to form movements, to wage war against apathy, cruelty, and inaction even as they fell. ACT UP, FIGHT AIDS! and SILENCE = DEATH were not slogans. They were battle cries.

These days, I read and study and follow each day’s news and wonder, Did we learn nothing?

I understand the complexity and many-sidedness of a public health crisis, but I’m offering fair warning to those who know me. Do NOT try to engage me in any conversation in which you defend the indefensible. A lie is lie. A failure is a failure. Incompetence and bigotry can hide behind whatever facade they wish to, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t there. I will call out hypocrisy, dishonesty, indifference, and inhumanity as I see it, and I don’t give one solid fuck where your politics reside. I know where my conscience resides.

…you help me sing my song…

This one is harder than some others to share. Let me get a few photos on here first.

Setting up my remote office.
When I checked into the hotel (I could SEE the venue from the hotel!), the guy at the desk asked what brought me, and I said Paul McCartney. He pointed to a table across the lobby where I could sign up for a shuttle to and from the concert. So convenient. My pickup time was 6:50 Friday night.
My seat was on the floor. Haven’t done that for a long time.
It doesn’t matter why you go, when you’re at a ball park, you eat a hotdog. It’s mandatory.

Background on going to see Paul McCartney. I follow Sir Paul on Instagram and he has been posting photos and stories all along from his Freshen Up tour, and I knew it was coming to the States. And I thought, What if Tom and I try to see him in concert as our anniversary gift to each other?

We considered various dates, but there was always something in the way so that it wouldn’t work out–Arlington, New Orleans, Phoenix, Las Vegas, LA–I was looking at them all, but there were too many scheduling conflicts.

Finally, Tom said, “Look, I don’t care about this as much as you do. It would be a good concert, but it means a lot more to you than it does to me. You go. I’ll stay home and take care of things here.” One way you can stay married for 31 years is to understand and respect the other person and know sometimes you are an anchor, and sometimes you wish them wings.

My original Arlington choice was a good date and an easy drive. I left after transport on Thursday and worked in my hotel room that night and through the day on Friday, went to the concert Friday night, left Saturday to spend a day and night in Corsicana with Lynne (and worked from there, too–bless the Internet and WiFi), and returned to Houston Sunday. I needed time outside my space, outside my head, outside my routine.

So at the concert… I’m literally about as happy as I can be on this planet. I was exactly where I wanted to be when I wanted to be there. It’s a significant date in my life, June 14. On that date in 1992, I said goodbye to our friend Steve when he died because of AIDS. He and I always said, “Will you still need me when I’m sixty-four?”–and the answer was always, “Yes,” though we knew we weren’t really going to get that option.

I knew Steve (who was himself a musician and a conductor) would be delighted that I was at this concert. He wanted the people he loved to LIVE every minute after he was gone.

So I’m living in that moment, relishing every song, reminding myself every few minutes, This performer came into your life when you were seven. You watched him and his band CHANGE THE WORLD. He’s interwoven in your history, just as he is for millions of others…

And then he put down his guitar, went to his piano, and played “Maybe I’m Amazed.” I shocked myself because I started crying. We will always have new and wonderful relationships if we’re open to them, but I never forget that two of Paul McCartney’s most profound loves–part of both his emotional and professional lives–ended when John Lennon was murdered and when Linda McCartney died of cancer. They will always be an empty space on his stage.

Riley played that song for me on piano, too, and he was the empty space in the audience, so I cried. And that’s okay. Steve also once told me, “I’d be so sad if I thought no one would cry for me.” I’ve shed so many tears for both of them. I love them still and always will.

I like this video a person put on YouTube for the song. It celebrates Paul and Linda beautifully in photographs.

Maybe I’m amazed at the way
You’re with me all the time
And maybe I’m afraid of the way
I leave you

Maybe I’m amazed at the way
You help me sing my song
You right me when I’m wrong
Maybe I’m amazed at the way
I really need you

Button Sunday

Yesterday I left the house and the computer and the work and enjoyed an outing to Murder By The Book. My friend Dean James was signing the latest in his Cat in the Stacks series, Six Cats A Slayin’ (written as Miranda James).

It’s always so good to see John and the staff (and bonus! John’s husband Matt) as well as Dean, who now lives in the distant land of Mississippi.

What’s better as winter closes in than a new cozy to read?

It was particularly good to get out because it was December 1. I wore my red ribbon pin in recognition of World AIDS Day and those impacted by HIV/AIDS. My four lost friends are in my thoughts every single day. Without them, especially without Steve, my last 28 years would have been vastly different. There would be no Timothy, Timmy, Jim and all the novels I’ve been part of writing with them. All the other wonderful writers I’ve met and edited and become friends with–they wouldn’t be part of my life. I wouldn’t know the people and readers I’ve met online. I wouldn’t know Dean or John or Matt.

We never know where life is going to take us, but these four are a reminder that the people with whom we’ve shared deep love continue to weave themselves throughout the fabric of our lives. Thank you, my friends.

Tradition

Last night was the return of Craft Night, Part 2. Rhonda and Lindsey came over (first time since they helped us pack up stuff after the flood!) and brought their dog Pepper. Jack is the only one who ever had a play date with Pepper at RubinSmo Manor, so it was a chance to introduce her to Anime and Delta. Anime likes to make new friends slowly, and Delta just wants to be the Boss of All Dogs and People. Pepper doesn’t care. She loves everybody.

Later, she even got a little outside time with Tim’s and Debby’s dogs. Pixie and Penny took it all in stride, as they usually do. Pollock got a little rambunctious and needed some time in solitary to think things over. Harley thought Pepper was wonderful, and Pepper did not understand that Stewie does not think he’s a dog and doesn’t want to be treated like one–so Stewie went back to Fairy Cottage to brood about why flies, his nemeses, exist.

Jack and Pepper, however, renewed their friendship and played so hard that when the night was over, Jack dropped like a rock and slept all night. I hear Pepper was worn out, too.

Of course I took no photos of any of this. However, today being our late friend Steve’s birthday, we did all recognize the occasion last night with birthday cake (thank you, new oven!) as we do every year. It was so nice to be in an almost fully recovered home, celebrating Steve’s life with people we love.


And a big thank you to Tom. When I realized that all the Winnie the Pooh ornaments I use to decorate this yearly cake were in storage, he went through the Christmas decorations that are still on the property to see if any of them were duplicated and still in their boxes. Found one!