Keep it up, mockers

You ever just sit back, put up your feet, and enjoy watching people mock your fear of scary movies? Or maybe theirs is an act of compassion. By taking my fear to a humorous extreme, they will rob it of its energy to frighten me… Yeah, that’s it. They’re all GIVERS! Selfless, considerate, thoughtful…

I do have the best friends in the world, which will be the subject of future posts. Like the one wherein I talk about How I Got to Know My Writing Partners Online and maybe also How the Compound Works (though I’m not sure I understand that question, Steve). Or I may first discuss My Theory of Evolution or Some Random Childhood Memory for Todd.

Meanwhile, speaking of friends…

YESTERDAY’s coffee cup, in this photo that I never had the opportunity to post, is one I don’t think I’ve featured before. It was a gift from Sweet Li’l Amy Sue (who some of you may remember is the former Rex-Tender) sometime back in the early to mid-nineties. The cup was designed by and proceeds from sales were contributed to DIFFA, which is the acronym for The Design Industries Foundation Fighting AIDS. It has long been the coffee cup I reach for most often.

In the photo, you can also see the little V-card that Tom made for me and put in front of my computer monitor for me to find when I awoke. Because in this house, if you want me to see anything? The best place for it is near the computer.

Denece treated me to lunch yesterday. We met at the Galleria. There are many, many places to park at the Galleria. There are several four- or five-story garages and also several underground garages. They are located in the vicinity of different anchor stores. I usually park near Nordstrom, but yesterday I tried a different garage. With my usual ability to step out of my car and go in the exact opposite direction of the one I should take, I ended up in the bowels of the Westin Galleria. If you should ever be a guest of this hotel (as Keelie’s grandmother was in A COVENTRY CHRISTMAS), rest assured: No one gets past the security guard of what is probably the employee entrance.

Once I found my way to Denece, we had a wonderful six-hour visit at the restaurant. (We go between the lunch and dinner rush and we’re always generous with the waitstaff, who let us take a table for the entire afternoon.) Denece always gives me so many things to think about, including insights into the complexities of human relationships as well as the wonderful world of animals (I daresay no layperson knows more about every dog breed than Denece). Plus I got to tell her one of my dirty little secrets. (HA HA HA!) We also made a little trip to Borders, where I ran into the manager, J., and got to thank him personally and hug him for his attention to A COVENTRY CHRISTMAS. He said he just ordered more copies of all the TJB books because he’s building up the stock of the GLBT section. He’s the best.

I have to mop the floors now and ponder my next post, which I may title Gone With The Exorcist, my being a SAP* and all.

*Southern American Princess

The Day After

Having spent several weeks talking about World AIDS Day, it seems right that I share how I spent my time on December 1.

One of the things I will always admire about Houston is that it responded early and forcefully to the AIDS pandemic. Our city, like NYC, LA, and San Francisco, lost many of its most passionate activists to AIDS. Our city, like those cities, struggles against indifference, carelessness, fear, prejudice, and a false sense of security among groups at highest risk for HIV infection. Yet Houstonians still keep fighting the fight, speaking for the marginalized, caring for the ill, and memorializing the dead.

Yesterday, I was privleged to spend time with some of these Houstonians or see the things they’re doing to make a difference.

read more–with photos!

Today is not the only day

Today is not the only day I cry.
It’s just the day I always think of some of the other days I’ve cried.

I am a private person, and it’s hard for me to talk about these things in a public forum. The only reason I do it is because the people we’ve lost deserve to be talked about. They deserve to be remembered. And they deserve the tears we cry for their loss as much as they deserve all the happy memories we share about them.

Here are some of the days I cried.

The day I left Steve R.’s hospital room because one of his nurses insisted that I take an hour or two away, for myself. I went to a music store. I looked through tapes for something, anything, to buy that wouldn’t have a single song on it that would make me think of AIDS. I picked out a Def Leppard tape as being very likely to fit my needs. Then I glanced into the glassed-in room where the store kept their classical music. I thought of all the times I’d gone shopping there with Steve. The way I’d be out on the floor looking through tapes, and I’d look into the classical music area and see him where he was happiest–shopping for the composers he loved. And I realized that would never, ever happen again. I paid for my tape and listened to it as I raced back to the hospital. When I got inside his room, he was asleep, and I made myself look at him, really look at him, and face the truth. Then I did what I almost never allowed myself to do in his presence. I cried. I cried hard in the corner, as far away from him as I could get, so I wouldn’t wake him. His nurse came in and caught me and pulled me out of the room and held me while I cried.

The next day, Steve died. And even though not a single song on the Def Leppard tape should have made me think of AIDS, I thought of AIDS anyway whenever I heard it.

Another day nearly three years later, I woke up and didn’t want to go to work more than anything in the world. I had to force myself to leave the house. My stomach felt like lead. The air around me was smothering me. I drove to the end of my block, turned around, and went home. I stood inside my house, trying to figure out what I wanted. I finally went to my photo albums and took out all my pictures of Jeff. Taking them with me was the only way I could go to work. Jeff was not allowing me to see him by then. He was angry. At AIDS. At the world. At me. I had promised him that I would be with him when he died, as he knew I was with Steve, but he wasn’t letting me keep that promise, and it was making me crazy. There is no end to the cruelty of AIDS, but when it robs a person of the ability to know when and how deeply and by whom he is loved, it is cruelest of all.

I went to work that day, but I could barely function. And when I got home, Tim R. called me to tell me that Jeff was dead.

Two people still connected me to Jeff: our mutual friend, Tim R., and Jeff’s ex, John. John with the twinkling eyes. John who’d never been sick. Who’d never been in the hospital until December of 1996. John who made me swear, as Jeff once had, that if the time ever came that he was dying, I’d be there with him. We were sure that time was far, far into the future. John went into the hospital for tests, and John was going to be given the new drugs, the ones that were making some of his friends’ viral loads negligible. The ones that promised years of a manageable disease, maybe enough years so that a cure would be found. John was only in the hospital a couple of days when, for reasons I still don’t know, his condition took a sudden turn. As James and I stood next to his bed, John took his last breaths. I’ll probably never talk publicly about all the things that happened in the hospital that night, but when I cried, the nurses were like angels and James’s father was so kind to me that I will never, ever stop feeling grateful for him.

Tim R. sustained me through the losses of Jeff and John. And when Tim’s doctors told him there was nothing else they could do for him, the new drugs just weren’t going to work in his case, he made a special point of inviting me to his parents’ house, where he was living by that time. We sat and talked, and it took me a while to understand that he was saying goodbye. That he didn’t want me to be shocked by what was coming. That he didn’t want me to feel like anything was left unfinished or unsaid between us. That was the last time I ever saw him. I left roses for him on the family’s doorstep one night. Though he was barely getting around by then, Tim was able to go outside for a few minutes and he was the one who found them. A few days later, Tim died in his own bed at home, with his family around him laughing and reminiscing. It made me feel so good to know he had such a peaceful, loving exit.

Though I hadn’t cried at Steve’s or Jeff’s or John’s memorial services, I couldn’t stop crying at Tim’s funeral. I cried for all of them, and because I was just so tired after years of dealing with AIDS every day. I cried for the families and friends who’d suffered more and greater losses than I could imagine.

Steve, Jeff, John, and Tim are not my only friends who died, but they were my four closest friends who died. I still have friends living with HIV, and I’m grateful beyond words for the drugs that are helping them manage their illness. There will always be days I cry for the losses. But there are more days that I’m thankful for the love of all my friends–the dead, the living, the healthy, the ill. Every time I laugh, it’s an echo of all the laughter I shared with Steve, Jeff, John, and Tim. In the balance of things, we spent most of our time together laughing and almost none of it crying.

Beautiful men, beautiful souls, beautiful friends. I miss you.

One day until World AIDS Day, December 1

I am just copying this right from Shannon’s LJ because it’s good information. And I’ll also add to it.

More than 20 million lives have been lost to AIDS and it’s estimated that worldwide, 40 million people are infected with HIV.

Young people between the ages of 15-24 are at greatest risk for infection and the face of AIDS is increasingly young and female.

Tomorrow is World AIDS Day. Here are five seven things you can do to help.

1. Join Ludacris and Emmy Rossum for the YouthAIDS Kick Me campaign.
– Visit YouthAIDS.org and register today.
– Download your Kick Me kit, grab your sponsor form, and hit the road. For every hour you wear or post the sign, ask friends and family to sponsor you or simply ask for a flat donation.
– Wear the sign on World AIDS Day, December 1. Talk about HIV. Collect your pledges. Send in funds raised to YouthAIDS by December 15 to collect great rewards from ALDO, Kiehl’s, and others.

If you’ve already registered and are participating, keep going and help spread the word!

2. Stop into any ALDO store or visit YouthAIDS-ALDO.org and purchase an ALDO Fights AIDS tote bag or Empowerment Tag. One hundred percent of the net proceeds from the sales of the bags and tags support YouthAIDS.

3. Shop at Kiehl’s. Kiehl’s will donate one hundred percent of proceeds from ALL SALES in free-standing stores between 5:00 – 7:00 pm on World AIDS Day (December 1). To find a store near you, visit kiels.com.

4. Buy a pair of Levi’s® jeans at Levisstore.com and the Levi’s® brand will donate $5.01 to YouthAIDS. In support of World AIDS Day, the Levi’s® brand is partnering with YouthAIDS to donate up to $30,000 by allocating $5.01 for each transaction on Levisstore.com that includes a purchase of at least one pair of Levi’s® jeans. For details visit Levisstore.com.

5. Tune in to TLC at 8/7c to watch Ashley Judd and YouthAIDS: Confronting the Pandemic. One of Hollywood’s most celebrated actresses, Ashley Judd, is teaming up with her friend Salma Hayek for a one-hour documentary. On this trip through Central America, Judd takes Hayek on an unforgettable journey. From the brothels of Guatemala City to the coast of Honduras, these women are on a mission to get the message out.

On their travels, Judd, Hayek and Latin rock star Juanes (also featured in this documentary) meet with the leaders who can affect change in their countries, as well as with the women and children who are directly impacted by the ravaging disease. TLC follows along as they document the personal stories of a disease that still carries great shame and stigma in Central America. For more information, visit tlc.discovery.com.

6. Get tested. (Thank you to Tim for this reminder.)

7. Wear a red ribbon out in public so that everyone who sees you will think, at least for a moment, of the impact of HIV/AIDS.

Thank you for observing World AIDS Day. Each year since 1992, I’ve done a newsletter on World AIDS Day to honor the friends I’ve lost and those who are still living with HIV. If you want to receive the newsletter, e-mail me at becky@beckycochrane.com.

Two Days Until World AIDS Day, December 1

Bristol-Myers Squibb is hosting its third annual “Light to Unite” campaign.

Light to Unite is an initiative in cooperation with the National AIDS Fund to increase HIV/AIDS awareness in the U.S. Every year on World AIDS Day, Light to Unite brings together sponsors to hold a virtual candle-lighting event online and forwards the donation to AIDS organizations in the U.S. to help fight HIV/AIDS.

For each virtual candle lit through December 31, 2006, Bristol-Myers Squibb will contribute $1 to the National AIDS Fund, up to a maximum contribution of $100,000, to benefit AIDS service organizations in underserved communities in the U.S.

Even after the $100,000 is met, Web site visitors have the opportunity to increase the impact of the Bristol-Myers Squibb contribution to the National AIDS Fund by making an additional donation on the National AIDS Fund Web site at aidsfund.org.

You can read more about Bristol-Myers Squibb at their site.

This is Light to Unite’s logo:

Thanks, Gary in KY, for reminding me of this opportunity.

Three Days Until World AIDS Day, December 1

Thanks to Shawn Lea at Everything and Nothing for forwarding the following to me.

NEWS RELEASE

MTV in Partnership with Kaiser Family Foundation Dedicates the Week Leading Up to World AIDS Day to HIV-focused Programming and Online Content

HIV Special Program Includes Appearances by Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keyes, and Richard Gere

New PSAs Premiere from renowned Director Joel Schumacher

November 27, 2006 — Today MTV Networks in partnership with the Kaiser Family Foundation announced they will be dedicating the week leading up to December 1, World AIDS Day, to informing and engaging young people on the HIV/AIDS epidemic. The week will feature a combination of long-form entertainment documentaries about HIV/AIDS, new public service announcements (PSAs), new online content, and a series of MTV News reports taking an in-depth look at the latest in prevention, treatment, and efforts toward a vaccine for HIV/AIDS. This intensified period of HIV-themed programming is part of thinkHIV, a long-term collaboration between MTV and Kaiser to raise awareness and empower young people in the fight against HIV/AIDS.

MTV will also broadcast HIV-themed programming, including PSAs and MTV News content, on its 800 square-foot high-definition video screen overlooking New York’s Times Square.

Special Programming:

o thinkHIV: This is Me — to air on December 1 at 10:30 a.m. ET — is an entirely user-generated show in which young people themselves tell the story of how their generation has been impacted by HIV/AIDS. Part memorial and part testimonial, the short vignettes filmed entirely by young people paint a raw, intimate, and informative portrait of the epidemic’s impact on young Americans. The program was produced in partnership with MTV News & Docs and Kaiser as part of the ongoing initiative thinkHIV, and its related Web site thinkHIV.org.

o Staying Alive — 48fest — to air on Friday, December 1 at 10 a.m. ET — is a documentary following 48 young people as they progress through their many stages of film production at MTV’s 48fest film competition, held in conjunction with the 2006 International AIDS Conference in Toronto, Canada. The young participants had 48 hours to complete short vignettes on topics such as condom use, violence against women, testing, and discrimination and stigma. Hosted by Nelly Furtado and appearing Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keyes, and Richard Gere, the documentary was produced by MTV International’s multimedia global HIV and AIDS prevention and awareness program, Staying Alive.

o Black Book — a 5-minute film that premieres on mtvU and Über on December 1 — tells the story of a young man who is confronting the reality and responsibilities of living with HIV. It also offers a wry and insightful perspective on how the lead character’s HIV status impacts everyday life, including dating. The film was created through a special HIV/AIDS screenplay competition of KNOW HIV/AIDS — a joint initiative between the CBS Corporation and Viacom, in partnership with Kaiser. Darren J. Guttenberg, a junior at UCLA, wrote the screenplay and was the grand prize winner of the competition.

“In this 25th year of the AIDS epidemic, we are proud to be partnering again with the Kaiser Family Foundation to provide young people with the information they need to protect themselves,” said Brian Graden, President of Entertainment for MTVN Music Group and President of Logo. “World AIDS Day 2006 presents a great opportunity to dispel myths and educate our audience on the real progress being made in HIV prevention, treatment and vaccine development, and to give over MTV’s platforms to young people impacted by the disease.”

“The significant on-air and online programming that MTV is devoting to such a variety of high-quality HIV-themed programming clearly reinforces the network’s commitment to engaging its audiences in the fight against HIV/AIDS. Millions of young people will be reached and we’re hopeful that greater awareness about HIV/AIDS will influence behaviors and attitudes,” said Tina Hoff, vice president and director of Kaiser’s Entertainment Media Partnership program.

New Public Service Announcements:

In addition to special long-form programming, MTV will debut several new PSAs that will air across the network’s programming schedule, including:

o Fight for Her Rights — includes two new PSAs that focus on young women communicating with their partners about safe sex and HIV testing.

o Marvelyn PSAs — includes a new series of 8 PSAs directed by Joel Schumacher that feature Marvelyn Brown, a young African-American woman living with HIV. In these documentary style spots, Marvelyn speaks directly to the camera about relationships, risks associated with unprotected sex, learning that she’s HIV-positive, informing her family and friends, experiencing stigma and discrimination, and living with the disease.

Online Content at think.mtv.com:

New and updated information and video content on HIV treatment and prevention will be added to think.mtv.com, the primary Web site for the initiative.

MTV News:

MTV News is planning to provide in-depth reporting on HIV prevention, treatment and vaccine development. New news segments will air each day starting on Monday, November 27 in the lead up to World AIDS Day. All segments will be available on demand on think.mtv.com.

thinkHIV builds on both MTV and Kaiser’s long-term commitment to educating and empowering young people in the fight against HIV/AIDS. The campaign is part of a 10-year collaboration between the two organizations, currently called “think: Sexual Health.” To date, the Emmy and Peabody Award winning partnership has garnered more than 100 million viewers to its documentaries, 1.2 million calls to the campaign’s toll-free hotline (1-888-BE-SAFE-1), and has distributed more than 450,000 informational guides. On Monday, June 5, the 25th anniversary of the first HIV/AIDS diagnosis in the U.S., MTV won Cable Positive’s POP Award for Network of the Year – an award that recognizes the cable network whose programming made the most significant impact on raising public awareness on HIV/AIDS.

MTV Networks:

MTV Networks, a unit of Viacom (NYSE: VIA, VIA.B), is one of the world’s leading creators of programming and content across all media platforms. MTV Networks, with more than 130 channels worldwide, owns and operates the following television programming services — MTV: MUSIC TELEVISION, MTV2, VH1, mtvU, NICKELODEON, NICK at NITE, COMEDY CENTRAL, TV LAND, SPIKE TV, CMT, NOGGIN, VH1 CLASSIC, LOGO, MTVN INTERNATIONAL and THE DIGITAL SUITE FROM MTV NETWORKS, a package of 13 digital services, all of which are trademarks of MTV Networks. MTV Networks connects with its audiences through its robust consumer products businesses and its more than 200 interactive properties worldwide, including online, broadband, wireless and interactive television services. The network also has licensing agreements, joint ventures, and syndication deals whereby all of its programming services can be seen worldwide.

The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation

The Henry J. Kaiser Family Foundation is a non-profit, private operating foundation dedicated to providing information and analysis on health issues to policymakers, the media, and the general public. It is not associated with Kaiser Permanente or Kaiser Industries. Information on HIV/AIDS is available at kff.org, and a daily news summary report on developments in HIV/AIDS is available on kaisernetwork.org, the Foundation’s free health information service.

For more information, contact:
Rob Graham, KFF, (650) 854-9400, rgraham@kff.org
Jay Jay Nesheim, MTV, (212) 846-7166, jayjay.nesheim@mtvstaff.com

This is thinkHIV.org’s logo:

Six Days Until World AIDS Day, December 1

HERO, or Health Education Resource Organization, Inc., is Baltimore, Maryland’s oldest and largest private, non-profit, community-based HIV/AIDS service organization.

HERO was founded in 1983 as an educational resource to combat the hysteria surrounding HIV. As epidemic demographics changed, HERO’s programs, staff, and Board of Directors responded to meet emerging needs.

This is HERO’s logo:

Eight Days Until World AIDS Day, December 1

Frannie Peabody Center in Portland is committed to compassionate care for the community infected with and affected by HIV/AIDS in Maine. The Center helps the community face and fight the realities of the disease by providing prevention education and direct services, including housing, information, education, advocacy, and counseling services. Frannie Peabody Center treats the whole person with dignity, care and compassion.

The organization honors the memory of Frances W. Peabody (1903-2001), whose great energy and vision were instrumental in providing HIV/AIDS services and programs in Southern Maine.

You can learn more about this amazing grandmother-turned activist here.

This is Frannie Peabody Center’s logo.

Nine days until World AIDS Day, December 1

AIDS Resource Center Ohio is a non-profit service and prevention organization, serving all or part of 35 counties in western, north western, and north central Ohio. ARC serves two important purposes:

–to provide direct services and support to people living with HIV/AIDS, their family members, partners, and care givers

–to prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS through public awareness and education

This is AIDS Resource Center Ohio’s logo:

Thirteen days until World AIDS Day, December 1

North Carolina Council for Positive Living is a statewide consumer-based organization promoting and expressing the needs of the People Living With HIV and AIDS community of North Carolina. Through direct advocacy, coalition building, and grassroots organizing, Positive Living seeks to affect public policy by advocating at the state and national level for access to treatment and quality healthcare for people living with HIV.

This is their logo.

If you’d like an HIV/AIDS assistance organization from your state represented, let me know. So far, I’ve featured groups from Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Alabama.