Even though decorating a tree can be a pain, every year when I open the bins and trunks that contain ornaments, I am opening a door to my past. I have too many ornaments and too small a tree, so there are some that are never used because they hold no sentimental value beyond memories of when I’ve used them on past holidays.
We used to live in bigger houses. Then, before Tim moved here, we’d put a large, real tree in the apartment and only decorate our house with smaller things. Some years we didn’t decorate at all because we traveled. However, the year that Tom sadly hung a single ornament on a cactus made me feel so guilty that I think I’ve decorated ever since.
There are some ornaments that I use every time I decorate because they mean so much to me. Small glass ornaments that hung on my family’s tree from the time my brother (eight years older) was a baby. Ornaments cross-stitched by my friend Amy, as well as the AIDS Santa she gave me one Christmas after Steve R. died. A little hand-quilted ornament that my mother gave me after the Thanksgiving that she, my sister, and I worked on Tim R.’s AIDS Quilt panel.
There are ornaments that hung on Tom’s family tree when he was a little boy, and ornaments from his grandmother, who always decorated lavishly at Christmas. Ornaments that symbolize times that Lynne and I have shared over the past 38 years of friendship. (Yes, years before we were even born! Another miracle!) As I said last year, the two garlands that hang over two doorways are filled with the Star Trek ornaments Lynne has given Tom, and the Barbie ornaments she’s given me over many years. There’s a pink rhinestone pig that Lynne says is ugly but which I love that was from her son Jess and his wife Laura one Christmas.
There are little picture frames with pictures of my family and Tom’s nieces and various dogs. There’s the ornament I bought in December of 2001, a fragile ball of cobalt blue with an American flag on it, and each year when I take it out of its box and hang it, I honor everyone lost on September 11. There are several handcrafted ornaments from Tom’s mother, an artist, as well as ornaments she and his father have bought us when they’ve traveled. And there are plenty of Winnie the Pooh ornaments, although most of these stay out all year on an antique set of shelves that bear the name “Pooh Corner.”
Since we don’t have kids, there’s no knowing what will happen to all this stuff when Tom and I die, but I don’t care. It’s enough for me that our ornaments aren’t just glass, plastic, metal, or pewter, they’re memories of and gifts from people too many to mention: people who taught me about love, friendship, and the comfort of tradition.
Holidays can be hard when they remind us of better times or people we’ve lost. The real gifts though, are that we had those moments and those loved ones in our lives. Try to carve out some quiet time to cherish your memories and honor your past.
Your tree is beautiful. I can very much understand your sentiments for special ornaments. I have Maxine ornaments from from my mom for almost every year since hallmark started them. The damn company didn’t do one this year and I am heartbroken. My aunt has a tree fille dwith santa clause ornaments I have gotten her every year of my adult life(I’m 40). Thanks for the entry. It warmed my heart!!
Gary
My friend Denece loves Maxine! I think she aspires to be just like her.
The first year after I was disowned, Christmas came and went without event in my tiny little flea-bitten apartment. Basically, I made sure I was working Christmas Eve and Boxing Day, and on Christmas Day I went out to see a movie, ate out, etc – it wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t fabulous. The year after, I was absolutely going to have a tree, and even if it had no presents under it, I didn’t care. So I bought a tree, and I bought these nice-ish (but affordable) white and red glass ornaments. And a friend of mine made me an ornament, blue glass, glue, and sparkles, with her initials, ‘Happy Yule!’ and the year on it.
The year after, I bought another ornament with the year written on it.
And again. And again.
Every year now, when I put up the tree, there’s an ever-growing box of ornaments that shows me just how long I’ve been celebrating Christmas on my own terms, and – as much as possible – themed ornaments telling me which year was what. The typewriter and the little mouse typing it at the year I finally had enough money to get myself a computer. And eventually, after my father’s death, the ornament my mother sent me that says ‘#1 Son’ (the running joke among my friends is there cannot be a #2 Son position for me to fill, since I’m the only born son she had). And while on honeymoon, and I bought two ornaments from a lovely shop in Victoria – a dragonfly, which is our symbol (nature imposed, not chosen), and a frog, because he loves them.
As I collected, people found out about it, and it’s a rare year now where I end up with only one ornament for the year. Usually, gives me one, my mother contributes one, and a rare friend or two will sometimes hear the story and add a little ornament to a gift or to my stocking. I love it. It tells the story the right way: from one lonely little hand-made ornament, to a tree full of symbols of the years.
So I know exactly what you mean – and I don’t care where they are to go after me, either – they’re for me.
I think your tree is beautiful, too. Every year I get the kids each a hand crafted (by somebody else) ornament with the year and their name on it, as well as a hallmark ornament. Now that’s all there’s room for on the tree.
“Ornaments that symbolize times that Lynne and I have shared over the past 38 years of friendship. (Yes, years before we were even born! Another miracle!)”
Ha!
This post reminds me I haven’t taught myself how to make links look like something you’d want to click instead of avoid….
I love “junky” trees with lots of memories on them.
I don’t do a tree because my bad Bandit cat likes to climb it…and it always falls over. I have my Santa’s out though. My co-worker Tom carves some great Santa’s from cypress knees. You can see them at http://www.whittlershollow.com
Those Santas are fantastic. Thanks for the link.
I know exactly what you mean about the ornaments. The ones I dig out year after year stretch as far back as my grandparent’s childhoods…some look like bits of junk to others, but to me they all shine with beauty and love.
Those are the things that make our trees really beautiful, as I’m sure yours is!