Legacy Writing 365:285

Something that’s been interesting to me during this year of compiling legacy writing posts is that it forced me to go through all my mother’s photos. After her death in 2008, I found that whenever I opened the trunk where I’d stored them, I could look at a few pictures, then I would start feeling out of breath, and I’d have to put it all away. These are the kinds of things we do when we’re ready, and if we can’t predict when that will be, we have to remember that no one else can, either. After years of listening to and trying to comfort people through losses, I’ve repeated so many times, “Grief has no timetable and no expiration date. Every loss is different, and every individual has a unique coping and healing process.”

Somehow it’s harder to say that to oneself, but fortunately, there are others who will remind me from time to time. I’ve found since April, I can’t look at any of Aaron’s baby pictures without feeling that same out-of-breath sensation, so I don’t push myself.

Many years ago, Lynne made a little outfit for a bunny for me from some fabric we both liked. I asked if she could make bears from that fabric, too. There was only enough fabric for one bear, so we dubbed him “Share Bear,” and said that sometimes he’d stay at my house, and sometimes at her house. Funny thing is, I think I’ve had him ever since! She’s probably forgotten about him.

Here, you see the Bunny and Share Bear posed in front of some flowers that Debby brought to The Compound and arranged (I’m sorry that they appear to be growing out of Share Bear’s head; they’re actually in a beautiful vase our friend Sarena gave me a long time ago).

I was reminded of Share Bear and the Bunny when I was putting some old photos away. I saw the envelope with Aaron’s name, and I randomly reached in and pulled out a photo without looking through them. Here’s the one I picked.

I don’t know who might have made Aaron’s bear, but it looks similar in pattern and fabric to Share Bear. I didn’t know Aaron when he was a baby. We lived so far apart that he was already eight when I met him in November of 2001. I’ll probably share that story and some photos from the occasion next month.

Little steps…


6 thoughts on “Legacy Writing 365:285”

  1. Either you picked out Aaron’s photo first and composed the rest, or the Universe is stranger than fiction. Maybe both.

    And your timetable is just fine, don’t rush it.

    1. Thanks. =)

      I picked out Aaron’s photo first and then composed this around it because his bear made me think of Share Bear, which reminded me of the bunny outfit, too.

  2. Becky,
    David sent me the link to your Blog asking if I could answer your question. I am having a difficult time writing through the tears. The bunny next to my sweet baby oh sat on my mother’s bed every day until her death a year ago. It amazes me as they are so similar.
    I miss him every day. He brought so much joy and happiness into my life and so many others. I wish I had been able to do the same for him.
    I find that he leaves me white feathers and appears in his friends’ dreams to bring joy to them still.
    He stamped my heart with his presence and he will forever be there.

    1. My sweet and beautiful Lisa–Speaking as one who knew him and talked to him about lots of stuff, you DID bring joy and happiness into his life. He loved telling stories about you and things y’all did together that made us laugh. (Especially tales of the directionally challenged!)

      You and he are gifts forever to my life, and the lives of everyone who knows you. Thank you for your beautiful boy.

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